I just snuck out of a court ordered gambling rehab facility to write this post, so I’ll have to be brief. After I was arrested for stealing old ladies’ purses from the retirement home down the block to fund my string of Arizona Cardinals’ Super Bowl wagers (a 50:1 lock!), the judge sentenced me to 6 month’s of in-patient rehab. Since I’ll be releasing my weekly fantasy football rankings each Thursday morning (except Thanksgiving week!) for the duration of the season, I’ve decided to throw in some bonus bold Thursday Night Football predictions along with my expertly handicapped pick for the contest:
Texans (-3) at Lions
Forecast: Thanksgiving wouldn’t be Thanksgiving without a crappy Lions team playing in the morning game and your drunk Uncle Arlo yelling about his all-time favorite Lions player, Whizzer White. This is a matchup of Belichick minions with Matt Patricia and Romeo Crennel facing off—think we know who has the advantage. In honor of the holiday, Patricia will dress up as a turkey. Little does the Lions’ coach know, Matthew Stafford has a debilitating fear of turkeys—meleagrisphobia, it’s a real thing. When Stafford sees the enormous bird gobbling away on his sideline, he’ll run for the locker-room and never look back. With Chase Daniel tagging in for their meleagrisphobic QB, Detroit won’t stand a chance against J.J. Watt and the hungry Texans. Texans 31, Lions 17
Wager: Texans -3 (4 Units)
2020 Season: 2-9 (-4.65 Units)
Anyway, here’s my fantasy football rankings for week 12 which will be frequently updated until Sunday kickoff:Please, blog, may I have some more?