Thank you all for the well wishes for my family yesterday. Even though we may never have a beer together, we work things out during the football season for your fantasy teams on a daily basis so we do share some sort of bond. Anyways, life is pretty much back to normal.

We had a lot of big performances last week and some of those I was higher than the consensus. D.J. Chark, Michael Gallup, Will Fuller were a few of those names that I was higher on. Unfortunately, there are always the misses. Austin Ekeler didn’t get in the endzone. I was too high of Jacoby Brissett, too low on Russell Wilson. And of course, I was too high on Baker Mayfield. Rudy and myself finished back to back at 87th and 88th last week. We must begin to look forward and grab a top 10 finish. 

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The rankings contest results are a little slow this week. The participants have been spoiled this season getting them on Tuesday mornings this season. So I have nothing to report on that front. I felt good about how my projections turned out last week. I didn’t have any huge misses that I’m kicking myself over. 

We’re always looking to bring different ways to bring you the best content that we can and I think that we came up with something that will be exciting as we kick off October. Our new writer Pat is a hard worker if you haven’t noticed from his weekly data reports. So I’m going to have him write up flex rankings for your consumption each week. This will be similar to what Donkey Teeth writes over on the baseball side. DT thought this format would translate well to football as well. A beautiful alley-oop by the non-human Razzballer. But for now, here are my rankings for week 5!

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Thursday night proved that we can’t give up on players or teams after week 1. Mike Evans and Curtis Samuel didn’t have massive weeks but they gave us hope and sometimes that’s enough, ya know? Jameis Winston also looked somewhat sharp. Who knows if those spike weeks are coming for him and the Tampa Bay offense, but at least things were better than the week 1 game against San Francisco.

Week 2 features some good afternoon matchups in Denver, Los Angeles, and Oakland if the early slate doesn’t satisfy. Lets get to some injuries!

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I spent the last two weeks combining my apartment and my fiancee’s apartment into one, just so I could be prepared for Week One of the NFL season. I sat around waiting on the DirecTV guy for four long hours just to be told, immediately, that the satellite dish wouldn’t work on my balcony. While he was discussing the finer points of the southern sky, I had a terrible realization: I’m about to spend the next 17 Sundays with Ryan Fitzpatrick and Tony Romo, and the occasional Drew Brees sprinkled in just to taunt me. Mind you, I am a Miami fan, so it’s not like I’m used to excellent quarterbacking, but this is ‘Murika. I expect freedom!

After a bottle of bourbon and a good night’s sleep, I started trying to make the best of the situation. When life gives you Cleo Lemon, you make lemonade. I thought back to my own words about being stuck watching teams that you’re not interested in, and I realized that I get the pleasure of watching Watt and Clowney terrorize the league. I can see if my boy Anthony Hitchens can become a starting LB in Big D, while also laughing as Romo throws yet another pick to Antrel Rolle or DeAngelo Hall. And if I want to watch some offense, there’s always NFL RedZone.

So once again, that’s the beauty of IDP leagues. Even when you have a balcony that is apparently facing the wrong direction, you still don’t need to feel compelled to jump off it.

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I get it. I’ve seen ‘My Strange Addiction’ on Netflix. You’re like Lauren who can’t leave her furry life at home. Nope, everywhere you go, you gotta be wearing your fursona. It’s cool, it’s your thing, just don’t act like it’s not a bit weird, m’kay? We have 4 QBs to choose from here. That’s four for those whose computers can’t read digits for some reason. They say variety is the spice of life and we have as many QBs to rank as we have Spice Girls in the world. Ponder that, ponderer. I’m not gonna pretend like there’s huge discrepancies this week other than Golden Tate. If Seattle is gonna win, a wideout needs to step up and I’m saying it’ll be Tate. That’s my story there. Outside of that…eh, how ’bout them Cowboys? I don’t know what to say here, I’m at a loss. Four flipping games, people! If New England wins, Brady has a huge day. If Denver wins, the Bronco backs have huge days. Up in Seattle, it’ll most likely be a slugfest and offensively pretty blahtastic while we’re at it. It will be interesting to see Kaepernick in a playoff game in Seattle. Most other times he’s looked about as rattled as you’re ever going to see him but he’s proving to be quite the playoff quarterback in his short stint so far. This will definitely be a defining game for him one way or another. As much of a Seattle fan as I am, I can’t help but notice Wilson has underperformed quite a bit the last four to six weeks while the defense has basically carried them. That can’t happen this week if the ‘hawks want to move on because if that doesn’t change, I think San Fran makes the Super Bowl. At this point, I wouldn’t be surprised by a Broncos and 49ers Super Bowl based on current performance. Just don’t think the passing game is the same without Gronkowski for New England and really don’t think Seattle’s offense can right the ship that’s been going so wrong of late. And now that I’ve talked about nothing that has to do with rankings for about 90% of this, let’s move on. Here are the Divisional Championship rankings for the 2013 Fantasy Football season…

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So, that’s what I thought we’d see more of in the regular season. And of course I’m referring to TY Hilton’s wild, wild card weekend when he set franchise records for receptions (13), yards (224), and tied the team record of TD receptions (2) when they defeated the Chiefs at home. In fact, Hilton’s yardage is now the third best single game performance in post-season history. A list that’s headed by the amazing shmun-uh-bluh…yeah, you probably don’t know these guys. Or maybe I’m just an idiot. Probably both. But nevermind all that, let’s discuss a bit on this TY kid. I liked him coming into the season and so wish this were the TY from game one until now but you can’t rush greatness. I’m mentioning my TY love so you don’t think I’m bandwagoning here. What I AM doing is looking at how New England is going to try and match up with the little tyke. And believe me, he’s a little dude and fast as heck. All this simply means Talib is probably not covering him much during the game due to the speed discrepancy. In effect, Hilton could follow up his historic day with another one this weekend as I see Andrew Luck and company in what might amount to another shootout and plenty of passes to go around. Truthfully, I’d be surprised if there were as many fireworks in the other games. Since the playoffs really do play out like a new season – just ask the Andy Dalton who couldn’t match his great home numbers last week against what was considered a poor Chargers defense – your rankings have to reflect who you think is gonna win and how. I think the Colts and Pats are a shootout that’ll eventually turn to Brady and company. I will fully admit I’m worried about PFM and company. San Diego really tried to grind down the clock on them the last two times the teams played. First game, Rivers didn’t play well and the plan looked terrible. Next time? Rivers bordered on perfect. If you’re expecting huge numbers like you’d normally get from your Broncos, I’d err on the side of caution if I’m playing in Daily Fantasy Leagues – and I am and I’m erring – I’m probably avoiding the big price associated. In all, these rankings shouldn’t be too surprising. The good defenses are well reflected except the Panthers. The 49ers are a well-honed playoff team and I think too much jitter is gonna hit Carolina in their first go. If I can avoid owning any Panthers, I’d like to. Eh, I’m rambling at this point so I’m just gonna let’er go. Here’s the second round rankings for the playoffs for the 2013 Fantasy Football season…

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As my wife always said after peeing on a First Response and then finally getting visited by Aunt Flo the next day, better late than never right? Sorry to all who’re expecting this yesterday. I had what you could call a hard New Years. Hard alcohol, hard on my liver, hard to walk upright the next day, hard to not throw up…the list of everything that was hard about it would be borderline exhaustive so instead I’ll just say I hope I didn’t fail you. For those of you looking for rest of playoff rankings, I’ll be frantically working on those over the course of today, though there may not be an actual post on them. Let’s just say, work really sucks. They expect me to actually do what they want me to do and not you…how rude! You can still find me and my rankings over at the Fantasy Pros guys whom I use. For those of you looking for the weekly thang, though, I show how I’m leaning down below. When you’re only ranking this many guys, having a ‘standout’ is more like disagreeing on two or three rankings spots so again, I’m stuck talking about the Red Rocket, Andy Dalton. As the Vikings proved in week 16, Dalton can take advantage of a porous secondary especially when he’s at home. Dalton has a 20:9 TD to INT ratio at home and a 13:11 on the road so against the Chargers – the 9th worst for fantasy points against to opposing QBs this year – I don’t see how the dingy gingy can’t be a dandy one this weekend. So with that in mind, I do have Marvin Jones slipping into my top 10 as he had a 6/85 during that same week 16. And yes, I put Foles one and Brees three. Remember what I said about Dalton’s splits? Yeah, go look at Drew away from the dome. It’s definitely not the D-Brees we all think of. But I’m delaying the inevitable around here. Let’s get to week one of this great new season. Here’s the wildcard round of the weekly rankings for the 2013 Fantasy Football season…

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For most of us, Week 17 represents the first week of the off-season. Dynasty leaguers are looking forward to the rookie draft and free agency, re-drafters are already making plans for 2014 draft locations, and all is quiet on the fantasy front for the first time since July. But there are still those leagues that hold their championships in Week 17. In some years this causes chaos, as top players are resting because their teams cannot improve or hurt their playoff slot. But this year you are in luck, as pretty much every team has at least something to play for, and it appears that only KC will be resting their guys.

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Sorry everyone, I know you normally get to see my purty rankings on Thursday morning but I decided – since I’m my own boss – to give myself an all-expense paid trip to my own house for Christmas dinner and time with my family and then a round trip ticket to the liquor store for some Islay so I could put my new whiskey stones to good use. I charged it all to the business card, of course, so as to get the tax write off. Mainly the reason you didn’t see me on Thursday morning is my round trip took longer than I expected seeing as I got home and had one glass, and then two glasses, and then three glasses and then I do believe I was mambo’ing with Uncle Ernie as he was wearing his adorable fedora – or lampshade, can’t remember – in the garage to a Bruce Springsteen mixed tape he had lying around. Seriously, folks, you can mambo to anything if you put your sloshed mind to it. But all this to say, I didn’t forget you but for a little while and in the interim we were visited by little Razzball Elves like Josh Carey, Zorboss and The Guru. Forget the three wisemen, check out those three wiseasses if you ask me. I don’t wanna talk about the Jolly Saint Prick. His name speaks for itself. Pretty sure he came down my chimney and stole my dvd player and some paper plates on Xmas…nevermind all that, you’re here for rankings. So what we have here is a failure to enunciate. I’m not actually feeling up Joseph Fauria in my title; sorry to ruin that mental image for you, lady readers. No, no, no. Say ‘you’ and ‘Fauria’ together really fast. If you wanna learn, follow these guidelines. I’m saying ‘euphoria’. Don’t you get it? Are you we Todd it? Whatever, with no Pettigrew, Fauria should be able to step in and produce against the same team I told you last week would get tiki torched by Andy Dalton. Add in the element of a less than 100% Calvin Johnson and Fauria could have a huge day as he’s already a red zone favorite for Matthew Stafford. Sure it’s a bit of a risk play but it’s week 17 and if you thought week 16 was weird, you ain’t seen nothing yet. Week 17 has a way of making Donnie Darko look like a silly romantic comedy by comparison when it comes to weirdness. You got people sitting earlier than expected, people starting you didn’t think even played for the team…the list goes on. Either way, if you’re playing for your championship during it, there’s nothing else you can do but enjoy the funkiness it provides and roll with the punches. In other places of ranking rankle merit, Andre Brown is making a surprise return visit to my top 10 for RBs this week. Totally a gut call here. After the Eli interception explosion of late and the Giants’ defense clicking on all cylinders since forever and at home, I think they try to grind the clock, rely on their defense to hold and let Andre the Giant deflate the ball on the ‘skins to wind down a miserable 2013. As you can see, I have DeAngelo and Ivory up in areas where no one is expecting them either. You take your matchups and you run with them is all I can say. That’s why Coby Fleener is where he is this week as well while we’re in the ‘he points at the matchups’ section of the rankings. On the wide receiver side, I have flipped the fly white guys in New England around as I think Amendola is a better field stretcher than Julian which plays better against Buffalo’s weakness in terms of the passing game. Defensively, the Cardinals are at home with something to prove as a team that could get bounced from the playoffs for no good reason other than they play in the toughest division in the NFC…heck, NFL if you want me to be honest. Kickers were dressed up as girl scouts and dropped in the middle of the ghetto. The ones who came back with the least amount of caps in their ass made the list…and the cookie sales leader got to be number one! But enough about Tagalongs and Savannah Smiles, let’s wrap the regular season up. Here’s the week 17 rankings for 2013 Fantasy Football…

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It’s hard to believe that the season kicked off a full 4 months ago, but here we are: Championship Week. I’ll be back with some rankings next week for you crazy kids with 17-week schedules, but for the majority of the free world this is it. I’m sad to say that I did not reach the finals in any of my five leagues. As much as I love IDPs, unfortunately there is an offensive side of the ball as well, and I did a miserable job drafting and setting my offensive lineups this year.

But enough of about me, you’re here for some IDP cheer just in time for the holidays. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: When making turkey chili, always cook for one hour less than directed. Wait, wrong piece of advice. Let’s try again: In the fantasy playoffs, don’t get cute, start your studs. Joe Mays and someone called Dekoda Watson each put up huge days last week, but you’re not starting them over the guys that got you here.

With that in mind, here are my top players at each position for Championship Week:

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