Week 17 has arrived and you should be off on a romantic getaway with your freshly consummated fantasy football championship trophy. But your stubborn leaguemates insist on playing out your championship in week 17 because there was a flat earth convention during week 16 and they wanted to dedicate full attention to championship week. Now you’re scouring the internet for week 17 fantasy football rankings, but all your favorite analysts are already off on romantic getaways with their new fantasy championship trophies. Fear not! Razzball is here for all you poor week 17 fantasy football suffering souls. Although, if you invested heavily in Chiefs players then you should probably fear a little. Anyway, here’s some fantasy football rankings to lead you to your week 17 fantasy football championship:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

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I just snuck out of a court ordered gambling rehab facility to write this post, so I’ll have to be brief. After I was arrested for stealing old ladies’ purses from the retirement home down the block to fund my string of Arizona Cardinals’ Super Bowl wagers (a 50:1 lock!), the judge sentenced me to 6 month’s of in-patient rehab. Since I’ll be releasing my weekly fantasy football rankings each Thursday morning (except Thanksgiving week!) for the duration of the season, I’ve decided to throw in some bonus bold Thursday Night Football (or Friday Night Football this week) predictions along with my expertly handicapped pick for the contest:

Vikings (+7) at Saints

Forecast:  Championship week is upon us and we have Christmas football! In Drew Brees looked more like Drew Carey in his return from 712 broken ribs last week. Remember The Drew Carey Show? It was brutal but one good thing came out of the terrible show: Diedrich Bader nailed his role as Oswald Lee Harvey, landing him the future role of Rex in Napoleon Dynamite. What does this have to do with Drew Brees? Nothing, but I still don’t expect him to be anywhere near 100% against the Vikings on Christmas Day. Fortunately, it sounds like the already weak Vikings defense–who got whooped by Trubisky and Da Bears last week–may be without their best player, linebacker Eric Kendricks, so Drew Carey just might be able to cover the seven point spread. Grab your jingle bells and jump on the Saints. Saints 30, Vikings 21

Wager: Saints -7 (4 Units)

2020 Season: 4-10 (-3.05 Units) 

Anyway, here’s my fantasy football rankings for week 16 which will be frequently updated until Sunday kickoff:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

I just snuck out of a court ordered gambling rehab facility to write this post, so I’ll have to be brief. After I was arrested for stealing old ladies’ purses from the retirement home down the block to fund my string of Arizona Cardinals’ Super Bowl wagers (a 50:1 lock!), the judge sentenced me to 6 month’s of in-patient rehab. Since I’ll be releasing my weekly fantasy football rankings each Thursday morning (except Thanksgiving week!) for the duration of the season, I’ve decided to throw in some bonus bold Thursday Night Football predictions along with my expertly handicapped pick for the contest:

Chargers (+3.5) at Raiders

Forecast:  This game’s all about Justin Herbert and his terrible hair cut. Or as Grey likes to call him after watching Hard Knocks, Doctor Hibbert. Hopefully we see Doctor Hibbert and not Doctor Nick who showed up two weeks ago against Belichick and the Patriots–that was straight malpractice. I’ve sent Herbert some hair implants so we should be getting another dose from the real doc. The only thing that can stop him now is if Darren Waller flips to linebacker. Mmmm I bet Waller would be a Hall of Fame linebacker. Chargers 27, Raiders 24 

Wager:   Chargers +3.5 (2 Units)

2020 Season: 3-10 (-5.05 Units) 

Anyway, here’s my fantasy football rankings for week 15 which will be frequently updated until Sunday kickoff:

*If you’d like more robotic weekly rankings with projections, check out Rudy’s Pigskinonator which is available on a free trial and then only $5.99 for the rest of the season.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Hey Razzballers!

I’m stepping in on the Sunday Primer for the fantasy playoffs. In this post I’ll go over questionable players to keep an eye on Sunday morning as well as some sneaky starts this week, who just might be available in your free agent pool depending on how many players are rostered in your league. Plus find my freshly updated week 14 rankings below!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

I just snuck out of a court ordered gambling rehab facility to write this post, so I’ll have to be brief. After I was arrested for stealing old ladies’ purses from the retirement home down the block to fund my string of Arizona Cardinals’ Super Bowl wagers (a 50:1 lock!), the judge sentenced me to 6 month’s of in-patient rehab. Since I’ll be releasing my weekly fantasy football rankings each Thursday morning (except Thanksgiving week!) for the duration of the season, I’ve decided to throw in some bonus bold Thursday Night Football predictions along with my expertly handicapped pick for the contest:

Patriots (+6) at Rams

Forecast: I was walking down the street the other day eating a falafel pita wrap when I ran into none other than Bill Belichick taking his pooch for walk. To my surprise, Bill stopped me and told me eat Subway instead. I argued with him about the nutritional value in a Subway sub–they’re bread can no longer be legally called “bread” in Ireland. Then Bill suddenly cut the sleeves off my best dress shirt and whispered into my ear, “Bet on us to cover Thursday night and don’t start any of our running backs, ever.” He was gone as quickly as he appeared. It was a surreal experience. And who am I to go against sweatshirt Bill and his trusty dog?  Patriots 27, Rams 20

Wager:   Patriots +6 (4 Units)

2020 Season: 3-9 (-0.65 Units) 

Anyway, here’s my fantasy football rankings for week 14 which will be frequently updated until Sunday kickoff:

*If you’d like more robotic weekly rankings with projections, check out Rudy’s Pigskinonator which is available on a free trial and then only $5.99 for the rest of the season.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

It’s a tradition as old as wearing a facial covering while using the public crapper or washing your hands like an obsessive compulsive garbage man: Wednesday Afternoon Football! Since there’s no Thursday Night Football game for me to breakdown with my rankings this week, I’ve decided to nail two Ravens with one stone by recapping the Wednesday afternoon dumpster fire in this introduction for the week 13 rankings. 

Maybe it was the week long uncertainty of whether this game would actually be played, maybe it was the fantasy football gods punishing us all for the NFL’s blind greed, maybe it’s because you put your Christmas lights up 3 weeks before Thanksgiving. Whatever the reason, this was the most boring Wednesday Afternoon Football game in the history of Wednesday Afternoon Football.

Only one Raven player produced positive fantasy results as Marquise Brown (4 catches for 85 yards and his 3rd touchdown) posted the best game of his very disappointing season thanks to his 70 yard touchdown catch late in the 4th quarter. Maybe this kickstarts Hollywood with a much softer schedule on the horizon. The friendly schedule gives me cautious optimism on the entire Ravens offense, including Lamar JacksonJ.K. Dobbins and Mark Andrews, as they all return from the virus outbreak.

On the Steelers side, you could tell they came in expecting to sleepwalk their way to a win and, well, they pretty much did. Juju Smith-Schuster (8 catches for 37 yards and his 6th touchdown), or Shoo Shoo Schuster-Smeeth as they call him on NBC Espanol, was the only Steeler to find the end zone while the damage from their two other (more talented) receivers Diontae Johnson (8 catches for 46 yards) and Chase Claypool (6 catches for 52 yards) was minimized. Benny Snell (16 carries for 60 yards, 3 catches for 33 yards), who I judiciously invested all my FAAB in after week 2, did show some flashes while filling in for James Conner (COVID). Remember, Conner fell into the high COVID risk group as a cancer survivor (diabetic Mark Andrews fell into this category too); not sure if this will actually impact either of their recovery times or if they even experienced any symptoms, but Snell’s worth a roster spot regardless. Anyway, here’s my fantasy football rankings for week 13 which will be frequently updated until Sunday kickoff:

*If you’d like more robotic weekly rankings with projections, check out Rudy’s Pigskinonator which is available on a free trial and then only $5.99 for the rest of the season.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Are you in? Are you out? Do you have to grind one more week to make it in? I’m here to help you make that final push. We have to dodge the inevitable postponements and QB rooms being held out of playing. I heard that they are already planning on having three Monday night games. This year is so fun. It’s almost over though! The final two teams are on a bye and that is Tampa and Carolina so adjust accordingly. Here are my rankings for week 13.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

I just snuck out of a court ordered gambling rehab facility to write this post, so I’ll have to be brief. After I was arrested for stealing old ladies’ purses from the retirement home down the block to fund my string of Arizona Cardinals’ Super Bowl wagers (a 50:1 lock!), the judge sentenced me to 6 month’s of in-patient rehab. Since I’ll be releasing my weekly fantasy football rankings each Thursday morning (except Thanksgiving week!) for the duration of the season, I’ve decided to throw in some bonus bold Thursday Night Football predictions along with my expertly handicapped pick for the contest:

 Texans (-3) at Lions

Forecast: Thanksgiving wouldn’t be Thanksgiving without a crappy Lions team playing in the morning game and your drunk Uncle Arlo yelling about his all-time favorite Lions player, Whizzer White. This is a matchup of Belichick minions with Matt Patricia and Romeo Crennel facing off—think we know who has the advantage. In honor of the holiday, Patricia will dress up as a turkey. Little does the Lions’ coach know, Matthew Stafford has a debilitating fear of turkeys—meleagrisphobia, it’s a real thing. When Stafford sees the enormous bird gobbling away on his sideline, he’ll run for the locker-room and never look back. With Chase Daniel tagging in for their meleagrisphobic QB, Detroit won’t stand a chance against J.J. Watt and the hungry Texans. Texans 31, Lions 17

Wager:  Texans -3 (4 Units)

2020 Season: 2-9 (-4.65 Units) 

Anyway, here’s my fantasy football rankings for week 12 which will be frequently updated until Sunday kickoff:

*If you’d like more robotic weekly rankings with projections, check out Rudy’s Pigskinonator which is available on a free trial and then only $5.99 for the rest of the season.

Please, blog, may I have some more?