I just snuck out of a court ordered gambling rehab facility to write this post, so I’ll have to be brief. After I was arrested for stealing old ladies’ purses from the retirement home down the block to fund my string of Arizona Cardinals’ Super Bowl wagers (a 50:1 lock!), the judge sentenced me to 6 month’s of in-patient rehab. Since I’ll be releasing my weekly fantasy football rankings each Thursday morning for the duration of the season, I’ve decided to throw in some bonus bold Thursday Night Football predictions along with my expertly handicapped pick for the contest:

Cincinnati Bengals (+6) at Cleveland Browns

Forecast: Nice of the NFL to serve us up the Ohio Toilet Bowl as a week 2 primetime game. On the plus side, you know Odell Beckham Jr. is always ready to go for the toilet bowl! But Odell’s disturbing fetish won’t be the only story line of our week two Thursday Night Football match up. Don’t take your eyes off Myles Garrett on the opening drive. He’ll sack the Bengals rookie QB, Joe Burrow, and knock him out of the game by ripping Burrow’s new bling chain off and beating him over the head with it. After the rookie’s departure, Ryan Finley will keep the Bengals in this one by peppering A.J. Green and Tyler Boyd with his deep ball, in the 5-7 yard range. On the ground, Nick will get his Chubb back, but Mixon will continue to leave his owners limp. And down the stretch, it’ll be Case Keenum flinging the feces to OBJ; Baker Mayfield has accidentally doubled booked for Thursday night and he’ll have to sneak away at halftime to record a few Progressive commercials.  Browns 28, Bengals 17

Wager: Browns -6 (1 Unit)

2020 Season: 0-1 (-1.1 Units)

 

Anyway, here’s my fantasy football rankings for week 2:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

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Welcome to week 2! I was really encouraged last week when nobody in any organization tested positive for Covid. I’m really starting to thing we are going to make it through this year with minimal messiness. As for my week 1 rankings, the week 1 FantasyPros accuracy report hasn’t been released. Outside of Monday night, I felt like things went well. For sake of context, I was out on Ben Roethlisberger and JuJu but they put together some magic together. Can’t hit ’em all. 

Please, blog, may I have some more?

I just snuck out of a court ordered gambling rehab facility to write this post, so I’ll have to be brief. After I was arrested for stealing old ladies’ purses from the retirement home down the block to fund my string of Arizona Cardinals’ Super Bowl wagers (a 50:1 lock!), the judge sentenced me to 6 month’s of in-patient rehab. Since I’ll be releasing my weekly fantasy football rankings each Thursday morning for the duration of the season, I’ve decided to throw in some bonus bold Thursday Night Football predictions along with my expertly handicapped pick for the contest:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

It’s here and we haven’t seen a single preseason snap. I have to go off of twitter videos, coach speak and instinct. Eh, that’s alright, I feel like I have a pretty good grip on things. I’m pretty conservative this week when it came to moving people around. A lot of it has to deal with the unknown, but a big reason is that you should be starting your studs. There is no reason to get cute. Week 1 is not an absolute must win (although it would be nice to get one, right?”) 

Please, blog, may I have some more?

[put on the chillhop radio station and just let it flow] 

Welcome everyone! It’s a privilege to have you here in the Year of the Bubble. No doubt you’ve been refreshing training camp vids and working on your Austin Ekeler-style abs for the past few months. Some of you have been following Razzball Football in the off-season the whole way and you have read every last word. Thank you! Some of you are coming out of fantasy football hibernation right now, and you’re looking for the best fantasy football content to help you win your (virtual) office league. Welcome back! 

Without further ado, let’s kickoff our weekly look at the Top 30 Quarterbacks!

Top 30 Quarterbacks Header

Please, blog, may I have some more?

I’m tattered, broken, exhausted, and out of FAAB. I’m playing for $1K this weekend and some hooligan that isn’t even playing for a prize snaked Mike Boone from me and I am the Dalvin Cook owner. Now I will have to settle for the worst holiday entree, which is CJ Ham, as a back up plan.

Fantasy football can be frustrating and anxiety inducing and jealous idiots that just want to watch the world burn will do what they can to step on your toes. But it is a season of gratefulness because we have made it this far. We are in the GREEN baby, we returned our investment and some. There’s only one thing left to do and that is bringing that trophy home and reimbursing our holiday spending. Here are the rankings for Championship Week.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

I had to make a tough decision last weekend. Not like actual real-life tough, but fantasy football tough. As you may know, I was touting Odell Beckham Jr. throughout the preseason and recommending not trading him throughout the season. I know, my bad. Since I often draft who I recommend drafting I had to make the decision in two leagues whether or not I wanted to start him in the playoffs. I chose to bench Beckham for Robert Woods in one league and Zach Pascal in the other. And I won both playoff matchups by a combined 7 points. Choosing to bench Beckham even though he was playing against the Cincinnati was the difference between getting two teams to the semi-finals or being down two playoff teams. 

I’m not typing this to brag or talk about my fantasy teams because I know that nobody cares about fantasy teams that aren’t their own unless, of course, it is their job to. Just don’t be afraid to make the tough decisions for your lineup if it feels like it’s the right thing to do. Even if it means benching somebody that you drafted really early, like Odell Beckham Jr. or Le’Veon Bell. Let’s get to the rankings for week 15. 

Please, blog, may I have some more?

If you’re reading this, you made it! Or you just want to hate-view my rankings. Either way, I’m glad you’re here and welcome. My report card actually came out pretty good this year. I have one league left where four team make the playoffs, but other than that, I made the playoffs in all 6 of my other cash leagues and have two first round byes. The thing about the playoffs is all you have to do is make it to the show. Sure there could be matchups that are tougher than others but you almost have just as good of a chance as any team to get it done. So let’s do the best that we can and I am always here for your line up needs. Good luck everyone, and here are your rankings for week 14.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

It’s Thanksgiving week which means that we are just one week away from the fantasy football playoffs. Guess what? Because I am so thankful for each and everyone one of you, I’m going to run an extra Thanksgiving edition fantasy football primer tomorrow morning. I’ll have a turkey on the smoker so I should have plenty of time to help you out with lineup questions before the Bears and Lions kick off.

Of course, if you’re one of those weirdos that’s going to swear off the internet and spend time with your family all day, I can answer your questions today, or you can just check out the rankings. I’m glad you clicked, it means you’re probably still right in the thick of it. Now let’s get to the rankings.

Please, blog, may I have some more?