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So, after taking a few days to wait for the dust cloud of Championship Sunday to clear, we now have our Super Bowl teams; the Seattle Seahawks and New England Patriots. And of course it wouldn’t be a Patriots appearance without the inevitable “something-gate” taking place (this time, deflate-gate, which sounds like a sexual maneuver by Gronk), but I doubt this type of thing comes as a surprise. Even if it did, I doubt it was the reason the Colts lost by 98 points and couldn’t tackle. But don’t worry folks, we have two weeks for the media to fill in empty space, and while a Packers/Patriots match-up might have provided a bonanza of narratives, the Packers made sure to try as hard as they possibly could to make sure that it didn’t happen. So here we are. The Seahawks and Patriots is, at least on paper, an intriguing match-up. True, the same could be said of last year’s game, but here’s hoping for a Super Bowl that’s at least entertaining till half-time…

 

Packers – 22, Seahawks – 28 (OT)

Russell Wilson – 14/29, 209 YDS, 1 TD, 4 INT and 7 CAR, 25 YDS, 1 TD. Except for 49ers fans, I’m not quite sure why people hate Russell Wilson, unless they’re just hopeless misanthropes. (I.E. Cormac McCarthy.) I can do without all the bawling and praising Jesus for all these victories though. You should probably be thanking Marshawn Lynch a lot more.

Marshawn Lynch – 25 CAR, 157 YDS, 1 TD and 1 REC, 26 YDS. I blame the Hawks overall poor play on Lynch not being able to wear his gold shoes. But that last Seattle drive in regulation to take the lead… yeah, I’m going to go ahead and call it Mulholland Drive, because it was carried by Lynch and had a twist ending. He’ll be able to walk into any bar in Seattle for the rest of his life and find somebody who will hold his d*ck, that’s for damn sure.

Aaron Rodgers  – 19/34, 178 YDS, 1 TD, 2 INT and 1 CAR, 12 YDS. So when does Aaron Rodgers murder McCarthy and Capers? Granted, he missed his fair share of throws, but I’ve long been in the group that says McCarthy is a pretty terrible coach (along with Capers), and this game was classic to his core. Of course lucky for him, Brandon Bostick will be a handy scapegoat, even though that’s a pretty myopic way of doing things.

 

Colts – 7, Patriots – 45

Tom Brady – 23/35, 226 YDS, 3 TD, 1 INT and 3 CAR, 13 YDS. Roughing Tom Brady, Defense #50, 15-yard penalty. #50 will Drawn and Quartered at Halftime. New England is granted 21 points. Remember folks, You can’t lead with your head, unless you’re a prostitute.

LeGarrette Blount – 30 CAR, 148 YDS, 3 TD. “Let me be Blount.” – Jonas Gray.

Shane Vereen – 1 CAR, 2 YDS and 3 REC, 41 YDS. Hey! Let’s use Vereen after the fantasy football season is over. Bill Belichick… sigh.

Andrew Luck – 12/33, 126 YDS, 2 INT and 4 CAR, 18 YDS. Luck picking up right where Peyton left off I see…

 

 

 

  1. Scott says:
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    Q: Who loses when JJ Watt tries to tackle Marshawn Lynch?

    A: Pretty much everyone in a 13-block radius.

  2. Pops says:
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    GREEN BAY BOZOS

  3. goodfold2 says:
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    short sighted maybe, but if you took that game and all it’s important inflection points into a probability matrix (there’s another name for this, i really wished i knew where to look that stuff up more often), basically weighting each and every play, bostick CERTAINLY is most culpable from an easy to blame way, since he never should have been trying to even catch that ball, and then, having attempted it, bouncing the ball off his head when his team was probably gonna win that game about 98% of the time before his actions clearly doesn’t make him a scapegoat only. Really, the most blameable/praiseworthy aspect of this game that really determined it was the SEA D. Had they lost, however, it would’ve been the rain that miraculously ended about 4 minutes left in reg (many people i know have always thought of rain as cop kryptonite, as police are very loathe to do ticket grabbing traffic stops when they will get wet), as up till that point, RW3 had met his worst adversary ever, in water falling from the sky, making everything he did completely awful for almost an entire football game. Hoodie’s gonna have a real problem getting a roofed stadium (in the desert no less) help him out with this.

    • goodfold2 says:
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      @goodfold2: i do agree that is a myopic way of doing things though, as it’s much more important for a team to concentrate on making good offensive strategies in first place, for sure. Although they probably would do good for themselves to make sure that dude only tries to catch as many balls on special teams as he does from scrimmage.

    • Jay

      Jay says:
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      @goodfold2: Yeah, I know what’ you’re saying, it was a huge play that he should have made. But I think there were plenty of things that the Packers could have done before hand that would have prevented that onside kick to begin with.

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