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Greetings! I come to you, live from the waterbed of a vixen, freshly slain, lying next to me, quivering in a frothing pool of sweat after I gave her the Lord’s chalice. What a week I’ve had my good men, I tell ya! It’s good to be back in the saddle, as I feel like this post brought me back closer to my roots. It has nothing to do with the fact this woman just sucked the life out of me and spat it on my back, or maybe it’s the fact I doubled my Wellbutrin, but either way, I’m thinking I’m back!

I am Lord Tehol Beddict and this is Disgrace/Delight! Take heed!

 

Players who will Delight their Lord in Week 3

Marcus Mariota – The Oakland Raiders are 31st against the pass, meaning, in laymen terms, that they’re purely the opossum pissed on gutter trash of of NFL’s secondaries. It’s quite the conundrum when considering the fact that Reggie McKenzie blew a blue whale load into revamping that secondary this past offseason. I do not love this Titans receiving core. No, the word “love” does not describe it at all. I suppose the proper word would be: Hate. Anyway, I challenged the testicular fortitude of Mariota this past Sunday, but he stuck his wang out and made sang out, dropping two second half touchdown passes, and leading his team to victory in the mean streets of Detroit. If you didn’t understand anything I was just writing about, it translates as such: The Raiders have a horrid secondary, so there’s s fairly solid chance Mariota has a decent game. Got it? Cool beans…

Melvin Gordon – The Indianapolis Colts are softer than an Armadillo belly, and have have now been for quite some time. Gordon’s testes seem to have dropped and fully formed this summer, as the young man has been outstanding, from the preseason to two weeks through the season. I’m impressed, but I’m not easily impressed. But, sometimes, I’m impressed a great deal. The 15th overall pick of the 2015 draft didn’t even once sniff pay-dirt during his rookie year. He’s already more than tripled his previous career high, and should see a ton of work this week as the Chargers are scrambling to find replacements for Woodhead.

Christine Michael – Thomas Rawls looks slower and more out sync than Roseanne before she snorts her morning Adderall, and Micahel is reaping all the benefits. This in turn, of course, helps us to reap as well. Michael looked he got greased up in Crisco and shot out of a trebuchet, every time he bursts through the line of scrimmage. Young Rawls needs to earn his job back, not have it given to him. Words from old and wise Lord Beddict… San Francisco is 24th in the NFL against the run, allowing, “The Fozz,” to run wild on that hide last week, just imagine what Christina might do.

Jared Goff – Just kidding.

Julio Jones – The New Orleans “Taints” as locals are beginning to refer to them as, have had their top two corners go down these past two weeks, leaving Larry, Moe, and Curly to attempt to defend the Elder blessed, most magnanimous of the magnificent, Julio Jones. Even with a cracked ankle and one nut, Jones is more than capable of breaking an NFL record this upcoming Monday night. You heard it here first.

Tajae Sharpe – I believe I mentioned the fact that the Titans are facing the seemingly perpetually putrid Oakland Raiders secondary. Sharpe is due like for touchdown reception like Angelina Jolie is due for anther divorce…..what? When did that happen? Call it a hunch or maybe just label it as an Elder God promise, but Sharpe crosses that line that leads into the section you are awarded six points for entering, and does a little dance for his Uncle Beddict. Shake it for me, Papi.

Travis Kelce – At one point in time, the Jets had one of the best secondaries in the NFL. Well, at one point in time I died my pubic hair pink and had my buns waxed on a bi-weekly basis, but so what? That’s just not the case anymore as Tygod dropped a couple of missiles on their heads, a week after the Red hot pocket dropped a trescientos on em, showing myself, Lord Beddict, and the world they’re secondary is beatable. Not just beatable, but bend over, spit on it, and drill it type of beatable. Kelce finds the end zone this week. Take a picture of this prediction and put in your bedside table drawer, you know, the one where your wife keeps her massive collection of vibrators and butt plugs since you can’t make her splouge, and lock it away until Sunday evening, and re-read this treasure chest of knowledge.

Players who will Disgrace their Lord in Week 3 

Cody Kessler : I solemnly swear, as your chosen liege Lord, that USC’s Cody Kessler shall never make it, as even a mediocre starting QB in this league. If this so happens to be untrue, retire from fantasy sports writing, I must. Deal, my goodmen? Allriiiiiighty then, if my calculations are correct, the Browns have about an 64.89 percent chance of losing at home to the Miami Dolphins this weekend, taking them to 0-3 on the season. Can this city ever catch a break? Oh, that’s right, the Cavs just had the greatest NBA finals in NBA history, destroying the minds and souls of every Warriors fan on the planet. The city that produced great men like Drew Carey and…and…um, anyway will be back under the tutelage of Hue Jackson, just not in 2016. Drew Carey truly is the most famous person to come out of Cleveland. Honestly. Iconic.

Jacoby Brisset – That Houston Texans defense is filthier than Bea Arthur’s pampers after an all you can eat Teppanyaki dinner. You know how them shrimp be. Once you pop, you can’t stop. Anyway, With the Texans defense looking lethal on all three levels of the defense, one would assume the rookie, Brisset, much like Christian Slater at any movie audition in the past 18 years, will struggle mightily. The Patriots have panned the countryside, scouring the earth for the world’s finest white receiving core, and, my goodmen, they’ve succeeded in the sort of fashion that brings blessings from the Gods for multiple generations. But they will struggle with the rookie at the helm. You’ve got to be realistic about these things.

LeGarrette Blount – I’m assuming you’re thinking that since the Patriots are starting a rookie QB, that they’ll lean on the run game like an inebriated Lindsay Lohan, but, then again, I’m also assuming you’re not thinking deeply enough and that you need guidance. We’ve seen this a trillion times; We think it’s a game Blount gets 25 carries, and he gets six. It’s basically a forgone conclusion he get’s five or less carries, and he comes away with 40 for 230 and three tubs. The Texans defense is going roll Blount up… Wait, you haven’t heard this one, have you? Either way, you know how this story goes. Or do you? Sh*t, mother, I can’t dance.

Jerrick McKinnon – I’m as large as a McKinnon fan there is. Not literally, I’m actually in pretty good shape (ha ha ha……errrrrr). That being said, I’ve been on this train one too many times. Not the train where the entire cheerleading team of my softball team road me like Seattle Slew, but the one where I get excited about McKinnon and then Asiata, the great brown Buffalo, scores with more ruthless frequency than Herpes in Paris Hilton’s Jacuzzi tub.

Golden Tate – Last week, Tate managed to pull in two of nine targets for an astounding 13 yards against a Titans secondary that I wouldn’t recognize the faces of if we sat together in a gondola for seven hours on the clearest day possible. The Packers secondary has been pretty solid, but dislike Tate even more if Sam Shields is back. Stay updated on the injury report by following Anna Nicole Smith and my Twitter immediately.

John Brown – I drafted Brown in a few leagues this year, almost by accident, and turned out to be the second worst accident of my career. A child from the putrid womb of a woman I allegedly impregnated in a Turkish bathhouse actually had the cajones to make an attempt on my life.  At least he showed effort and made me aware of his presence. I cannot state the same about John Brown.

Jack Doyle – As a Dwayne Allen owner and fan, I find in infuriatingly difficult to fathom the reason for Jack Doyle’s being on this football team. Okaaaaay, the dude is solid, but, still I’m confused as to why Allen is not in on all passing downs? All I ask is that you let the big dog eat first. Aiiiight? Let Poppa D.A. get his protein in before you get the leftovers, ok, O’Doyle? Wit cho punk ass.

 

 

Thank you for joining me for another edition of Disgrace/Delight. As per usual I will be responding to all questions and comments below, so please feel free to drop me a line. Ciao.

  1. Matt says:
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    Will Fuller is available on the waiver wire but I’m pretty stacked at WR. Considering dropping Desean Jackson to pick him up. What’s your wisdom on this one?

    • LT Murray IV

      Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Matt: Hmmmm, I would hold DeSean as he’s bound to explode but I wouldn’t blame you for grabbing Fuller. He is producing at a very high level. I’d prob hold tho, personally

  2. William Hung says:
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    Tehol – Cobb has been killing me. Are things going to get better with him?

    Also, I picked up Dwayne Washington to replace Danny Woodhead. Other names I considered and still available are: Funchess, CAP, Kenneth Dixon, Jordan Howard

    • LT Murray IV

      Tehol Beddict says:
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      @William Hung: Mr. Hung, I would certainly hope so as Cobb has somehow fallen off a freaking cliff. I honestly have no clue what happened to dude. I blamed last year on injury but no clue what’s hobbling him now. I’d still bet on him somewhat returning to form.

      I really like what I’ve seen from Howard. I think he eventually gets major run. that would be a nice speculative add

  3. Hometown Heroes says:
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    Hey tehol, I asked your colleague the same questions but want as much input as possible. Would you trade McKinnon and Crabtree for K Benjamin in a 12 team 2 qb standard scoring league with one flex.
    My team is as follows:
    Qb- cam and Brees
    RB-D Johnson, Ware, Charles, Jennings McKinnon
    WR- Hopkins, Floyd Crabtree Coates and Onawu
    TE- Gronk and Bennett

    Also what about Gronk and McKinnon for OBJ, Delanie and G Bernard?
    Thanks again and keep up the good work!

    • LT Murray IV

      Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Hometown Heroes: I dont answer questions that you’ve already asked other people…..Just kidding. I’ll be your huckleberry
      Yep, I would make that move. big upgrade for you at wideout which is a weakness. you have enough at RB

      Preciate cha

  4. WillisReid says:
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    Feel like I’m OK at RB -Miller L Murray Crowell Rawls and just added Dwayne Johnson.

    Need Help at WR IMO -Green Wallace Hurns Agholor and John Brown.

    Should I move a RB for WR help? Which and for what level WR?

    Thanks

    PS totally whiffed on Brown. He was the 2nd WR I took in the draft. Hopefully Wallace bails me out lol

    • LT Murray IV

      Tehol Beddict says:
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      @WillisReid: Yea, that WR section is looking a tad weak but maybe not once Hurns gets it going. Agholor seems to be playable and we’re all assuming John Brown returns to the world at some point. I think Brown will eventually ball out

  5. Nightmare says:
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    Tehol my dude! Greetings!

    Who’s the wideout to own for when Brady comes back

    Amendola or Hogan

    • LT Murray IV

      Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Nightmare: NIGHTMARE!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHH!

      Tough call, since we haven’t really seen Brady with them, but I think they will both be hit or miss but I’m leaning Amendola overall

  6. Zandy says:
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    Tehol! Wahddup man
    Here’s my squad
    Bortles
    Hopkins mFloyd
    Gurley Ingram
    Ware
    Kelce
    Bench: jCharles, jGordon, rJennings, aDalton, jGraham, Hogan, Sproles, Asiata

    I’m looking at some reverse waivers
    Are you dropping anyone for: vCruz, kWhite, bLaFell, rishMatthews, Anquan, Crowder, McCluster, kDixon, cThompson, Doctson, Devontae Booker or kBritt???

    • Zandy says:
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      @Zandy: sorry dawg forgot this is a standard league

      • Zandy says:
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        @Zandy: you missed me? I thought you were my sidepiece since jay is my main squeeze

      • LT Murray IV

        Tehol Beddict says:
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        @Zandy: got cha! SIDE PIECE?!?!?!?!? COME ON NOW!!! Jay is the best, i cant’ lie

    • LT Murray IV

      Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Zandy: ZANDY!!!! I didn’t forget about you big dog! nope, i think you got to stay as is. Floyd isnt consistent enough but you should have Gordon shortly. totally fine at running back. I’d probably just hold for now. you could always drop Dalton for Kevin White or Britt and get another QB later. that’s prob what I’d consider

  7. Miss piggy says:
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    Who do you like more Bennett or Pitta ROS?

    • LT Murray IV

      Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Miss piggy: crazy tough call. haven’t seen Bennett with Brady and only so many targets to go around with that all white receiver core. I’ll lean Pitta, and hope his hip doesn’t break like my heart after the Ultimate Warrior died

  8. Scooter G says:
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    Must drop 1 of C Michael, D Henry, or J Mckinnon. Don’t own any of the players they are handcuffs for and I don’t necessarily need any of them to start this week as I own M Ingram, L Mccoy, and L Murray as my other 3 backs.

    Who would you drop Tehol? Thanks!

    • LT Murray IV

      Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Scooter G: Yikes, tough call! I love em all. Have to see what’s up with Rawls. I would say C-Mike but he should be the best one short term and possibly long if Rawls held out. very tough call. I guess Henry

  9. Runfast says:
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    Hello! Great article, and the humor was a bonus.

    Some help please? In One of my yahoo money leagues: (standard, 10 team), I’m stuck with 2 QBs in Stafford and Eli, I ended up with Kelce and Olsen during the draft at great value. With that being said, I want to take advantage of the league as they don’t appear to be as active: Cmike and McKinnon are still available! I hate carrying 2QBs and hate having 2TE even more, I’ve sent out trade offers but no one is responding lol. Here’s my squad:

    QB: Eli, Stafford
    RB: McCoy, Demarco, Hyde
    WR: Julio, Evans, Dorsett, Sharpe, Enunwa, Sanu

    I went pretty deep at WR looking for value late during the draft since the position dried up quick!

    Notable FA include:
    Golden Tate, CMike, McKinnon, Kevin white, Fozzy, Pitta, Vereen, Hogan, Crowder, Asiata, Washington, Beasley, Dixon and Howard.

    Pretty sure I need to replace Stafford and kelce, and who would you reccomend?

    Thank you!

    • LT Murray IV

      Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Runfast: Glad you enjoyed, my goodman! that’s lame that nobody is responding for offers on two great tight ends. I would grab McKinnnon ASAP! You cannot drop Kelce. you cannot. McKinnon is the high upside add. Im not seeing a drop other than Sharpe. I’d do that for McKinnon no problemo. get it done

  10. Rbbc says:
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    Someone dropped A.foster. Its a ppr league. Should I bid on him and how much of 100 budget. I have
    L.mccoy
    G.benard
    S.Ware
    C.Sims
    T.yeldon
    T.west
    I have enough rb to stash until he is healthy and maybe use a rb for trade bait for a wr

    • LT Murray IV

      Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Rbbc: ummmm, yea, you are absolutely loaded at running back, brohemoth. i would use a decent chunk tho and flip someone else maybe. If Dolphins season goes down the tubes they may go to Drake and AJayi to see what they have. def worth a pickup tho

  11. dom says:
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    Is Cole Beasely worth picking up in a 14 team PPR? 18 targets so far. How do you like him not necessarily this week but season long? Should I drop Philip Dorsett for him? Or my second TE Clive Walford? thanks

    • LT Murray IV

      Tehol Beddict says:
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      @dom: Oh, mos def, Dom Dom. you could drop ur second tight end for him. id hold Dorsett now with Moncrief going down

  12. Brian says:
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    Would you trade AJ Green for Brady I’m weak at QB and my wr are average plus wr are fairly easy to find on waivers. AJ is fading and it started last year bum bust type in major way.

    • LT Murray IV

      Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Brian: No, i absolutely would not. i dont believe he’s a bust. did you forget week one already? that rainy game in Pitt was nasty. who is your QB and who’s available?

  13. TTRA1N says:
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    Big trade offer for me. My Crowell for his Ingram PPR. I know everyone is saying Ingram but I’m skeptical. Ingram seems have lost 3rd down duties to Cadet and Saints don’t run the ball. Crowell is the number 5 over back right now. Thoughts?

    • LT Murray IV

      Tehol Beddict says:
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      @TTRA1N: such a tough call, man. Ughhhh, i hate to make it for you, and this seems nuts, but I’d consider holding. problem is, with Kessler starting teams wills stack the box and Brown will probably be trailing which means more DUke Johnson. Crowell is that high because he had that one huge run. Id still pull the trigger but not mad if you want to wait another week to see how this plays out

  14. William Hung says:
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    Corey Coleman broke his hand cause his jabroni teammate landed on it in practice. WTF – Coleman just had his breakout game and now this? The Browns really are cursed. Anyway, I’ve been debating on whether or not to pick up Funchess, Crowder, or Boyd… if Coleman is out for a while, who do I swap him out for?

    • LT Murray IV

      Tehol Beddict says:
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      @William Hung: Ughhhhhhhhhh. terribel. Truly cursed. Honestly. tough call here but i think Boyd has the highest upside and should see most targets of the 3.

  15. G-man says:
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    What side of the trade you like better?

    Lesean McCoy, Randall Cobb, Ryan Mathews for Todd gurley and Broncos defense.

    I also have Ingram, Crowell and Blount at RB
    I also have Julio, Landry, Marshall, Travis Benjamin, and Josh Gordon at WR

    I’m streaming defenses right now and would rather set and forget my defense if I could

    • LT Murray IV

      Tehol Beddict says:
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      @G-man: thats a lot to give up for Gurley and a defense I believe. You dont really need Cobb so I see what you’re doing and that’s my style with consolidation. im actually fine with it but others may not be haha

  16. John says:
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    I desperately need a TE, what do you think about Ertz and Larry Fitz for Allen Robinson and Delanie Walker? Also would it better if I used mike evans. Thanks

    • LT Murray IV

      Tehol Beddict says:
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      @John: im assuming you’re the side that gets Walker????? if so , then yes, pull the trigger

  17. Jerry says:
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    Hey, Tehol! Pitta or Dorsett? Both are available on the wire?

    • LT Murray IV

      Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Jerry: J-bone! depends on what you need ahhaha. who’s your tight end? I’d say Dorsett with Moncrief being out without knowing your situation

  18. Zandy says:
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    Teholsadface you missed me earlier up above
    Thankyoumuch

    • LT Murray IV

      Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Zandy: im coming back for ya right now , playa. had to handle some business

      • Zandy says:
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        @Tehol Beddict: I thought it’s spelled “bidnaz”

        • Tehol Beddict says:
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          @Zandy: you’re correct. I apologize

  19. friar says:
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    I’m trying to strengthen my WR corp in a 10-team 0.5 ppr league, via the waiver wire, trade, or both. Would love your advice on the following options (which should I pursue? neither? both?). Thanks!

    Option #1) Drop Abdullah for a WR. Top options are Enunwa, Wallace, and Cruz. How would you rank those three ROS?

    Option #2) Trade a RB for a WR. Diggs’ owner had AP and is desperate for a RB. Do you think I have any chance of prying him away for either Gio or McKinnon? If so, which should I offer? If not, which of those two guys should I look to trade, and what kind of WR do you think I could get in return?

    Roster – 10-team 0.5 ppr (QB/2RB/2WR/TE/Flex)
    QB: Flacco (I’ve been streaming – might swap out for Tannehill or Mariota this week)
    RB: Miller, Bernard, McKinnon, Charles, Lewis, Abdullah
    WR: Kelvin, Landry, Maclin
    TE: Gronk, Witten

    • LT Murray IV

      Tehol Beddict says:
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      @friar:

      1) Wallace UNLESS MARSHALL MISSES SIGNIFICANT TIME
      2. Enunwa
      3. Cruz

      2) i would go for it if you can. offer whichever one he prefers but push for Gio. Diggs would be great add. Get that done. roster looks good

  20. dom says:
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    how would you rank these guys ROS: Crowder, M Thomas, T Smith, Dorsett thanks

    • LT Murray IV

      Tehol Beddict says:
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      @dom:

      1. Torrey
      2. Dorsett
      3. Crowder
      4. Thomas

  21. Adam says:
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    Would u start Miami def over panthers def?

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Adam: it makes sense but probably not

  22. Latenighttip says:
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    Hey trying to move Crowell as I can’t get myself to drink the kool aid.

    Would you deal Crowell, Forsett, and c-mike for tevin Coleman and doug Martin?

    I own freeman without the Coleman handcuff, and the guy I’m trading with has Rawls without Michael..

    I could slim the trade down to just:
    1) Forsett and c-mike for coleman or
    2) Forsett and Crowell for doug Martin..

    What have you?

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Latenighttip: yep I would make both deals you mentioned . I’d for for both! Why not eh?

  23. omar says:
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    I asked Jay the question below earlier; would like to get your take as well:

    12 team 1pt PPR. Thoughts on this potential trade proposal:

    Give:
    Gronk
    Forte
    Snead
    Tyrell Williams

    Get:
    Antonio Brown
    Eddie Lacy

    Eifert on the WW – I would stream TE until his return. My main concern would be that my RB situation could take a hit. Lacy would slot as the RB1, others are Christine Michael, Duke Johnson, and would pick up Kenneth Dixon to stash. Almost feel like employing an in-season zero RB philosophy, since so many are going down anyway. I realize the injuries are increasing positional scarcity at RB, but at some point, is anyone going to be worth owning. Would almost rather the less risky option of getting AB’s production ROS, than banking on Forte staying healthy. Plus I have Big Ben as my QB, if that means anything.
    Other WR’s are:
    A-Rob
    Edelman
    Devante Parker
    Michael Thomas
    Chris Hogan

    Am I overthinking this? Too much to give up?

    • LT Murray IV

      Tehol Beddict says:
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      @omar: its a lot to give up but Forte should get banged up at some point this season. Gronk is tough for me to give up but you’re acquiring the number one overall pick in almost all drafts. Snead and Tyrell are both solid tho. you’re def hurting your depth but I’m ok with it

  24. William Trill- Cauley Stein says:
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    Tehol! How are you Chief?! Mind sharing that weekly wisdom with me? Who should I start in my ten team .5 ppr league for week 3?

    QB1-Bortles or Mariota
    RB1- L. Miller/ Hill/ Lacy/ Michael?
    RB2- D. Murray/ Lacy/ Hill/ Michael?
    TE-Kelce
    WR1- Fuller/ G. Tate/Hurns/ T. Sharpe?
    WR2- T. Sharpe/ Hurns/ Fuller/ G. Tate?
    F- Lacy/ J. Hill/ C. Michael/ G. Tate/ Hurns/ Fuller?
    D-NYJ/ JAX/ BALT?
    K- Cantazaro

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @William Trill- Cauley Stein: HELLO, SIR!!!! I’m doing great. how are things?

      Mariota
      didnt see Lamar Miller. my fault. Lacy
      RB2 – Michael
      TE – Kelce
      WR1 – Hurns
      Wr2 Sharpe
      F – Hill
      D – Jets

      • William Trill Cauley-Stein says:
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        @Tehol Beddict: I appreciate it! One more question if you don’t mind. Pittsburgh’s defense is now available on our wire. Pick up Pittsburgh or stick with the NYJ?

  25. Qbert says:
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    Greetings Tehol,

    I am writing to you above the Wall. It’s been a long winter, leaving the Ravens dry. However I send you a white Raven of which includes the utmost important fantasy football question!

    I have a team I am proud of: starting Carson Palmer, Dave Johnson, deangelo, b Marshall, Dez, demaryius, j reed and Zona D.

    However I know Deangelo will soon renounce his title as king of the north to ser Leveon.
    Who would you target for an ample replacement?? Kinda an open question, but would be willing to part ways with a receiver. I have Josh Gordon waiting, and tevin Coleman chillin. Gio also gives me some more unreliable RB depth.

    I’m looking at Trading for Melvin, Chris ivory, lesean McCoy, type RB. Not elite but not horrible. Thoughts??

    Or could I target Doug Martin/Jon Stewart
    Take heed!

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Qbert: Glad to have you back, ser! Tis been far too long but I shall pronounce my loyalty to you for this upcoming Sunday. Who is on your bench that you’re able to trade for one of these players? Melvin has most upside and I still like McCoy to get work. You should be fine with Coleman tho going forward You could tray and trade D Thomas or Marshall. i have no problem with either if you’re able to get a stud in return with Gordo coming back. It’s been a pleasure

  26. Jurickson BROfar says:
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    Jay sent me. C Mike or Tajae in the flex? Standard scoring. Also, my team is so awesome that I have to duct tape myself to my leg. Thanks for that tip.

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Jurickson BROfar: as in, you have constant wood so can’t walk around in public? welcome to my world

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