That pretty much summed up Thursday night’s game.
The final score score was 36-7 and it wasn’t even that close. The Dolphins’ one successful drive was the first one of the second half. It was good to see some fight, although I suspect that head coach Dan Campbell went all Mick Foley on some fools at halftime.
It was cute to see Miami come into this game with some confidence after dispatching of two Arena-league teams. The Dolphins have talent (I picked them to appear in the Super Bowl). Doh! But… you can’t be a serious contender when you have a fight song like this…
Ryan Tannehill – That’s what it looks like when you take a wide receiver and put him at quarterback. Mike Sherman must have lost a bet at the poker table. That’s the only way I can make sense of the Donald Trump phenomenon as well. Tannehill finished the night 28/44 for 300 yards and 2 interceptions.
Lamar Miller – It is almost Halloween, so maybe Joe Philbin was wearing a Dan Campbell mask on the Miami sideline. How else can you explain the 9 carries for 15 yards and 5 receptions for 19 yards? Luckily for fantasy owners, he was able to punch in a goal line carry for a touchdown.
Jarvis Landry – 6 receptions for 71 yards. A decent day, considering Malcolm Butler shadowed him all night long and Tannehill is his Dolphins quarterback.
Rishard Matthews – see Jarvis Landry. Minus the Malcolm Butler shadowing part.
Jordan Cameron – Does he have two first names or two last names? My head is spinning. I’m sure his head is always spinning. 2 catches for 34 yards and 0 concussions.
Tom Brady – Love him or hate him, you gotta respect him. The guy is a surgeon. 26/38 356 yards with 4 touchdowns.
LeGarrette Blount – Got the start and finished with 17 carries for 72 yards. He is such a plodder, but when he gets a head of steam, he’s a freaking locomotive. Unfortunately, he’s one of the worst short yardage backs I’ve ever seen. So strange. Anyways, it looks like Blount will play if the opposing team is soft up front or has a ferocious pass rush.
Dion Lewis – 5 carries for 19 yards but 6 receptions for 93 yards with a touchdown. Freaking matchup nightmare. The Dolphins put their best cornerback on him when he split out wide. His elusiveness is Barry Sanders-esque. I’m not saying he’s Barry Sanders. No one will ever be, but Lewis is close.
Rob Gronkowski – Gronk SMASH! He smashes everything…if you know what I mean. 6 receptions 113 yards with a touchdown.
Julian Edelman – 7 receptions for 81 yards with 2 touchdowns. I guess moving to LA to be Brady’s b@#!* finally paid off huh? Edelman had a quiet first half and did all of his damage when the game was out of hand.
Brandon LaFell – Didn’t drop any passes this week. Woohoo!!! Once he gets into the groove, this Patriots offense is going to be scary.
Danny Amendola – 1 catch for 11 yards. All you suckers that spent your FAAB on him. It’s okay, he was a good pickup but he’s going to be very inconsistent. You didn’t hear about him moving to LA to be Brady’s b!@#% did you?
I was filling in for Jay tonight. Your regularly scheduled awesomeness will return next week. Send some love Jay’s way, as he had some things to take care of…
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