Greetings! How are things? Terrible? Alllllll-Riiiiiiighty then! I had a dental appointment at 6:00 AM (more on this later), this Monday morning, so please, I beg of you, do not hold me accountable for anything inappropriate or offensive I may write in this post. I wonder, did Donald Trump give that warning before advocating a removal of all Mexican and Muslim people in the United States?… YEESH! I already own a pretty annoyingly flashy car. I GUARANTEE you that if I put a Trump sticker on that bitch, I’d get a shattered window within 24 hours. Should we test it out? I’d rather not, but I heard Jay, the greatest editor/writer in the history of sports writing, is heavily involved in Dump’s campaign, so maybe he’ll test this theory for us.

Anyway, I bet not one of you have had to get a gap filled in where you chipped a tooth when a significant other went super freak and put a dildo in your mouth… I mean, I’m always down for experimenting, and who really knows what I’ve done during my countless Molly sessions, but blow isn’t mind altering enough to get me to inhale a fake D… I’m embarrassed. I’m humiliated. I’m exhausted. Let’s talk football before these pain killers knock me out for the count.

I am Tehol Beddict and this is, Getting Wired with the Elders! Take heed!


Fantasy Football Rankings powered by FantasyPros

 

Linda

Tyrod Taylor – What’s left to say? The man has moved into a mythical realm, where only Elder chosen men like Leo DiCaprio and Derek Jeter reside, where they take turns pile driving SI swimsuit models and A-list actresses into an oblivion, only to send them hope with a gift basket and a loose b-hole. With SEVEN total touchdowns in the past two weeks I think it’s safe to say the Tygod haters have stealthily crept back to the crusty troll bungholes they appeared from. What’s not to like? I mean, I broke this down for you BEFORE he was even announced as the starting quarterback. The Elders whispered hints of his upcoming greatness in my ear while I was receiving a rim job from Hulk Hogan’s ex-wife in Puerto Vallarta. To forget the epiphany I had right after I splouged on Mrs. Hogan’s back would be impossible, for it forever changed my life… Oh yeah, this is a waiver wire post… Taylor gets the Eagles, Cowboys, and Washington for the fantasy playoffs, and I fully plan on starting him over cupcakes like Matty “Scary Spice” Ryan and Eli Manning. Know that.

Marcus Mariota – I had Mariota on my list of adds after witnessing him dropping a mastodon sized deuce on the Jags last weekend, but then I saw that he faces the Jets, Patriots, and Texans going forward. Oh well, such is life. Forget I said anything… Or don’t. Doesn’t matter. You’ve got to be realistic about these things.

Bilal Powell  With Chris Ivory banged up, Mr. Reliable, Bilal Powell, has gracefully waltzed back into our lives. I, for one, couldn’t be happier… Actually I couldn’t care less, as there’s absolutely no way in hell I’m actually playing home slice, nor am I recommending it. But this is a waiver wire piece in Week 14, and I’m coming up limper than antidepressant taking grandfather. My apologies.

Chris Polk – FINALLY, someone we can get excited about!!! Not really, but still. I had Polk higher than Blue in my preseason rankings and believe I wrote about him in the preseason, believing he would receive the bulk of the carries over Blue. For possibly the first time in my fantasy football writing career, I was incorrect. BUT LOOK AT ME NOW MOTHERF*CKERS!!! I’m dancing all the way to the bank… that is, if a bank was a foul-smelling room filled with strippers and alcoholics that made me feel less than scum, yet also good at the same time. Again, if you’re desperate, Polk is your guy.

Shaun Draughn – Jesus Christ.

Dorian Green-Beckham – Seriously, you can pick this guy up! And you should! Obsessed doesn’t begin to describe my feelings for DGB and he FINALLY broke out! Just in time for the playoffs, y’all! Oh wait… That schedule though… Ughhhh, we’re getting nowhere here, are we? Do you miss Ralph yet? Me neither.

 

 

Thanks for joining me for another waiver wire extravaganza. I’m going to need to rail an ambien after going through this list of savages. I’M SO JACKED UP!!!!! Anyway, your comments and questions are much appreciated and will be responded to below. Have an excellent week and may the Gods be with you.

  1. Scott says:
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    Tehol! Saw you were back as I was perusing the FantasyPros ECR! Man, I got boned in your BBB league. Case in point why I play in more than 1 league.

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Scott: glad u noticed little old me, my Goodman! I missed you like only another man can miss another man… Errrrr

  2. Eric says:
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    So I’m still dealing with this Gronk issue… talk about bad timing for the playoffs. I own Rudolph but Seferian-Jenkins is out there. Should I drop big Rudy for ASJ since the Bucs have the Saints this week?

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Eric: I’m probably down with that. I’m a huge believer in Rudolphs talent but that cardinals secondary is filthy. ASJ it is!!! Or is there anyone else out there?

      • Eric says:
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        @Tehol Beddict: ehhhhh haha pretty slim pickings out there.. Clay, Gillmore, and Tamme are available

        • Tehol Beddict says:
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          @Eric: ughhhh Clay might be worth it….ASJ didn’t play a ton last week so we don’t know there

          • Eric says:
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            @Tehol Beddict: Okay good point. I’ll keep an eye on both then and figure out what ASJ’s playing time looks like when we get through the week a little bit. Thanks!

            • LT Murray IV

              Tehol Beddict says:
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              @Eric: yep. stay on it, brotha!

  3. William says:
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    Tehol! How are you Big Chief!? Mind helping me figure out who to play for week 14? I am in a ten team standard league.

    QB- Rodgers? OR go get Winston OR Taylor?
    RB1-Martin
    RB2-Gurley?
    F-Lacy? Ingram? Buck Allen? Chandler?
    WR1- Fitzgerald? Moncrief?
    WR2-John Brown? Aiken?
    TE- Eifert or Chandler?
    D- AZ or NYJ?
    K- Crosby or Tucker?

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @William: PRINCE WILLIAM!!! Got to start Rodgers. Going Eifert if healthy but they may be cautious with him. Chandler not bad second option.

      I prefer Cardinals defense especially if revis misses more time but I do hate Thursday night games for fantasy UGHHH.crosby this week as Baltimore should really struggle to score

      You have no other wideouts??? Aiken has Seahawks and moncrief is worthless without Luck

      • William says:
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        @Tehol Beddict: @Tehol Beddict: I’m going to try and get Parker from the wire by dropping Moncrief. If I drop Aiken who should I get between Boldin, Lockett and Adams?

        • Tehol Beddict says:
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          @William: Lockett I would take but Adams is also intriguing as he simply HAS to pick it up

          • William says:
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            @Tehol Beddict: Tehol! Can you help me out? Ingram is out. I dropped Ingram and picked up Powell from the Jets. I also dropped Aiken for Spiller and Adams for Michael Floyd. Who do I start this week?

            • Tehol Beddict says:
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              @William: Can I help you out???? thats what I live for, my Prince. I’m gong Michael FLoyd. if not him then im taking the gamble on Spiller

  4. Jake says:
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    QB question should I start Winston , Dalton or Fitzpatrick this week ?

    Thanks

    • LT Murray IV

      Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Jake: F it, dude. I think im rolling whoever playing that Saints defense at this point. Famous Jameis it is!!!

  5. Teddy Heater says:
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    Teeehizzzzllllllllle,
    Alright with Antonio Brown’s Sunday night performance I made playoffs in 6 of 6 leagues! I’m starting Winston in 2 leagues over Rivers and Stafford so I’m hoping mini-Cam can get me to round 2 where Palmer and Stafford will make it rain championship tickets.

    1. I’m going to roll with Shorts this week over Stevie J @ KC as NE has been pretty generous to that 2nd WR. As K Cousins would say, “You like that?”

    2. Do you like Shorts v NE or White @ Hou in the flex spot?

    3. I have Ben, AP, Gurley, Landry, Hurns, Shorts and Ingram @ TB as my flex play. Non PPR do you like Ingram or Eifert v Pit in the flex? Eifert was 4/39/0 @ Pit in week 8.

    4. Now my biggest headache for next week is what to do with Ben?? He’s facing Denver D, I added Cousins vs Buf as a safety net or I can add Hoyer who’s at Indy? Who do you like better there or do I roll with Ben?

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Teddy Heater: Teddy HEEEEEATA!!!!!! 6/6??? the Elders are with you, my goodman. Yep, i just picked up Winston and plan on starting him over Tyrod which kills me.

      1) Shorts ehhhhhh, is there anyone else available??? I suppose I dont hate it. If it was me, I might go Stevie but i would need to do more research on Johnson

      2) Ughhhh tough call. these Patriot coaching moves infuriate me more than the evil Ramsay Bolton. Is it PPR????? i hate to give u the wrong call here but id lean WHite

      3) Ingram for sho playa. tough matchup but will get short td possibility and can catch the rock

      4. Probably always going with Ben at this point. Hoyer at Indy is pretty solid tho but im not a believer in that defense….obviously hahahha. but id still go Big Ben. they cant be stopped.

      • Teddy Heater says:
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        @Tehol Beddict: Preesh on all the advice! Yeah, I came out of the gates on fire and my studs have been underperforming for the last couple weeks so I’m hoping these mofo’s hit the smelling salts and get after it this weekend. I’m looking at you AP and Gurley!

        1. Shorts vs Stevie, there’s not much on the wirew it’s non PPR and I need to start 3 here’s what I have Landry, Hurns, Shorts, Stevie, Marvin Jones and the best available…Coleman @ TB, Randle @ Mia, Woods @ Phi, Adams v Dal, Green-Beckham or Wright @ NYJ, Parker v NYG (already have Landry)

        2. PPR, love the GOT reference. I know Pats are hard to predict, but White looks like he may have got in the D Lewis groove.

        3. Yeah I was leaning Ingram, but everytime I sit Eifert he scores 2 TD’s and we can only play the TE in the flex spot so it’s always a coin flip. I looked into Pit’s last 8 games and they’ve only let 1 TE score more than 10 pts so Ingram looks like the slam dunk.

        4. I LOVE Ben that dude won me so much cash when he was playing at Miami of Ohio. He covered all but 2 games his senior year so I’m the biggest Ben fan. I felt guilty even asking to sit him, but it’s playoffs mang!!

      • Teddy Heater says:
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        @Tehol Beddict: Ingram just went to IR, Thank the Elder Gods I have Spiller handcuffed!!! So now the question is Eifert or Spiller?

        • Tehol Beddict says:
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          @Teddy Heater: I will respond to the rest of this in a bit but hmmmmmmm, im tempted to go Spiller, man. I really am. I mean, something has to be goign on with dude so maybe they just fuck him and dont play him a lot but i just dont get it. Why not at this point, you know? unless he’s been a cancer behind the scenes it makes no sense. but i think he could have a nice game and as you said steelers doign nice job against tight ends. #Pause

          • goodfold2 says:
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            @Tehol Beddict: peyton said back in week 7 or 8 that he simply doesn’t understand the playbook. hightower will get these carries (he’s also much better in pass pro) book that bet. hightower will get at least 3-1 touches compared to spiller.

            • goodfold2 says:
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              @goodfold2: i’d do eifert before spiller or hightower, no matter which i had though.

              • Tehol Beddict says:
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                @goodfold2: spiller has to be ready to explode. I’m a believer but yea Eifert TD dependent but solid chance he gets one

                • Teddy Heater says:
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                  @Tehol Beddict:Teddy 2-Gloves is doubling down on Spiller! I used to bang Ricky Williams ex-chick & she worked on one of the gambling riverboats out of Shreveport LA, so I’m hoping for a few more scores coming out of the 504 over the next 2 weeks!

                  • Tehol Beddict says:
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                    @Teddy Heater: I’m nominating this for comment of the year for 2015. possibly all time. Just for banging Ricky’s B u deserve a lifetime supply of free Razzball gear.

                    • Teddy Heater says:
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                      @Tehol Beddict: I banged Matt Williams ex-wife too! I told Grey about that adventure a while back. I’ll have to break that shizz down to you one day cause it’s an epic story! It involves my birthday, late night karaoke in the Hollywood Hills and Dolphin alien beings! Effin Epic brotha!

                      http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0001400/

  6. mark says:
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    standard scoring league.: who should i drop out of these: antonio andrews, daniel herron, anquan boldin.

    waiver wire: james white, seferian-jenkins, tyler lockett, richard rodgers, devante parker, DGB,

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @mark: Id drop Herron and Boldin and pick up Parker and Lockett or if you need a running back, Lockett and White.

  7. Nick says:
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    Trying to pick my WRs/Flex this week. My options: Mike Evans, Martavis Bryant, Eric Decker, Doug Baldwin, and DeVante Parker. I can pick three from that group to play, and really trying to find a way to get Baldwin vs. a terrible BAL secondary in there, but can’t justify benching Evans/Martavis/Decker. Am I crazy for not playing Baldwin here?

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Nick: No, i dont think you can bench either of the other three. Baldwin is on fire tho but the other three are still more reliable this week i believe. THe Ravens secondary has been decent at times but RW is on fiiiiiiyah. id still stick wit da big dogs tho cuuuuz

  8. Side dish says:
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    I’m in a half point ppr , 4 player keeper league.

    I have a first round bye so I’m looking forward to next week.

    I have Denver d. Should I be worried about their matchup with the steelers?

    Sproles, ryan Mathews , Baldwin are out there ….
    Defenses available are – Rams, bills, viikimgs

    my team consists of

    Qb – Wilson / Brees
    Rb – lacy, gore
    Wr – Antonio brown, Evans
    Te – eifert/ chandler
    K – josh brown
    Bench – Maclin, r Cobb, Matt jones, gore

    Any suggestions on what to do with Denver ? Also, would you drop jones for any of the free agents ? I m skeptical about dropping him with the chance that he turns into a rb2 next year .

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Side dish: Ooooh, my little side piece. I love how you think ahead. it’s so sexy. we shall see but Denver D pretty much must start no matter what. Big Ben can give up the pick sixes. Dont like the Rams that week. forget who they’re playing but I just dropped them. Bills vikings been getting shredded also. id just stick with Denver and hope they have average or decent outing.

      Wow, no flex? cant bench brown or Evans. Maclin has been great lately so he’s nice replacement. so no REAl need for Baldwin. id consider picking up mathews because Lacy is so fucking trash. Oooooh, its a keeper league. yea, cant drop Jones. id drop Channdler. thats all you can do

  9. Braun Weasleys says:
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    Hey Tehol! Long time no talk,

    First round of the fantasy playoffs,

    Big decision here in Allen hurns vs ind or devante Parker vs the Giants. Both receivers are pretty much the teams number 2 right now but I’m leaning towards hurns and bortoes has been a lot better than tann real life and fantasy. And devante has only 1 good game this year, I can see hurns getting some good looks with a rob drawing the defence!

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Braun Weasleys: Weeeeeeeeeeeeeaz!!!!!! I knew you’d make the playoffs!! with whose help, I have no idea…….I would go Hurns if he has a clean bill of health. Colts 2nd and 3rd corners been getting burnt like a Mike Vick sex partner. Parker is sexy tho and if Hurns is banged up at all or limited id go the other route. chuuuuuch

      • Braun Weasleys says:
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        @Tehol Beddict:

        Finished the league in first! Things were looking like a walk in the park with gurley going off, miamis coach getting fired and Lamar Miller playing well and leveon bell ripping it up and then fantasy football happened.. Haha now I’m in a tough matchup with a team that should have finished higher than 8th.

        • Tehol Beddict says:
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          @Braun Weasleys: UGHHHHH, that sounded like a definite title contender. oh well. I ve seen titles won with less. YOU GOT THIS

  10. Mike says:
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    After getting bounced in the first round of playoffs, I now turn my attention to the remaining 2 leauges that start playoff this week. One leauge is VERY deep, but the other, not so much…..

    Who would you start: 1 leauge-Brees or Tyrod/J-Stewart or Forte?…The other, Brees or Brock? Also, McFadden or Yeldon?

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Mike: Im going Tyrod tho if the weather is shit id go Brees. Brees is the much safer play here as Eagles d was flying around a bit but mostly just worried about really crappy weather. I havent researched but, hey, it’s Philly. going J Stew there unless its ppr. then id POSSIBly reconsider.

      Brees on other league. Yeldon, I suppose. tho i want to say Mcfadden. just thing Cowboys get blown

  11. JBagKY says:
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    I put in a claim for Tyrod Taylor and drop Ryan Tannehill, but I didn’t get it. The next QB on your list that is available is Ryan Fitzpatrick. I still have Luck on my bench but would you drop Tannehill for Fitzpatrick?

    1/2 pt PPR: Start 2 of Devonte Freeman, DeAngelo Williams, Lamar Miller, Danny Woodhead.

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @JBagKY: Sure, why not! FITZMAGIC THE GATHERING!!!! the game that is taking the world by storm. I like Tannhehill matchup this week but who cares. dude is a bum and i dont start people i dont respect. the elders are with you

      Freeman and DeAngelo

  12. roger says:
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    Tehol!

    Got a semi-finals match up this week (single week, PPR) and I have to decide whether I’m comfortable starting Darren McFadden (who I do not trust, and who has played like turd) or Shaun Draughn (who I extreeeeemely do not trust, but who has been playing well in PPR) in my flex spot. The other option would be Stevie Johnson or Donte Moncrief, which both seem like non-starters at this point. Thoughts?

    • Steve Stevenson says:
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      @roger: I like Draughn there quite a bit.

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @roger: its got to be Draughn, breh. i hate to say it but that Cleveland run d is so pathetic, I think Doug Moore could pick up 20 yards before being the first player killed on the football field.

      Dont like Johnson matchup this week but would start him over Moncrief for sure.

      But Draughn is the answer like Allen IVerson cuh

  13. Zandy says:
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    why so low on detroit def? just heartbroken after Green bay game?

    • shookonespart3 says:
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      @Zandy: im wondering the same. I was firing them up and was going to partake in their touchdown dance after they pick 6 case keenum. that’s if they even let that guy throw. good god

      • Tehol Beddict says:
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        @shookonespart3: LAAAAAAWD, shit i might put em top 5. i was borderline asleep when I finished defensive rankings. they shall be adjusted

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Zandy: Im feeling them. i need to adjust defensive rankings. I always update during the week. I LOVE Detroit vs the Rams and will move them into the top 10 accordingly. My apologies and thanks for pointing this out.

  14. Steve Stevenson says:
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    10-team dynasty league, my team got pooty-slapped by injuries this year but I’m still in the playoffs. Standard scoring w/ 6pt pass TD. There are no FA pickups, only waivers once a week (tonight). I have Roethlisberger (@Cin, Den, @Bal) at QB, and my question is do I need to carry a backup in case he gets hurt in practice? I currently have Fitzmagic (Ten, @Dal, NE) in that slot but am considering using the roster spot for a young WR (Lockett, K. White) or RB (Artis-Payne, T. West, Turbin) stash. Other than Fitz, potential backup QBs include Hoyer (NE, @Ind, @Ten), Smith (SD, @Bal, Cle) or Manziel (SF, @Sea, @KC, plus maybe some future value if he ends the season strong).

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Steve Stevenson: pooty slapped????? is that like dick slapped? or nah? yea i think you safe with big ben and even if he gets hurt you can find someone serviceable with nice matchup. no problem at all. you good, Stevie, you good!!!!Elder Blessed

  15. thethrill says:
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    yo, the whitewalker (martavis) froze indy’s secondary and waltzed into the endzone for yet another triumphant dance.

    first round of the playoffs, do I continue my Antonio brown, martavis Bryant stack (against cincy this week) or sit martavis for Sammy Watkins or dez Bryant.

    in fact, I just need someone to help me pick 3 of the following.
    alshon Jeffery, martavis, dez, Antonio, Sammy

    I assume Antonio and Alshon are sure locks, but I’m willing to hear anyone out!

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @thethrill: He is such a legend. I wish there was like a whitewalker movement or some way to mimic it that people would follow hahaha. that shit would be legendary. WOOOOOW, such a tough call as Watkins should GO OFF!!!! Maxwell???? good gaaaawds this coudl get nasty. I would check the weather and go Watkins if it looks ok. otherwise just keep stack goign.

      Antonio, Alshon and Watkins cuuuuuh. thats some g shit. but if it snowing or windy in philly then go back to Martavis

      • shookonespart3 says:
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        @Tehol Beddict: if snowing in cincy i’ll probably just start martavis and sit the rest of my team. martavis does his best work in the deep north beyond the wall.

        thanks. and I kinda agree with Sammy just trying to spread the love in case big ben has a subpar game or something I’m not exposed to one offense too much..

        • Tehol Beddict says:
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          @shookonespart3: he was bread for this shit!!!!!!! A true ranger. I like where your head’s at

  16. shookonespart3 says:
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    I was feeling so good about stashing Detroits D/st until your rankings. why so glim? I’m pretty sure I could QB the rams better than keenum or foles (keenum getting the start this week I hear)

    other options are bills d/st against philly or tampa against NOLA

    thanks as always. hope the dentist treated you well. ask for some nitrous next time.

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @shookonespart3: you’re third person to mention this. I will change immediately. I update rankings throughout week and I spaced. changing now.

      I LOVE DETROIT THIS WEEK. May the Gods be with you. Aint no such things as halfway crooks

  17. chadaristic says:
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    If Mark Ingram is out, where do the Saints give the carries?

    Spiller?
    Hightower?
    Murphy?

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @chadaristic: Hopefully to Spiller. fuck these other bums

  18. Aubrey Plaza's Pillow says:
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    another week.
    ARI
    CIN
    BUF
    CAR
    SF
    CHI
    DET
    KC
    TB
    JAX
    NYJ
    HOU
    DEN
    GB
    SEA
    MIA

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Aubrey Plaza’s Pillow:

      Ari- didnt get this in but i would have taken no matter what.
      Pitt
      BUFF
      CAR
      CLE
      CHI
      DET
      KC
      Saints
      Colts
      JETS
      Pats
      Den
      PACK
      SEA
      NYG

      • Aubrey Plaza's Pillow says:
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        @Tehol Beddict: i already assumed nobody in their right mind would’ve NOT taken ARI there.

Comments are closed.