I thought this was supposed to be the Van Jefferson and OdB fan club meetup? No? Did we get an NFT of the Steamer? Hey Donkey Teeth, why didn’t you invest in that? These kind of intros are SEO nightmares. On the one hand, Google thinks “Van Jefferson NFT” is super cool but on the other hand…Steamers. We better get into the MNF coverage before this post gets NSFW, but really, nothing could be more on-screen violence than what the 49ers did to the Rams last night.Â
Jimmy Garoppolo:Â 49ers coach Kyle Shanahan knew that Jimmy G is a man of vanity. Once Shanahan realized that Jimmy G had replaced his locker with a full-length mirror so he could admire his post-practice physique, the coach put in Trey Lance at QB to scare Jimmy G into fearing for his paycheck (this is a true story, Google it after you’re done searching for “Van Jefferson NFT”). Ever since the [checks notes] quarterback of the future Trey Lance was [checks DT’s notes] sneakily brought into games to show JG that there were two men in the mirror, Tom Brady’s protege (that’s Jimmy) has been a more-than-acceptable game planner that has absolutely not lit up the fantasy world. Or at least my RazzBowl squad. I’m watching my team sit a George Kittle TD behind Adam Ronis from advancing to the next round. Why, Adam, why? I tried to be the Trey Lance to the GOAT, but Ronis went ahead and Garoppolo’d me. What does that even mean? It means if you shoot for the king, you best not miss. I’ll be awaiting my retribution in the lunch room of Razzball HQ, where my only defense is microwaved fish.Â
Jeff Wilson: OK, as analysts, we play the odds. 6th round picks like Elijah Mitchell almost never amount to anything in the NFL, and they almost almost never are fantasy useful in their rookie year. And they’re especially not useful when guys like Jeff Wilson come back to “reclaim” their starting jobs. Wilson returned from injury with a metric dime of carries of 28 yards while his usurper Mitchell took over 20 carries. If you’re angry at any of the RazzCrew for recommending Jeff Wilson, just know we were trying to play the odds. Mitchell is this year’s James Robinson, and although he’s not wildly efficient, it’s feasible that Mitchell is a FLEX/RB2 keeper player next year.Â
The Rams Running Game: Aight, when Tom Brady was down 28-3, did he hand off the ball to whatever nameless running back that Bill Belichick was rostering at the time? No, he took that deflated ball and he chucked it gently over the middle to Gronk and let him do the work. In the mature football coach’s playbook, they know in their prefrontal cortex that they gotta re-establish the running game. But somewhere deep in the limbic system, their lizard brain shouts, “fly routes! 3-and-outs! Slants!” And sometimes when the “air it out” theory of evolution is on display, we see the genetic links between the G.O.A.T. and the vestigial Lions. Stafford’s a fine QB but he’s not Tom Brady, and the 49ers crushed him. As the Rams went nuts and passed the ball 40+ times with most of the passes landing on the turf or in the arms of ball boys on the sidelines, Darrell Henderson and Sony Michel did nothing on the ground. Henderson got banged up but came back to play in garbage time in the 4th quarter so I wouldn’t worry too much going into next week.Â
[looks around] I mean, did anybody even finish watching the game? The Rams didn’t show up, and the 49ers were in clock management mode at halftime. If the most entertaining thing about the billion-dollar production that was NFL Monday Night Football was my article, drop a comment and show some love. Otherwise, we’ll see you on Thursday for the primer. Have an awesome week and see you soon!Â
