ROAD-HOUSE

In 1989, James Dalton gave us three simple rules. One, never underestimate your opponent. Expect the unexpected. Two, take it outside. Never start anything inside the bar unless it’s absolutely necessary. And three, be nice. I bet most of you had no idea that Dalton’s first name was actually James. And for those of you that have no idea who Dalton is, shame on you! Close your browser, get yourself a six pack of brewskis and a bottle of Jack and watch Road House. Dalton, portrayed by the late Patrick Swayze, was one of the toughest, ass kicking dudes in movie history. Recruited by the owner of The Double Deuce, a rowdy dive bar in Missouri, Dalton moves from NYC to take over security and help clean up the violence that is destroying the bar. Dalton is a professional “cooler”, or bouncer for those of you less informed readers. Despite being able to handout a beatdown like it’s his job (which it is), Dalton doesn’t actually like violence. He has a degree in philosophy and practices thai chi. This, however, does not keep him from literally ripping Jimmy’s throat out with his bare hands. Bottom line, Road House is one bad ass film. From Jasper, Missouri we travel nearly 650 miles east to Cincinnati. From one Dalton to another. My lineup of waiver wire fodder is led at quarterback by The Red Rifle, aka Andy Dalton. No relation to James.

Here’s the complete lineup…

POS Name Points Owned
QB Andy Dalton 18.86 26%
RB Bishop Sankey 21.6 49%
RB Danny Woodhead 20.2 49%
WR James Jones 19.1 30%
WR Travis Benjamin 16.4 0%
TE Austin-Seferian Jenkins 25.5 59%
FL Percy Harvin 17.3 41%
DST Tennessee 15 2%
K Zach Hocker 14 2%

This lineup combined for 167.96 points and would have beaten any lineup you might have faced last week. Just as an example, in our Razzball Writers League the average points scored by a team was 117 points. That’s 50 points less than my star studded, Dalton-led, lineup above. I scored 131.24 points getting the best of Tehol, who put up 126.22 points. It seems starting Benjamin Cunningham wasn’t such a bad play.

Let’s take a closer look at this week’s unexpected heroes. For the record, except for Jenkins, not one player is owned in more than 50% of Yahoo! leagues (at the time this was written).

Andy Dalton – It would have made my title even cooler if Dalton had scored 22 points this week. Instead he put up just under 19 by throwing for 269 yards and 2 touchdowns. Before you jump to any conclusions let me state that I am not endorsing Andy Dalton. He belongs on the waiver wire. Given the right matchup, he could be a serviceable bye week fill-in. I selected him this week mostly because his last name was Dalton and it allowed me to seamlessly do a post on Road House. However, for a player owned in just 26% of leagues, he did have a nice week. I probably should have selected Alex Smith who scored 23.22 points and is owned in just 20% of leagues. If Swayze’s character’s name had been Smith, I would have.

Bishop Sankey – I’m trying to figure out how Sankey is owned in only 49 percent of leagues. He’s a starting RB, and his primary preseason competition, David Cobb, is on IR and will be out for at least half the season. Sankey rushed for 74 yards on just 12 carries (6.1 yards per carry), while scoring a rushing touchdown. He also caught 2 passes for 12 yards, including his second touchdown of the game. One if by land, two if by air. Bishop takes knight. He should be owned!

Danny Woodhead – Pinocchio had a wood head. Was Danny carved by Geppetto too? While Woodhead was only able to rush for 42 yards on his 12 carries, he was able to find the end zone twice during those 12 carries. He added 4 receptions for another 20 yards on 7 targets, scoring just over 20 points. Woodhead has been, and still is, a very good PPR play. Melvin Gordon put up very similar numbers only he scored 0 touchdowns. If I were in your league and Woodhead was on the wire, he wouldn’t be after tomorrow. Then again, if I were in your league he wouldn’t have been on the wire in the first place.

James Jones – Jones makes this list because he managed to catch 2 touchdown passes. While that’s nothing to shake a stick at, without those two touchdowns, he would have only scored 7.1 points. Aaron Rodgers and the Packers are going to score a lot of points, and now we know that Jones is in the mix. I wouldn’t mind having Jones on my bench, but I’m not dropping Stevie Johnson or Roddy White to make room.

Travis Benjamin – Is Travis doing his best Kelvin impersonation? Perhaps, but even with 3 receptions on 3 targets for 89 yards and a touchdown, I’d still rather have a healthy Kelvin. Considering most of his production came on a 54-yard touchdown pass from Johnny Manziel, I’m not intrigued by his performance. If he’s on the wire in your league, and I know he is since his ownership is 0%, leave him there.

Austin Seferian-JenkinsRob Gronkowski had 5 catches for 94 yards. Seferian-Jenkins had 5 catches for 110 yards. Rob had 3 touchdowns. Austin had two. Both had great weeks. Gronk was drafted in the 1st round. ASJ was drafted in the 12th round. I’m likely not dropping my current tight end to pickup Seferian-Jenkins, especially since I have Eifert, but I would keep an eye on him if he is still on your wire next week and he another good week.

Percy Harvin – Harvin had 5 receptions for 79 yards and a touchdown. However, that touchdown was a 51-yard bomb from Tyrod Taylor. I know, we’ve all seen it. It was pretty, but without that catch, Harvin’s stats are pedestrian. I’ll put him in my watch list, but that’s as far as I’m willing to go.

Tennessee Titans – The Titans DST had a nice weekend. The only points they allowed were Austin Seferian-Jenkin’s two touchdowns. Two interceptions, including a pick-6, helped the Tennessee DST put up 15 points. I’m a defensive streamer, so you’re not really going to hear me recommend picking up a defense that just had a good week as I’m all about the next matchup. However, the Titans do get the Browns next week…

Zach Hocker – Quite honestly I only chose this dude because his last name was Hocker. I wonder if he spits a lot? Does he like to sell all of his sh*t?

Just to compare. Going into last week, would you rather have had the above lineup or the following lineup. I think we both know which one you are going to say. And for the record, even though this lineup only scored 86.54 points, the correct answer is the this lineup because I’m willing to bet that it will outscore my motley crew of players the rest of the season.

POS Name Points Owned
QB Russell Wilson 16.14 100%
RB Adrian Peterson 6.7 100%
RB Marshawn Lynch 14.9 100%
WR A.J. Green 8.8 100%
WR Demaryius Thomas 9.5 100%
TE Greg Olsen 1.6 100%
FL Calvin Johnson 4.9 100%
DST Seattle 19 99%
K Stephen Gostkowski 5 100%

In related news, a Road House remake is in the works with Ronda Rousey set to play the role of Dalton. I don’t care how tough she is, I hate this with a passion. Even if she tried to break Turtle’s arm because he wasn’t trying to screw her, I just don’t like it. What’s her next role? Maximus in a remake of Gladiator? Don’t do it Ronda…

Give me the biggest guy in the world, you smash his knee and he’ll drop like stone…” -Dalton

I want you to be nice until it’s time to not be nice…” -Dalton

road_house_tai_chi

 
 

You can follow malamoney on Twitter.

  1. Barker says:
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    10 team 1/2 ppr

    Trade currently offered to me
    I give graham marshall i get cooks mathews davante adams

    My rbs murray gore crowell coleman blount
    My wrs dez marshall garcon robinson agholor
    My tes olsen graham asj

    I also have a trade offered to someone that i am waiting on an answer for

    I give graham gore i get lamar miller maclin

    • malamoney

      malamoney says:
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      @Barker: Since you have Olsen, I like the first deal. I’m big on Cooks and Matthews. That is if you are referring to Jordan Matthews and not Ryan Mathews…

      • Barker says:
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        @malamoney: its ryan mathews

        • malamoney

          malamoney says:
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          @Barker: I’d sooner just move Graham straight up for a RB or WR…

  2. Nick says:
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    What up Malamoney, how was your week 1? Quick question regarding my QB position in a 10-team standard scoring…with Peyton being my only QB on roster, would you drop Andre Williams (bench RB behind Sankey as #1 bench RB) for Carson Palmer or Tyrod Taylor? Or am I panicking on Peyton & should just roll with him until I reach his bye-week, then grab a flier?

    In a shallow 10-team, I’m worried about Manning’s fantasy production & could have a solid backup in Palmer/Taylor rostered for $0 FAAB, & I have no problem dropping Andre Williams…also Tyrod & Carson have different bye weeks than Peyton so thats a plus…only other FA QBs are Kaepernick, Alex Smith, Winston, Foles, Bridgewater & Cousins…& none of those strike me…

    My other option is too leave QB position with Peyton & snag a RB like Tre Mason who was just dropped by somebody in my league…he would probably require me to place a FAAB bid but might be worth my time as there is nothing worthy of stashing in a 10teamer after our waivers cleared today…my roster is as follows;

    QB-Peyton
    RB-DeMarco/AP
    WR-Garcon, Ty, Amari Cooper
    Flex-J Randle
    TE-M Bennett
    K-Tucker
    D-STL
    Bench-Charles Johnson, Roddy White, Wheaton, B Sankey & A Williams, L Green

    Let me know if you think I should make a play for a backup QB right now, or go for Tre Mason, dropping A Williams (let me know what you would bid, we have 100$ budget, I have $88 left)

    • malamoney

      malamoney says:
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      @Nick: What up Nick. It was a good week. I went 3-0 and advanced to the World Series in my fantasy baseball points league. Big week!

      This is a tough one. I’d rather have Mason over Williams. Williams is really only useful if Jennings gets hurt. The thing is that Jennings has a history of injuries. I’d still rather have Mason, but it’s not by a lot.

      I also like Palmer. I think he is going to be a good fantasy QB this season, but I’d rather have Manning. Do you need to have two tight ends? With Ty Hilton out, you might be a little weak at WR…

      • Nick says:
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        @malamoney: So I do not need 2 TEs, we only start 1 TE & a flex (WR/RB/TE option). Since I roll out DeMarco/AP at RB1/2, I will typically have J Randle at flex…the thing is, I just snagged L Green for $16 FAAB, so not looking to dump him already! Would rather try to package him & someone else on my team for an upgrade at WR if anything…

        Back to waivers though, we would agree to target Tre Mason dropping A Williams, but what is a good bid, considering my needs are low, but keeping him from another team only helps too since Williams is useless for a 10 team league…

        & if I do not get Mason, would you drop A Williams for Carson as backup? Will need a bye-week fill in week 7 for Peyton but thats a few weeks down the line..

        • malamoney

          malamoney says:
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          @Nick: I’d say $10, but if Green cost you $16 $10 might not cut it.

          I would not drop Williams to pickup Palmer. If Jennings goes down, Williams has very good value. But I’d rather have Mason over Williams…

          • Nick says:
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            @malamoney: Fair enough…Green would have only cost me $7 if I could predict the future but I overpaid by $10..but hey, that same guy I beat out for L Green, paid $37 for Donte!! What a fool when we only have $100…I think $11 would be a competitive bid for Tre..

  3. Vinman says:
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    So i was offered Brandon Cooks for Lamar Miller. Im a little light on receiver so am considering it but would like your opinion. My starting team is,
    QB Carson Palmer
    WR Golden Tate
    WR Piere Garcon
    RB Lacy
    RB Gore
    FLX Miller
    TE Reed
    I have Rashad Jennings on my bench as my backup if i trade Miller.

    • Aubrey Plaza's Pillow says:
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      @Vinman: repost as it appears accidentally missed, but mention PPR or not, how many teams, entire team with bench players etc for fullest help.

  4. friar says:
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    In my 14-team non-ppr league, I ended up with two stud QBs, having drafted Luck early and grabbing Brady when he just kept falling and it felt sacrilegious to let him just sit there in a league this deep. I normally wait to take a QB and only draft one, but I figured with 14 teams, top QBs have more value than in a shallower league. This means, though, that I want to trade one of these guys at some point, and I’m trying to maximize the value I can get.

    I thought I might shop Brady around after his big Week 1 (I’d be fine trading either for the right return, but it doesn’t seem like a good time to trade Luck), but I realize people might be reluctant to give up anything of value this early in the season. I have a solid team, and I’m fine sitting on these assets until the market develops, but I’m not quite sure what kind of value I should be going for.

    I think the biggest need on my team is a true #1 WR, so that’s what I figured I’d try to acquire. Who are some WRs who you think would be fair value for Brady in this league?

    14-team, non-ppr, start QB, 2 RB, 2 WR, TE, Flex
    QB: Luck, Brady
    RB: Anderson, Hyde, Ellington (injured), Sproles, C. Michael
    WR: Wallace, S. Smith, James Jones, Moncrief, R. White
    TE: Bennett

    • malamoney

      malamoney says:
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      @friar: Perhaps Jordan Matthews? TY Hilton? Brandin Cooks?

      • malamoney

        malamoney says:
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        @malamoney: You’ll probably have to wait a few weeks, however…

  5. Scott says:
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    Austin Seferian-Jenkins scored a lot of points in week 1 largely cause Mike Evans was out. As of now Evans is still on the fence for week 2 but if he’s playing, wouldn’t you expect Seferian-Jenkins to have a much lower total?

    • Aubrey Plaza's Pillow says:
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      @Scott: i think mostly everyone agrees with that.

  6. Ray says:
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    Fitzgerald, Royal and Torrey Smith on the wire. Which is my pickup?

    Also Delanie Walker, Kyle Rudolph, Seferian-Jenkins, or Heath Miller ROS?

    • malamoney

      malamoney says:
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      @Ray: Fitzgerald. I’m leaning ASJ, but could be convinced to go with Miller…

  7. Mike says:
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    Rudolph or reed ROS?
    10 team standard

    • malamoney

      malamoney says:
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      @Mike: Rudolph…

  8. Mike says:
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    Taliaferro, Karlos Williams , or hillman
    Standard league
    Taliaferro is healthy now

    • malamoney

      malamoney says:
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      @Mike: Hillman…

    • Aubrey Plaza's Pillow says:
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      @Mike: not 100% but i think on depth charts pre any injury he was still behind j.allen.

  9. Mike says:
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    Brandon Coleman or Stevie Johnson ROS?
    Standard league

    • malamoney

      malamoney says:
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      @Mike: Johnson…

  10. Jerry says:
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    Hey, Malamoney! Chiefs d or Colts d ros? Thanks!

    • malamoney

      malamoney says:
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      @Jerry: You’re asking the wrong guy about a DST for the rest of the season. I’m a weekly streamer when it comes to DST. This week I’d be going with Indy. If I was forced to pick one, I’d go KC…

    • Aubrey Plaza's Pillow says:
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      @Jerry: almost everywhere for ROS you’ll see KC ranked 5-7 spots higher.

  11. Jerry says:
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    Ok, thanks for the help!

    • malamoney

      malamoney says:
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      @Jerry: Any time!

  12. NPI says:
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    In Standard League, My team is:

    QB P Manning Mariota
    RB Lacy, Murray,D Freeman, Hillman, Spiler
    WR B Cooks, B Marshall, J Maclin, Charles Johnson
    TE Eifert
    K Bailey
    Def Denver and Arizona

    Who do you recommend me starting? Do I still go with Manning and Maclin even though they are on the injured list? Who do you recommend for flex? Thanks

    • malamoney

      malamoney says:
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      @NPI: I’m sticking with Manning unless he is confirmed out. I’d start Maclin if he plays. Probably Hillman…

  13. amsoley0506 says:
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    Standard format:
    What 2 RB’s would you start?
    Abdullah
    A.morris
    CJ?K
    Dion lewis
    I have forte as Mt rb1. Feel like Morris has a tough matchup and CJ?k could get some volume. But Morris did decent wk1

    • malamoney

      malamoney says:
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      @amsoley0506: Abdullah and Morris. It’s tough to trust a RB in New England…

  14. Mike says:
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    Would u drop charles Johnson to pick up Stevie Johnson??
    Standard league

    • malamoney

      malamoney says:
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      @Mike: I don’t know. But I would be tempted. I like Stevie Johnson this year. He was one of my big sleepers coming into the season and he delivered nicely in week 1. I think he’s going to do well in San Diego. If you said PPR, I would have said yes for sure. The more I think about it, the more likely I am to make the move. I know most sites rank Charles higher, but I kinda like Stevie. Nothing like swapping one Johnson for another…

  15. Mike says:
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    Start Chiefs or ten DST this week??

    • malamoney

      malamoney says:
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      @Mike: Titans…

  16. Aubrey Plaza's Pillow says:
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    even though i’m of the right age to have watched that movie many years ago i hadn’t seen it till about 2 months ago, and even then due only to the husband of the head that lays on me in Parks and Rec acting out the entire movie by himself. I also had no idea it was in MO, although that may have been clearly mentioned in said movie.

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