Who Are These Guys?, Week 3: You Never Had Your Carr

You almost had me? You never had me – you never had your car… Granny shiftin’ not double clutchin’ like you should. You’re lucky that hundred shot of NOS didn’t blow the welds on the intake! You almost had me? Back in 1999, I bought a 1997 Mitsubishi Eclipse GSX. I had wanted one of these cars for a while because I knew they had potential to be very fast with just a few minor modifications. I didn’t know much about cars back then, but I was determined to learn. Over the course of the next two or three years, I gradually upgraded my DSM. During that time, I made a handful of great friends that helped me with the bigger projects that were beyond my scope of skills. I was able to up-install an Injen intake, upper intercooler pipe, turbo timer, boost controller, and even an A’PEXi Super AFC. But when it came to swapping out the stock T25 turbo with a 16G, or the wimpy side mounted intercooler with a GReddy front mounted intercooler, I had to rely on the expertise of GSXtreme (aka JM Fabrications). He had a GSX too. I was a pretty red color and it was fast. Real fast. There was something extremely rewarding (and fun) about putting time and effort into my car and then taking it to the quarter-mile track to evaluate the upgrades. Eventually I was able to drive that 2.0-liter DOHC 4-cylinder engine, 4-speed automatic transmission, all wheel drive car to a sub 13-second quarter mile (12.95). But the most satisfying reward was the ability to embarrass Mustangs on a routine basis. I lived in the Trenton, NJ area at the time, and on Sunday nights everyone would meet in the Best Buy parking lot on Route 1, just north of Philly. We’d admire each others’ rides, bullsh*t for a while, and then head to the side streets and race. It was fast and the furious before The Fast and The Furious was fast or furious. Fast forward fifteen years and I still have that car. With just 80,000 miles, it sits in my garage and is never driven, but I still have it. I should probably sell it, and would if I got a fair offer, but I am just not motivated to let it go.

This week’s fast and furious lineup is led by Oakland’s Derek Carr. Here is the rest of the squad:

This lineup combined for 201.84 points! 200 points is some serious points. And look at the ownership on these guys. I bet you wished you submitted this lineup in your DraftKings tournament. Let’s a take a closer look at each of these players.

Derek Carr – I think this might have been Carr’s best performance ever. Considering last year was his first year in the NFL, that’s not saying much. Regardless, he threw for 351 yards and 3 touchdowns. Did I mention he plays for the Raiders? As far as I’m concerned he can stay on the waiver wire. This was a great week, but there are just too many better options in front him. Unless of course you own Tony Romo and are desperate.

Matt Jones – Jones could quite possibly be the real deal. He is a mixture of power and speed with the ability to catch passes. He’s got only one thing in his way. Alfred Morris. But not last week when he ran for 123 yards on 19 carries (6.47 YPC) and 2 touchdowns. Those are stud stats. While I do not expect Jones to catapult passed Morris on the depth chart just yet, he has certainly opened some eyes. A lot of eyes. In PPR leagues he should be owned. I know I’ve got my FAAB locked in as we speak. Actually by the time you read this he will hopefully be on my roster.

Dion Lewis – I’m really not sure how he is owned in only 34% of leagues. I grabbed him after his week 1 performance. I realize that owning a Patriots running back can be frustrating, but I think it’s clear that Lewis is worth that risk. Heck he fumbled again this week and Belichick sent him back out there. Even though he only carried the ball 7 times, he was still able to muster 40 yards (5.71 YPC) and a TD. However he also saw 9 targets, catching 6 for 98 yards. I said that Jones should be owned in PPR leagues. Well in PPR leagues, Neon Dion is a must own.

Michael Crabtree – Hey I remember this dude from a few years ago. After a terrible 2015 season it’s easy to understand Crabtree’s lack of ownership. The question is, with 9 catches for 111 yards and a score, how high will his ownership rise. I think he has potential, but I don’t think he will be consistent enough to start. He might be worth a stash if you have the roster spot to spare, but otherwise I’m going to need to see more.

Travis Benjamin – If you are having deja vu reading this name it’s because he was on this list last week. At the time I said I had no interest in owning him. I still don’t. Benjamin had 4 targets. He caught 3 of them for 115 yards and 2 touchdowns. The week before he had 3 targets. Did I mention he’s a Cleveland Brown? As a red zone target he’s gotten my attention, but I know if I add him and start him, it will be the first week of several to follow in which none of his 4 targets end up as touchdowns.

Crockett Gillmore – Davy, Davy Crockett King of the Wild Tight Ends. Gillmore led all tight ends in points this week, but that’s only because Gronk scored just one touchdown. Crockett caught 5 passes for 88 yards and 2 touchdowns. He’s worth adding to your watch list, but unless he shows us more in the coming weeks, that’s as close as he’s going to get to my roster. And since I own Eifert and Rudolph, he’s not even going to get that far.

Leonard Hankerson – Hank the tank. If he has time between catching 6 passes for 77 yards and a touchdown I think he’s going to go to Home Depot and Bed Bath and Beyond. I’ve got a hankering for not picking this guy up.

Kyle Brindza – I refuse to discuss kickers.

Cowboys DST – No thanks.

For sh*ts and giggles, here’s a real lineup of studs that better hope they didn’t own themselves in their personal fantasy leagues. Studs? How bout duds! Kyle Brindza outpointed every player on this list. Nuff said…

“I live my life a quarter mile at a time. Nothing else matters: not the mortgage, not the store, not my team and all their bullsh*t. For those ten seconds or less, I’m free.”