Wow, what an opening weekend! Fantasy football just got wilder then Richard Gere on a weekend getaway at a gerbil farm. Of course I’m not referring to the outcomes of the REAL football games, as there were not big time shockers there, other then RG3 leading “the Skins” over the Saints. I’m referring to the shockingly high amount of targets some players received, and the horrifying total targets a few other big names earned. And that is what I will be writing about weekly here on Razzball. So please partake in this weekly festivity with me as you will hopefully receive some added insight to help with future decisions. Playing and writing about fantasy football for a living is a hard job, but somebody has to do it. Let’s begin.
Reggie Wayne- 9 catches for 135 yards on 18 targets. EIGHTEEN! Would have been nice for us who owned Weezy last season to get anything resembling this for a two game stretch, let alone one game. Obviously Curtis Painter was one of the worst starting QB’s of all time so we can’t place to much of the blame on Wayne. But for a guy who was seemingly washed up, these are insanely impressive numbers. The Colts will be playing from behind more often then Peter North, meaning it’s almost a sure thing Wayne will continue to be targeted as often as Oprah is for fat jokes. Consider yourself lucky for grabbing this perversely talented veteran. Or maybe you knew all along. I, on the other hand, did not see this coming.
Wes Welker- 3 catches for 14 yards on 5 targets. This probably isn’t what Welker draftees were expecting from a man trying to secure a long term, huge money deal. Then again, maybe this is just the “Patriot way” taking effect. Maybe “the hoodie” is just phasing him out of the offense, as they look to part ways next offseason. Brandon Lloyd was brought in, and the two freakishly talented tight ends need the rock as well. This still doesn’t begin to explain why Julian Edelman was in the game for a bunch of snaps in his place. Do we have a Randy Moss type situation brewing? Did you draft Welker in the 2nd or 3rd round of your draft? Right after that did you put your life savings in Kodak stock? I truly hope not is my answer to all three questions. For your sake. This could get weird.
Alfred Morris- 28 carries for 96 yards and 2 touchdowns. Carries are obviously not receiving targets, but it’s basically the same thing and vital for setting your fantasy lineup so let’s not get technical. Morris is being picked up faster then Apple stock in fantasy leagues around the world. By the way, the stock was at 669.79 at the time this was written. Hold on a second. Ok, I’m back as I just hit myself in the nuts with a tack hammer for an hour for not buying more of this years ago. Moving on. The Redskins running back situation has been torturous for all fantasy owners since the red skinned coach, Mike Shanahan was hired, but maybe this is their guy.
May I ask where Roy Helu Jr. fits in, in this equation? He showed extreme talent last season and in my eyes, was by far their best option going forward. A guy I thought would play perfectly off of RG3, with his pass catching and big play ability. I’d go as far as calling him a poor man’s Marshall Faulk. Was that too much? Yea, it probably was. Anyway, Morris should be added in all formats and has a prime matchup this week against the Rams of Saint Louis. I would still be hesitant to start him, but maybe that’s just because I’m bitter I didn’t get him on waivers this week. Therein lies the problem with spanking the competition. Woe is me.
Lagarrette Blount- 3 carries for 8 yards. Boom goes the dynamite. This young man is officially fantasy irrelevant. It seems like the rookie, Doug Martin, as expected, is going to be carrying the load for the time being. Blount isn’t the kind of man to take a demotion like this in stride. He’s like Seal, after discovering his wife, Heidi Klum, was banging her security guard. He’s going to be defiant and loud the whole way through. But he’s forgotten one thing, and it’s an extremely huge thing. He hasn’t given hundreds of millions of fans eargasms, by serenading them with “Kiss From a Rose,” while being part of the greatest movie soundtrack ever made: Batman Forever. Nope, he’s just the jerk who knocked out that innocent little Boise State player, then signed as a free agent, only to end up out of the league 3 years later, dead broke. Was that harsh? On the other hand, Martin could underwhelm like Tom Arnold in the sack(allegedly), or get injured, and this roach clip could be sparked up again in no time, and inserted into the starting lineup and lead your team to the title. That sounds a little far fetched. Maybe just go with my original thoughts and just drop him. Shame on you Heidi! That’s a beautiful and talented man you cheated on. Kudos to Seal for not going quietly into that good night. Is this paragraph ever going to end………Yes.
Desean Jackson- 4 catches for 77 yards on 11 targets and 1 carry for 5 yards. Jackson was inexplicably ranked way down on many pre-draft lists and I for one, plan on reaping all the benefits. Yes, I get that he didn’t get in the zone, but Vick was off target on some throws, and Jackson was matched up with adderall loving Joe Haden, who is a very good corner(remains to be seen how good with out the use of meth aka adderall). Jackson was also given a carry and is still receiving punts, which depending on your league’s scoring set up, could be a huge bonus. His big play ability is matched by few, and now that he’s been paid, there’s no stopping this speedster. Maybe Vick should get out to the dog park and throw some smaller balls around. You know, really work on his pinpoint accuracy. The four picks was disheartening, mainly because I own him in the razzball writers league which you will be reading about weekly. Your better then this Michael.
Ray Rice- 10 carries for 68 yards for 2 tds and 3 receptions for 25 yards on 4 targets. Is it to0 much to ask, for the Ravens to run the ball when up 3 touchdowns in the late 3rd and entire 4th quarter? We get it. You guys can throw the ball now. Flacco has a great arm. Awesome! Just don’t forget about my favorite little running back, Ray Ray. He looked light on his feet, and darted through the defense with ease on what seemed like every carry. For many of us(ME), Rice only getting those 10 carries was the difference between a win and a loss. That’s just not the way you play with a large lead. So coach Harbaugh, if you’re reading this, which I’m sure you will, don’t forget to pound the rock a little bit. Cool? Thanks bud.
Dexter McCluster- 6 catches for 82 yards on 10 targets. I’m not saying to start this guy for this week or anything, but I’m advising you to pick him up and keep tabs on the situation. Maybe this is finally the year where the Chiefs get full use out of this dynamo. He’s one of the many weapons in the Chiefs arsenal and they need to get McCluster the rock in space and let the magic take place. That rhymed, and yes I meant it to. On the other hand, the quarterback of this team is Mathew Cassel, who is one of the worst QB’s in the league. Owning any of the Chief’s receivers is kind of similar to being a smoker in the Obama administration; You want to blaze up but have to pay those increased rates and taxes to do so. In other words, you want to start these off-the-charts talented Chiefs wideouts but you can’t because it will cost you dearly based on the ability of the man in charge of the show. This has to be Cassel’s last chance, right? I for one, can’t take it any longer. The guy is a backup. Move on. Fire Romeo while you’re at it. Now that was just mean and unnecessary, but hey, I meant it.
Dennis Pitta/Coby Fleener- 5 catches for 73 yards on 9 targets with 1 td and 6 catches for 82 yards on 10 targets. The Colts and Ravens seem intent on hurling the ball down the field early and often, so why not “reap the benefits?” Either of these fine young men make a splendid backup on your fantasy team and could even be thrown in as flex in an emergency situation. Fleener, in particular, is going to have an insane year. If he’s an available pick up. I give you my personal guarantee he scores a td this week. If he doesn’t I’ll let each and every one of my readers throw a dodgeball at my crotch. Buy now, laugh later.
Well, I hope you enjoyed this post as much I enjoyed throttling one of the other writers for razzball in our writers league. It’s been a real treat. I’ll be back.