Welcome back, my Lovelies, to another e-rousing week of Hit it or Quit it, with Yours Truly, your Goddess of innuendo. I have to begin by telling you that I took an absolute pounding in my leagues this week. First off in my Contributor’s League, someone with a higher waiver priority than I (I know, the balls, right??!) and also happened to read my article, stole all my Hit Its. Which left me standing there holding my proverbial d**k. It’s ok. That is my Black Widow League, and any of you loyalists know, she does manage to have her way with everyone…everyone. Speaking of which, she feasted like the queen in Week 2. Lots of you lost your moneymakers to ankles, and knees, and concussions, oh my! I was not spared this indignity to an already sparse team in my RCL. Usually it takes about until Week 9 before I have to start picking up grounds crew and concession stand workers to fill holes in my team. Yeah, that’s right, even someone as beautiful and intelligent as I sometimes has a hard time filling her…holes. But I digress. Let’s get to the meat and bones of why you are here. You are here to read me spit out the juiciest pieces of the week, like the Oracle I am. And, since you paid ahead of time and the clock is ticking, why don’t I just get down and dirty with Week 3’s Hit it and Quit it. Enjoy, loves!
LeGarrett Blount, RB, Detroit – Ok, look, it is only Week 3 and this clown has already had a shoulder and knee injury, then managed to get his damn self ejected in Week 2. Those of you who own him came away with minus fantasy points in Week 1. Not zero. Minus points, you sacrificed to the fantasy Gods. Yeah, how did that feel? Not so good when it’s raw, is it? He did manage to nab himself 8 carries for a total of 38 yards before he got himself tossed, but he also, for good measure, obtained negative yardage on his one and only target. Blount has fantasy irrelevance all over him. This is the equivalent of dating Mama June. No, honey, please don’t make me have to come over there and beat some sense into you (yes, that too costs extra). He is 22% owned in most leagues. Let’s see how low we can get that number. You can do better, Buttercup. Quit it.
Tyler Boyd, WR, Cincinnati Bengals – Let’s face it, Wide Receivers this fantasy season are going down faster than a virgin on Prom Night. It also seems like many leagues went the receiver-heavy route rather than the usual. Ooooh, variety! Sorry, got distracted there. Anyway, Boyd finished the Bengals Week 2 win against Baltimore with a career high 91 yards. He also managed to round up 6-of-9 targets, which also happened to be a career high. Wait, Cincinnati on one side, Baltimore on the other, and me (Pittsburgh) right in the middle…Kinky. It is clear at this point that Boyd is using John Ross and A.J. Green to help him reign in his catches like they were lubed. Week 1’s performance was nothing to get all stiff about and many analysts wouldn’t even advise you to take him home at last call. Now, it is looking like he may have picked up a few tips watching some videos and he is beginning to show some WR3/WR4 promise. Desperate times call for desperate measures and you could certainly do a whole lot worse than Boyd. Go on and take a chance. Hit it
Ryan Fitzpatrick, QB, Tampa Bay – Forget that the beard is the sexiest f*****g thing I have seen in a long time and let’s talk about how Fitzpatrick is coming in like a jackhammer and banging Jameis Winston out of a job basically. No, really, read any article about it, they will all tell you. Or you can re-watch the Dirk Koetter presser when he refused to call Winston the starter when he is off of suspension. Need more convincing? Ok, but that costs extra. Fitzpatrick completed 27-of-33 passes for a total
402 yards, four touchdowns, and one pick. With the squad Fitzpatrick has working for him and the balls to the wall offense they were working, how can this not be a winner for you? So, to the person who has a higher waiver priority than me this week, let me have this one just so I can look at that beard and fantasize. Please, Lovey, let me Hit it.
Corey Clement, RB, Philadelphia – Wow, I am really mixing it up this week. It’s not a gang bang of running backs or receivers. No, this week we are going for variety. So, close your eyes and let’s journey to the city of “Filthadelphia.” Don’t get mad, you know you live there and call it that too. Anyway, if you are a Jay Ajayi owner and need someone to step up and meet your needs while he works out that back issue, Corey Clement is your man. At just 22% owned in most leagues Clement rushed six times for 30 yards, caught 5-of-6 targets for another 55 yards, and tossed in the touchdown for good measure in Week 2. It was a viable HBIC performance but we all know Ajayi is, was, and will be the 2018 HBIC. In the meantime, Clement showed some real moxie and showcased that he is capable of taking on bigger roles. My suggestion? Get your hands on him and stash him away in your 12-team leagues. You’ll thank me for that one later Hit it.
John Ross – If John Ross were to walk onto the field and be looking all over like he was lost, I would not bat an eye. He is so far down the depth chart that even the Sunken Place is higher. Week 2 brought us a very impotent 1-of-4 targets for eight yards. For someone drafted number 9 overall in last year’s NFL Draft, he only has two catches for a tiny, shriveled, 11 yards through two weeks of play. He is number 3 behind A.J. Green and the highlight of this article, Tyler Boyd. Ross really has no fantasy value at this point and he is not going to be able to give you what you want. I know, the pickings were slim in those late rounds of your drafts, they always are. But no one says you have to call after you get the phone number…I never do. Nope, not worth your time. You are educated and experienced Razzballers. This is beneath you (and not in a good or fun way). Go on, darlin’ and Quit it.
Well, that is it, my Lovelies. I hope you have enjoyed your time in the Dungeon this week. I will continue to make my weekly blood sacrifices with the hopes that my Black Widow Curse moves on to someone in my RCL this week (steal another waiver pick off me again and see what happens). Remember I am here to meet all of your fantasy needs, but its cash up front. So, from our family to yours, keep your pants dry, your dreams wet, and remember, hugs not drugs. Best of luck in Week 3 all, and I’ll Cee U Next Tuesday!
Follow Jennifer Warner on Twitter @Soxfan012.