Welcome back, my Lovelies, to another e-rousing week of Hit it or Quit it, with Yours Truly, your Goddess of innuendo. Last week I regaled you all with the Fifty Shades of Grey style beating I took, but I have to say, compared to this week, last week was a walk in the park. Albeit a physically abusive walk in the park, but a walk in the park nonetheless. Yeah, you heard that right. I have taken the pounding of a lifetime this week and went a solid 0-5 in all of my leagues. Hey, even the best of us have to be put in our place sometimes and it seems that Week 3 was that week for me. I am not used to being in the position of a submissive and I honestly don’t like it. For me, being able to put you men in your place and school you on how things are done is what really gets me off. So now I am left wanting and non-satiated. One of two things is going to happen now. I will either make the blood sacrifice to the Black Widow Curse and appease her for my own gratification, or it will backfire mercilessly. I am hoping for the former. Speaking of the Black Widow Curse, she continues to maintain her consistency, it seems, and spent Week 3 feasting on your rosters again. Players are dropping faster than panties at a Wayne Newton concert. Granted, they are your mom and grandma’s panties, but panties nevertheless. See how evil I am? I managed to get you to think about your mom’s panties in an article about fantasy football. Anyhoo, I suppose you all came here for more than to just admire my wit and my gorgeous face (seriously??). For now, it seems I am going to have to wait until Week 4 to reclaim my dominance but in the meantime, I can give you all what you want. Ladies and gentlemen, convicts and perverts, have your cash in hand because here comes Week 4’s edition of Hit it or Quit it.

Wendell Smallwood, RB, Philadelphia – Another year, another Smallwood innuendo. Despite the unfortunate name, he does seem to keep finding a way into my articles season after season. Now, look, I am not one to ever condone a (uh hmm) Smallwood, but desperate times call for desperate measures. If you are a Jay Ajayi and Darren Sproles owner, step away from the bottle of bleach you are about to down and just listen to me for one minute. Smallwood rushed 10 times for 56 yards and a touchdown while also managing to catch 3-of-5 targets in Week 3. Smallwood managed to outgain Corey Clement (which isn’t saying much with those pitiful 13 targets), but it was something. Listen, no one said that Fantasy Football was pretty, or sexy, or even non-embarrassing at times and this time is no exception. Do I think you can totally trust a Smallwood? No. He has had his share of fumbles when it was needed, but if you are a true Filthadelphia Homer and really want to make up for losing Ajayi and Sproles, you may have to settle for Smallwood. So, keep an eye out and if Ajayi and Sproles remain out, Smallwood is looking to be a Flex option in Week 4. I know, it’s not pretty and I am not happy about having to advocate for this, but again, desperate times…Hit it (just be ready to Quit it as quickly).

Calvin Ridley, WR, Atlanta – Just a few short weeks ago many analysts considered Ridley a watch in most formats, but after his performance in Week 3, I think he may be worth more than just a look right now. Ridley managed to pull in seven-of-eight targets for 146 yards and three, yes THREE, touchdowns in Week 3’s loss to the Saints. For good measure he also managed to tack on nine yards on his only carry as well. I have always said I like a man who can do more than one thing and a man who is good with his hands is even better. Do I expect this kind of enthusiasm from Ridley every week? No. No man is capable of maintaining that level of performance no matter what is at stake. But it is worth noting that Ridley is looking to be a 23-year-old with Matt Ryan’s eye and has seem 13 targets over the last two games. Should you consider him for a WR34/Flex player for Week 4? Yes. Oh, and as if you needed any more reason to get his number, the Falcons have the Bengals in Week 4. He does need to be added in all formats. Go on, Boo Boo, Hit it.

Baker Mayfield, QB, Cleveland – Yuck, I hate that I have to jump on the Mayfield train since running trains is really not my kind of thing in the first place. Add in that it’s Cleveland aka the place QB’s go to die (what happened to Bernie Kosar?) and it just has a whole lot of creepy yuck for me. However, sometimes one has to step out of their comfort zone and try a little something else, you know, for flavor. Even if that flavor is something sh** scented from Cleveland. So, when your only competition is Tyrod Taylor, the bar is set kind of low, but it seems to have worked out in Mayfield’s favor. Hue Jackson even admitted that “there’s still a lot of work to do” but believes Mayfield can handle it. We shall see. Cleveland has been death for many a QB with promise and there is nothing to say that Mayfield is any different. Nonetheless, QB’s went down faster that a couple at a Swinger’s Party this past weekend, so the pickin’s are slim. With Taylor out with a concussion, Mayfield has been named the new starter in Cleveland and Taylor managed to crap himself into a backup position when he is finally cleared. Look, I already told you that sometimes Fantasy Football isn’t pretty and sometimes you have to do things you are so ashamed of that you don’t want anyone to know. Picking up Mayfield would fall into that category, but if you need a QB, there are not a lot of options left. It’s last call, the lights came on, and the room is full of Mama June lookalikes. You need action. Suck it up, Buttercup and go on and Hit it. I promise not to judge.

Jimmy Garoppolo, QB, San Francisco – Another week, another ACL claimed by my Black Widow Curse. Oh, Jimmy, I am so heartbroken, but look at it this way, now you have all kinds of time to spend with your porn star chick, not to mention you will get some really sweet pain meds to help you through your recovery. It sucks, because even though he is not one of my Pats anymore, I was still rooting for the guy. Hell, he pulled us through some tough times (remember that bulls*** Brady suspension???) and we came out ok. Not to mention that he is really nice to look at. Oh, Jimmy, my heart aches for you. I am going to have to tell my reader’s to quit you this week, but much like a Brokeback Mountain-style relationship, I’ll never be able to quit you in my heart. Readers, I am sorry, no more Jimmy for you this season. You have to Quit it. (Jimmy, call me, I will be more than happy to nurse you back to health with my special set of “skills”.)

John Ross, WR, Cincinnati – No, you are not reading this wrong and yes, he was on my quit it list from last week, but you suckers just didn’t listen and you wonder why the women in your lives are laughing at you and questioning your decision-making ability. I have to say that in all of the years I have been titillating you with my Hit it or Quit it, I do not think I have ever double bagged a player two weeks in a row (Jay, correct me if I am wrong). This is that week. Listen, through three games Ross has a pathetic and limp 5 catches for 27 yards. I am proud of the 6% of you who dropped him in the last week, but that number is much too low. Even with A.J. Green’s status up in the air, you would be making a better decision to have anonymous anal sex while using a dirty needle to shoot heroin, on a train in Eastern Europe on your way to a Youth Hostel than you would be if you chose to continue to hold onto Ross. I am not exaggerating either. He is Fantasy herpes and a good number of you are going to need that dose of Valtrex because you still insist on holding on to him with the hopes that he will deliver. New flash: He won’t. There is nothing in this universe that can justify me telling you to keep a bench spot open for him. Nothing. Not a single, damn, thing. Come on, Lovelies, you are so much better than this (even with your herpes). Quit it, Babes!

 

Well, that is it, my Lovelies. I hope you have once again enjoyed your time in the Dungeon this week. I do plan on regaining my Dominant position over many of you this week, so prepare for a lashing. Again, remember, cash up front first please. My services are not cheap. So, from our family to yours, keep your pants dry, your dreams wet, and remember, hugs not drugs. Best of luck in Week 4 all, and I’ll Cee U Next Tuesday!

 

 

Follow Jennifer Warner on Twitter @Soxfan012.

  1. Jay says:
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    I’m in a 2QB Half PPR league and I have three issues to take care of

    First is I have to drop a player to make room for Fournette, my bench currently is Hogan, Barber, Trubisky, Cole, Kittle, and Ekeler. I’m basically between dropping Barber and Ekeler at this point, leaning towards Barber.

    My second issue is, once I drop either Barber or Ekeler, I feel the need to drop Trubisky for one of the Quarterbacks on the wire. My currently QB depth is Luck, Fitzmagic, and the aforementioned Trubisky. The current options (that I’m interested in) are Mayfield, Flacco, and Allen. I feel that’s a good order to rank them in, no? It’s also a FAAB league with a $200 budget, and I have $154 left, is $30 too high or low for those QBs?

    Finally, should I drop Cole for Boyd, Williams, or Godwin? I’m leaning yes for Boyd.

    • Jennifer

      Jennifer says:
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      @Jay: Barber would be the call since at least Ekeler has some weak PPR FLEX upside, but he has more value if Gordon misses more time later on because of that neck issue.

      So, Flacco has the Steelers this week and would be a nice streaming option, not to mention he has been connecting with Crabtree. I do expect Mayfield to have the yips but I have been wrong before.

      Boyd. I could kill myself for benching him this past week.

      Hope this helps! Good luck, Poopie!!

    • cmutimmah says:
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      @Jay: Half point PPR – Barber is the drop. I have a feeling Ronnie Jones deuce is going to come in eventually. They can’t sit a 2nd rounder all season, can they? And Barber is giving them absolutely nothing.

      Drop Hogan for Mayfield first, Flacco if you can’t get Mayfield. How the heck did you go into the season with those QBs and not have a backup plan outside of Trubitsky for Fitzmagic when he was expected to be benched by week 4? Were you planning on punting bye weeks?!?
      In a 2 QB league, it’s OK to keep 4. You’ll likely get an offer for one eventually.
      Hogan isn’t producing. He had 2 TDs in week two, but also just had 3 catches. Does Hogan scream “red zone threat” with his 6’1″ thin frame? He’s all they have at WR and he isn’t even getting a large target share. Gordon, Edelman are going to take a large chunk of the non-Gronk/James White target share. I think Hogan is a drop in all leagues (If Hogan played on ANY other team, would he have even been rostered? Think about that.)

      I’d drop Cole for any of the three WRs. All of them are similar situations – 2nd fiddle WR with a good passing offense. Boyd gets the edge, then Godwin, then Willaims. Godwin looks like the new Vincent Jackson in TB.

      FYI – Baker Mayfield is going to heave the ball often. If you can get him… I’d spend 20% of your budget to get a probable top 15 fantasy QB just on use alone.

      • Jay says:
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        @cmutimmah: I actually drafted Luck, Mariota, and Trubisky, I took Trubisky over Dalton, just because of the bye week issues. I’m still hoping Hogan flashes some of what he had going last year. Though I’m not too concerned over WR, we use 3 WR spots + a flex and my WRs are OBJ, Thielen, Hilton, Agholor, Hogan, and Cole.

      • Jennifer

        Jennifer says:
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        @cmutimmah: Wow, Jen, that was a very thorough answer!

    • TTRA1N says:
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      @Jay: Mike Williams and it’s not that close imo. Unless DJAX gets hurt. Boyd would be 3rd.

      U have #2 waive in my 2qb league. I’m going for Allen guessing Mayfield will be 1st. Only Rosen, Allen and Mayfield available.

  2. Mahomes > Rodgers says:
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    thanks Jennifer!
    I’m really close to quitting both Burkhead & Corey Davis.

    If there’s a sexy name out there on the wire over the next couple weeks, would you be quitting these guys?

    • CMUTIMMAH says:
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      @Mahomes > Rodgers: Ronald Jones

      Burkhead is going to give carrys to Michel, who runs like a smaller Blount. I think Burkhead is third is the pecking order for touches (behind White’s pass catching role) and is most injury prone.

      Hard to drop an established player for Ronald Jones, healthy scratch, but I think TB has to do something. They SHOULD be in the running for Leveon Bell, but I think they’d be wrong to do so without seeing Ronald Jones in game action.

    • Jennifer

      Jennifer says:
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      @Mahomes > Rodgers: With Burky coming back off of a concussion you always have to consider more time missed in the future for the same reason. It seems once you have one, you seem to get them easier the next time. That being said, if you REALLY want to drop one of those over the next couple weeks for a newer, sexier piece of ass, I would ditch Davis. He really doesn’t have a strong offense behind him and he will forever remain a high-risk WR3/FLEX option in my book.

    • Jennifer

      Jennifer says:
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      @Mahomes > Rodgers: You’re welcome but that wasn’t my advice. So if it blows up in your face, you can blame the person who thought they were me and jumped in to try to mansplain a question which was intended for me. Sorry love!

    • Troy: The Collector

      Thomefan251 says:
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      @Mahomes > Rodgers: I’m cutting ties with burkhead tonight actually… own Michel to and honestly just dont see burkhead being good or consistent enough to use… even on bye weeks.

    • Jennifer

      Jennifer says:
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      @Mahomes > Rodgers: Burkhead just got placed on IR.

  3. Oliver says:
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    Should I quit any of these guys in favor of hitting Tyler Boyd:
    Trey Burton, John Brown, Sammy Watkins, DeSean Jackson?

    • Oliver says:
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      @Oliver: I should add OJ Howard, though I think I prefer him to Burton.

      • CMUTIMMAH says:
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        @Oliver: Desean Jackson is the most inconsistent player in history. Tyler Boyd is a WR2 on his team, Jackson is WR3.

        Go with Boyd.

        Do you not have a set TE position in this league? I think Howard is the better player, but Burton might be in the better situation. Lots of mouths to feed in TB.

        • Oliver says:
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          @CMUTIMMAH: Thanks for your help. I made the suggested waiver wire request.

          To answer your question, we do have a TE slot. I have the two TEs, and I would like to drop one to make room for more valuable positions. I can be too impatient in this game. I will hold on to both of them and see what happens.

          Thanks again!

        • Jennifer

          Jennifer says:
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          @Mahomes > Rodgers: With Burky coming back off of a concussion you always have to consider more time missed in the future for the same reason. It seems once you have one, you seem to get them easier the next time. That being said, if you REALLY want to drop one of those over the next couple weeks for a newer, sexier piece of ass, I would ditch Davis. He really doesn’t have a strong offense behind him and he will forever remain a high-risk WR3/FLEX option in my [email protected]CMUTIMMAH: Hey, thanks to responding to every question that was asked of me. You really helped me spend that time doing other things. Although, please don’t ride my coattails because some of that advice was not sound. Just sayin’…

    • Jennifer

      Jennifer says:
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      @Oliver: D-Jax has been ahead of Godwin and although so far this season he has been inconsistent, I think he is solidified himself ahead of Godwin and has the higher floor moving forward. I don’t know what your TE situation looks like, but Burton has a really shitty Week 4 coming up since they have the Bucs. I would advocate for hitting Boyd simply because I took a beating this past week by benching him. If you have a decent TE situation or think you can get another, you could quit Burton for Boyd, but that’s your call, sweets.

  4. miles proudfoot says:
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    Back for my seemingly weekly game of is it worth dropping any of the WR’s for RB’s!

    WR to potentially drop, Cobb or Cole, plus an IR spot.
    RBs on wire: Chris Carson, Burkhead, Ivory, Duke Johnson, Ronald Jones II.

    Thinking of dropping Cobb and using the open spot to try and get Carson and Jones, then Burkhead if I lose out on the first two FAAB’s. How much out of $150 would you place on those two?

    Also maybe none and just try to trade…

    Thanks!

    • miles proudfoot says:
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      @miles proudfoot: I’m atleast placing a bid on Carson to fill the empty hole in my lineup from Engram’s injury. How much of $150 would you bid?

    • Jennifer

      Jennifer says:
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      @miles proudfoot: You’d be safe getting rid of either Cobb or Cole but I would see if there is some schmuck in your league you can trade for. Jones is a FLEX play this week. Honestly, I would not waste money on any of these guys. See if you can do a schmuck trade. Seriously.

  5. CMUTIMMAH says:
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    Carson provides more value than you’d get in a trade for Cobb or Cole. I’d trade Cole

  6. qqplox says:
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    I have andrew luck at QB currently. I’m thinking of trading tevon coleman for patrick mahones. Is that a good trade? My other RBs are drake, bernard, fournette, and ekeler. Thanks!

    • The Harrow says:
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      @qqplox: that leaves some crappy RB depth, but still might be worth doing, esp if 6 PT TD throws, then it’s not close. plus freeman back at some point. hopefully fournette back before mixon for your sake.

    • Jennifer

      Jennifer says:
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      @qqplox: Coleman has Cincinnatti this week and I think he may have the chance to redeem himself. Luck is looking at a QB2 rating this week against the Texans but Mahomes is a top choice this week. If you are looking to trade Coleman for Mahomes, this week would be the time to do it. Mahomes is a lock and Coleman is on “due” status, but there is no guarantee that he will deliver. Hit it, Poopie!

  7. Nick says:
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    Would you consider dropping Baldwin, Crabtree or K Cole for Shepard or Boyd?

    or pivot and pickup an RB just in case Fournette is not back this week as I’d then have to plug in P Barber (Thompson is on bye for me)..options for RB on waivers include Ekeler, Powell, Morris or Mack…

    I have too much WR depth, so I think dropping one of those wideouts for an RB is the safer move, but which WR is the weakest on that list? I was thinking Crabtree since this is a 10team league and he has the lowest upside (safe play), but what do ya ‘ll think

    • Jennifer

      Jennifer says:
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      @Nick: I do anticipate Fournette being back this week, at least I hope he is because I am really feeling his loss in a lot of my leagues. If he does come back I do anticipate that they will not work him fully, so there is that to consider.

      Baldwin is still out with that knee issue
      Crabtree has the Steelers this week, so I would not get rid of him since he should have a decent game
      Cole is nothing more than a WR3/FLEX option this week against the Jets.

      I think you are safest to quit Cole in favor of Boyd. He has potential for WR2 standing if Green is not 100% and given his performance last week, I expect a lot from him. Although, keep in mind I am starting him this week, so that means he will more than likely shit the bed, so you have that to contend with.

  8. TT says:
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    Need help with claims.

    Pick 2 WR from the following:
    Agholor, A Cooper, W Fuller, Boyd, Ridley, Galloday

    Pick one TE from the following:
    Ebron, Doyle, OJ Howard, V McDonald, Njoku

    Many thanks!

    • Jennifer

      Jennifer says:
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      @TT: Ahh, babydoll, this one is easy!

      HIt – Fuller (will stay hot) and Ridley (WR3/FLEX; pick up in all formats)

      HIt – Howard is the TE to own right now and McDonald as some TE2 value, but Njoku has a favorable matchup this week. Howard for sure. Flip a coin to see who to hit out of those other 2.

      Good luck, Love!

  9. Bluety says:
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    would you trade L. Miller and J. Gordan for Odell and Mack? Right now i have RB (Barkley, Conner, Carson, Miller, and Murry) You only start 2 RBs. My Wrs are (AJ Green, J. Gordan, A. Callaway, A. Jeffery, and J. Edelman) and you can start 3?

    • Jennifer

      Jennifer says:
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      @Bluety: Ok, here are my thoughts:

      Miller hasn’t really done much so far this season but he is certainly a workhorse. The Patriots have more incentive in the draft if they slow play Gordon, so I would not expect to see him much. I think you can safely trade him away.

      Mack is not worth a trade. I dropped him on the wire in favor of Ekeler a couple weeks back. He doesn’t really have any good fantasy value and he is questionable right now. Not worth a bench spot in my opinion.

      OBJ is always a good hit.

      If you can keep Miller and get OBJ I think you are winning out. Trade away Gordon and stay away from Mack. See if the person you are trading with can offer you someone else for Mack before you get rid of Gordon. Hope this helps!!!

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