Welcome back, my lovelies! As anticipated, this week has not fared any better for our gladiators of the gridiron. My black widow curse appears to have caused more injuries, and thereby claimed some more man souls for my glass trophy case. Don’t blame me; I stash them away for later. A girl has to eat, right? I can honestly say that this has been one of the most injury-heavy starts to an NFL season that I have ever bared witness to. How bad you ask? Well, it’s so bad, that players who have retired are now coming OUT of retirement and resigning with their previous teams. Really, James Harrison? Really?? Forget last call. We are now so desperate for starters that we have turned to the fantasy football version of online dating and are taking whatever is thrown at us in a desperate attempt to eke out some action. But, much like some of the creeps, weirdos, and freak show-quality genetic anomalies you find on online dating sites, we have learned that desperation leads to shame and regret. And shame and regret are two things that many of us are feeling right about now. So, with that, I give you this week’s Hit it or Quit it, with the hopes that you won’t need to drink away your shame with bootleg moonshine you made in your pappy’s bathtub.

Jordan Matthews – Look, we aren’t looking for perfection here. So-called “perfection” is sitting at home with a torn MCL, sprained ankle, hammy trouble, turf toe, or their monthly visitors (those cramps can be murder). We are looking for something to tide us over. Matthews caught eight passes for 59 yards with two touchdowns in Sunday’s win over the Washington Football Team. His two touchdowns came in the Red Zone where he completely beat Perry Riley up the middle. Yeah, Matthews isn’t playing in two-wide sets yet and expect some inconsistencies from Philly’s pass defense, but hey, we aren’t talking about marrying the guy, right? You have a hole to fill and Matthews is the guy to do it. So, suck up your pride, realize your standards are too high and Hit it.

Marvin Jones – He has been out with a sore foot, but has been practicing and is projected to return to the field following the Bengal’s week 4 bye. Mohamed Sanu may soon find himself out of bae positioning as Jones does seem to have the ability to overtake him and play opposite A.J. Green. If you can, snag him up now, especially if you already own Green in any leagues. At this point, we are looking for backups for our backups and Jones is a decent stash in 12-16 team leagues. At 15% owned, you really have nothing to lose by giving him a chance. So, like that good girl you heard about who might put out, give Jones and go and Hit it.

Jarvis Landry – Landry caught 3 of 7 targets for 24 yards and returned a 74-yard kickoff in the Dolphin’s loss to Kansas City this week. Sure, he dropped a pass, but he wasn’t the only one as it seems that many a player in the NFL has been stricken with a severe case of Stonehands (right, Victor Cruz?). Landry is running ahead of Rishard Matthews and Brandon Gibson, so that is also something to take into consideration. Sometimes we have to make decisions which aren’t pretty and you have to settle for a Paris Hilton over a Candice Swanepoel. So, look at Landry more like a “friends with benefits” scenario and Hit it.

Lorenzo Taliaferro – Did Bernard Pierce go down on you? Do you own or wish you had taken a chance with Justin Forsett when I told you to in week 2? Well no worries, because now you can redeem yourself for not listening to me and go snag Taliaferro before my Black Widow curse claims his soul as well. Tali rushed 18 times for 91 yards and a TD in the Raven’s week 3 win over the Browns. Sure, he wasn’t targeted in the passing game but showed that he is a better runner than Forsett, taking 18 carries to Forsett’s 11. It is unclear at this point when Pierce will come back from that thigh injury and with Kubiak’s backfield being what it is, expect Tali to see more work in Week 4 when they take on Carolina. Do yourself a favor and listen to me this time. It’s a sure thing. Hit it.

Garrett Graham – Is your tight end hurting? Graham may be the solution. He caught five passes for 41 yards in week 3 and was targeted 6 times in the game. Sure, he may be the number 4 option in the passing game, but this gives him some buy-low value as a TE2 since Houston seems to be a pretty run-heavy offense. You are on the prowl for a TE and Garrett wants to be your man. So, if you’re looking for a tight end hole to fill, grab a handful of Graham and Hit it.

Ryan Tannehill – Okay, look, it kills me that I have to put my fellow Aggie on this list, but let’s face it, Ryan, it’s just not working out. It’s not me, it’s you. Sacked four times, averaging 4.8 yards per attempt, and holding onto the ball way too long like you’re in love with it? Yeah, all the presser talk about Tanny being benched this coming week seems to make a ton of sense. He appears to be regressing rather than progressing. I own him in a few leagues but have not had the balls (figuratively of course) to start him at all this season. And it is a good thing I haven’t. He is currently at risk for an in-game benching and with a 5.03 YPA through 124 attempts, it is just disgraceful. Do yourself a favor and do what I am doing, breaking this off before we waste anymore time. We deserve better. Ryan, I’m afraid we have to Quit it.

Devonta Freeman – Obviously, when they were referring to Atlanta as “Hotlanta,” they weren’t talking about Freeman. He rushed 11 times for 12 yards…yeah, you read that right, 12 measly yards. Sure the game against the Bucs was a blowout, but all Freeman managed to do was just blow. With a soft fumble that he allowed to be tomahawked out from behind, he just did not seem to put in any effort. Ladies like a man who tries and ladies, Freeman is just not it. If you are thinking about stashing him in any of your 12-team leagues, think again. He isn’t worth your time and seems like he’d just lay there and make you do all the work. Do yourself a favor and Quit it while you can.

Danny Amendola – Many of you know that I am a huge Patriots fan, so you know that this hurts me more than it hurts most of you. Much like Torrey Smith, Amendola is one game away from showing up on a milk carton. He has not been involved in the offense for the Pats at all this season and is moving closer and closer to being a weekly inactive. The one target he has had this season, he managed to drop in the endzone from 2 yards out. The Pats are using three-receiver sets with Julian Edelman, Kenbrell Thompkins, and Brandon LaFell, which leaves little to no room for Danny boy. This is a relationship which should have ended a while ago, but no one had the nerve to tell Amendola. If you own him, I am sorry, but it is time to move on and Quit it.

Larry Fitzgerald – Look, I am in the same boat as you all with this one. I own Fitzy in multiple leagues and have started him week after week with little to no results. He is not being utilized as the receiver he once was and the Cardinals coaching staff have said as much. I am a loyal Pitt fan and have watched Fitzy come up since his Wanny days, but let’s face it, he will never been seen or utilized as he was. He caught 3 of 7 targets for 34 yards this week, but went catchless for the first three quarters of the game. He also barfed up a fumble this week and seems to be losing out on work to Michael Floyd and John Brown. Sure, Stanton seemed to rekindle his love for Fitzy last week, but it seems like it was more of a booty call than a rekindling of an old flame. As much as it hurts me to say this, it is time for Fitzy and I to Quit it.

 

So, there you have it my lovelies. It is not pretty, but I can almost guarantee that your rosters are not all that attractive right now either. With players going down faster than Kim Kardashian at an NAACP convention, we are all doing what we need to do to get through the next week. As always, love me, hate me, whatever, I am still the one with the writer’s credit. Until next week, follow me on Twitter for all of my Fantasy Football musings, commentary, and general awesomeness.

  1. Clint says:
    (link)

    I just heard the Ravens are going TE by committee from here on which seems insane to me. Graham was good in Houston under Kubiak’s offense so why wouldn’t he take over the role in Baltimore now? He knows the offense, all he’d have to do is generate a relationship w/Flacco, right?

    • Jennifer

      Jennifer Warner says:
      (link)

      @Clint: Who knows. When it comes to Harbaugh’s seemingly persistent mental illness, one can not expect common sense to make an appearance. I agree with you, it makes sense but remember who is captaining that ship.

  2. Nikko says:
    (link)

    How do you feel about this trade: My D. Brown and M. Wheaton for his J. Edelman and F. Gore?

    • Jennifer

      Jennifer Warner says:
      (link)

      @Nikko: What does the rest of your roster look like?

      • Papajeansegura says:
        (link)

        @Jennifer Warner: do it obviously….waiver shlubs for bonafide studs? easy call

  3. Moronymous Lohse says:
    (link)

    As a Zach Ertz owner going with My Ball Zach Ertz (a team name I stole) I just now changed my team name thanks to your headline.

    I’m now the Jennifer Pluses.

    In super-sneaky, smarter-than-the-world, fantasy-football-pickups-that-no-one-ever-saw-coming-and-make-you-look-like-a-stinking-genius-because-he-didn’t-need-to-be-picked-up-yet-but-you-did-it-anyway….

    LaMichael James.

    Yup, if you’ve got the bench room and are solely interested in looking like the mack fantasy pimp or pimptress that you are – the 0.7% ESPN owned LaMichael James. He just asked out of San Fran and is likely to end up claimed by someone needing a talented back – Baltimore, Minnesota, San Diego. 2nd round pick in 2012. Stud at Oregon. Quicks. And simply did not fit in at San Fran. He cleared waivers and could go…anywhere.

    • Jennifer

      Jennifer Warner says:
      (link)

      @Moronymous Lohse: I’m flattered! I will keep an eye on James.

  4. Shane says:
    (link)

    Hey Jennifer,

    Tricky TE situation this year. For a standard like, which 2 of these 3 guys do you like best going forward? Owen Daniels, Dwayne Allen or Jason Witten?

    • Shane says:
      (link)

      @Shane:

      Sorry, standard “league”

    • Jennifer

      Jennifer Warner says:
      (link)

      @Shane: Ouch, not much to choose from! I’d for sure go Owen Daniels with Pitta being dead and all. I’d have to say I’d probably go with Allen simply because Witten has yet to score a TD.

  5. Greg says:
    (link)

    Jennifer, I’m in your RCL and do the waiver drops today seem fishy? I know they aren’t doing so hot but Pierre Thomas and Torrey Smith were just dropped.

    • Jennifer

      Jennifer Warner says:
      (link)

      @Greg: Yeah, I saw that too. They must’ve listen to last week’s Hit it or Quit It when I said quit Smith. I’m watching those waiver wires and seeing some surprising stuff on there. All these injuries have knees jerking all over the place. Look for Tannehill to be next.

  6. Tom says:
    (link)

    More upside? Shorts or Robinson.

    Thanks Jen

    • Jennifer

      Jennifer Warner says:
      (link)

      @Tom: Robinson. The Jags have too many options at WR for Shorts to be a lock.

  7. Bucky says:
    (link)

    Hey all, who would be a better stash?
    1) Bishop Sankey or Lorenzo Taliaferro;
    2) Garret Graham or Dwayne Allen
    Thanks a bunch!

    • Jennifer

      Jennifer Warner says:
      (link)

      @Bucky: You can’t go wrong with Sankey or Taliaferro. I’m leaning towards Tali though. Graham over Allen though.

  8. Todd says:
    (link)

    Howdy jennifer!

    What to do this week at the waiver wire ,

    For RB’s here are who im thinking of adding;
    Lorenzo taliaferro , Braden Oliver, or bishop sankey.

    Here are available WR’s; jordan Matthews, eddie royal, Allen robinson, john brown , kenny stills or any of the pats WR’s ; Lafell/ Dobson/ Thompkins.

    My RB’s; Gio bermard (bye), terrance west (bye), jeremy hill (bye), Ben Tate (bye), Darren McFadden, ahmad bradshaw, gerhart, forsett.

    My WR’s are demaryius thomas (bye), Crabtree, cordarrelle patterson, Kelvin benjamin, wheaton, malcom floyd.

    Who would you drop for the adds?
    I’m 4th in the waiver order in a 10 teamer & who would be your 1st priority to target?

    I’m trying to aquire Pierre Thomas or Khiry robinson for my malcom floyd but those owners aren’t bitting

    • Todd says:
      (link)

      @Todd:

      Would you trade my malcom floyd & either forsett or DMC to aquire torrey smith & Pierre Thomas? Or hold? Thanks

      • Steve Stevenson says:
        (link)

        @Todd: I’d make that deal. For pickups, I wouldn’t use waiver priority on any of those guys but would be interested in Sankey-Lorenzo at RB and Matthews-Robinson-Brown at WR. Floyd and Forsett probably the easiest drops if the deal falls through.

        • Todd says:
          (link)

          @Steve Stevenson:

          Thanks steve, lol yeah deals never happened & prob won’t the Pierre Thomas owner wanted demaryius Thomas , I would try to trade jordan Matthews for for Pierre but he over valued Pierre Thomas in my eyes. Since I don’t have malcom floyd its j Matthews would you try to ship j Matthews & forsett to get Pierre Thomas & torrey smith? Or aim for Travis kelce who I can put at flex instead of torrey smith?

          Or just drop forsett or gerhart to add sankey?

  9. Jay says:
    (link)

    Should I drop knowshon for Tali? 12 man Standard.

    Thanks.

  10. TobiasFunkeAnalRapist says:
    (link)

    Do I trade my Rashad Jennings for Ertz and Fred Jackson? I don’t right? It’s only a 10 team h2h league, thanks.

  11. Dan says:
    (link)

    All I want to say is, I’m glad I didn’t have to drop one Mr. Salsa dancing Victor Cruz haha. Though he may not do so hot on a short week, it felt good to see him have a good game! I agree on Matthews, but I gave a long look at Justin Hunter, who hasn’t done shit..but has seen plenty of targets. Might flip flop and go with him, too talented to let some peasant like Nate Washington continue to be in front of him on the depth chart.

  12. Adam says:
    (link)

    Which TE do you like better in tomorrow’s TNF matchup? +1 PPR league

    Niles Paul vs NYG or Larry Donnell @ WAS? Kinda thinking Paul, but I could use another opinion.

Comments are closed.