Welcome back my lovelies!  It seems the Fantasy Gods continue to smile on yours truly, as I pulled out a 5-1 record this week again.  Yes, winning feels good, especially when you basically have a team held together with duct tape and the leaflets from the floor of a porno theater.  But alas, for many of you, my “Black Widow” curse feasted upon quite a bit of your RB1s, WR1s, and everything in between this week.  Hey, I warned you, my lust for man souls has become insatiable.  Sure, I also lost Hillman, Thomas, and Sanders in the process, but it seems this has allowed some rookie fresh meat to step into those shoes.  Mmmm, there’s nothing like a fresh, young rookie-meat to get my blood flowing, even if it costs me and I have to scramble to fill that slot.  So, as the title to this week’s article suggests, and as you may already know, I am a glutton for punishment.  And yes, some punishments can be oh so enjoyable.  So, gather up those hooptie lineups, grab some lotion and a box of tissues (ladies, stock up on batteries for your B.O.B.) and follow me down the path of depravity to this week’s Hit it or Quit it.

 

Josh Gordon – He’s baaaaaaaack!  Yes ladies and gentlemen, pervs and degenerates, Josh Gordon is officially off suspension and due back on the field in Week 12.  If you are like me, many of you snatched him up in your fantasy drafts, only to stash him away like a dirty little secret while you got off on others who weren’t what you were looking for.  What surprises me is Gordon is owned in only about 77% of leagues, so that means some of you have not jumped on the Gordon train yet.  Although his suspension for dancing with Mary Jane did not allow him to be in contact with any member of the coaching staff, he was allowed to work out at facilities.  And this honey was working out.  Posting a 87-1646-9 line in 14 games in 2013, Gordon will be an immediate WR1 in all leagues, barring any more hits from the bong (kisses to you if you got the Cypress Hill reference) in the coming week.  If you don’t own him, you can try, but you gotta work this baby like a high class call girl.  What are you waiting for?  Hit it.

Jonas Gray – Unless you’ve been under a rock for Week 11, or on some deserted island with your mistress or pool boy, you know the name Jonas Gray.  Blowing up on 38 carries for 199 yards and 4, yes, 4 TDs in Week 11, this workhorse stunned many a fantasy owner who laughed when they saw they were going against him this week.  Gray got a majority of the snaps, goal-line, and early-down work and pretty much made Vereen feel like the ugly girl at the prom.  All four of Gray’s TDs came from inside the five-yard line and he should continue to see a bulk of the carries moving forward.  Mr. Gray is also available in about 80% of leagues.  Don’t forget though, Mr. Gray likes it rough and there is no safe word moving into Week 12 when the Pats take on the Lions.  Aside from that, he is a must own in all leagues.  So, if you are brunette, a little thicker, and like it rough, throw on some thigh highs, pull out the cat-o-nine tails, bend ‘em over, and Hit it.

Kenny Britt – Let me ask you…did your WR go down?  No?  Well, I am so sorry to hear that and I need to do something about it because if not, (1) you aren’t getting the attention you deserve (from my Black Widow Curse that is) and (2) you don’t have the room on your roster for a nice hunk of man meat named  Kenny Britt.  Britt caught four passes for 128 yards and a TD in the Rams’ Week 11 sodomizing of the Broncos.  Britt saw seven targets and completely took control for the entire first half and we ladies LOVE a man who will take charge.  Sure, there are some bugs in this system as Shaun Hill seems to have some aim issues in which Britt had to settle for a 33-yard gain which could’ve been a 73-yard TD if Hill would’ve hit Britt in stride, but right now, Britt is the Rams number 1 receiver.  Ok, he may not provide you with huge sportsgasms down the stretch, but he is good for at least 6-8 targets a week.  At just 15% owned in most leagues, he is a decent WR3/4 pick-up.  So do what you have to do, points are points, and in a pinch, anyone will usually do.  Suck it up and Hit it.

Josh McCown – We all know that one guy or girl who isn’t necessarily good looking on their own, but put them next to someone better looking, and all of a sudden they don’t look too bad.  I call that the “hot by association” phenomena.  Well, this is the case with McCown.  McCown completed 15-of-23 passes for 288 yards and two TDs in the Bucs’ Week 11 win over the Redskins…err, Native Americans…err (insert politically correct team name here.)  What makes McCown look so hot right now?  Well it may have something to do with the 6’5” frame of hotness known as Mike Evans.  If there’s anything we Aggies know, its hot and sexy.  McCown connected with Evans for two 30+ yard TDs with Evans accounting for 70+% of the total yardage.  McCown was only sacked twice and had zero turnovers, something that both of those Manning brothers can’t say.  As long as McCown has Evans as his go-to bae, he will be a streaming option against the Bears’ sh** fest secondary in Week 12.  If you are already an Evans owner, or just think you can’t do worse than Cutler or a Manning, double-team this one and Hit it.

Chris Hogan – I get asked a lot of questions about PPR leagues in all of your wonderful comments on my weekly Hit it or Quit Its, so I thought I would throw out a handy, tip that is,  for my PPR-lovelies on this one.  Catching 7-of-9 targets for 74 yards in the Bills’ Week 11 win over Miami, it seems Chris Hogan has suddenly emerged on the PPR radar.  With Kyle Orton at the helm, it can be seen as a little dicey, but Hogan has broken out as the Bills lead receiver and posted career highs in both yards and catches in Week 11.  He has also now cleared five targets in four of his past five games.  He is not worth a consideration in standard leagues (hey, I told you this was for my PPR babes) but at 1% owned, he may be worth a look in your PPR.  So, remember to use a C on your D when you put the P in the V (or the A), register with the EBDB, go for it in PPR, and Hit it.

C.J. Anderson – Thanks to Montee aggravating his Ball(s), Sanders scrambling his brains, Hillman having foot issues that Tinactin can’t fix, and Thomas pulling an RGIII and going all grandma ankle, Anderson has been promoted to Manning’s number 2 option in the passing game and lead back.  Rushing nine times for 29 yards and roping in eight catches for 86 yards, Anderson is looking like a lock as an RB1/2 in Week 12 against Miami.  Picked up in the past day in about 60% of most leagues, it seems that the Anderson love is spreading faster than the Gonorrhea Tehol Beddict got from that Thai “masseuse” in 1999.  If you can snag him up, I suggest you hurry up and finish into that sock, get online and take care of other business.  Hit it.

Darren McFadden – Let’s be honest here, I could pretty much list the entire Raiders’ backfield on here and you wouldn’t bat an eye or question me.  Hell, you wouldn’t question me anyway because if by now you have not realized that I was right about my ability to throw down some Fantasy Football knowledge and these spectacular breasts not being a hindrance, then maybe you should reconsider your involvement in fantasy sports.  But for now, I will settle for the public stoning of Darren McFadden.  Pretty much at this point, the Raiders’ backfield is a clusterf*ck of some kind of free-for-all timeshare between McFadden, Jones-Drew, and Murray.  McFadden managed 21 yards in eight carries and no receptions in three targets in the Raiders’ Week 11 loss to the Chargers.  The Raiders continue to underutilize McFadden and are only throwing him checkdowns.  At this point, Murray is essentially the upside of this sh*tfest as an RB4/5 stash, but McFadden is not worth owning in 10-12 team leagues as we stretch out our parts for playoff time.  Much like a worn out vibrator, McFadden is also useless.  Quit it.

DeAngelo Williams – Ok, yeah, it’s Carolina, no brainer, right?  Well, some of you are still holding out hope for better things on this one, and I hate to be the one to break the news to you, there is not enough Viagra in the world to make this one work again.  Sorry.  Williams rushed for 41 yards on 10 carries in Week 11, but in true impotent Williams fashion, he wasn’t able to make any long runs and was shot down all afternoon.  He is not scoring any TDs and is not seeing any volume, so why do the 21% of you who own him keep doing this to yourself?  Look, I understand things may be bad for some of you, hell, desperate even, but I am here to tell you that you deserve better than this.  You deserve someone who will perform for you and give you those Earth shattering sportsgasms you so willingly deserve.  Free up your slot for someone who will fill it wholly and completely.  Williams is not it.  Quit it.

Heath Miller – I am sure every Yinzer and their mother is going to crucify me on this one, and yes, I am sure that I will receive more than one request to move out of the city of Pittsburgh, but all Yinzering aside, seriously, Heath Miller is one game away from a milk carton appearance.  Look, I own him in a couple of leagues (mostly because I waited too long to draft a TE), but he spends more time warming my bench than he actually does getting a start.  Ok, yes, Yinzers, he had a big week in Week 8, posting 20.70 fantasy points, but just about every other week he hasn’t posted more than 4-6 points.  One good week does not a bae make.  You all know how I love me some tight ends too, but this one is more than lacking.  Sure, no one is up to Jordan Cameron (swoon) standards in my eyes, but hell, who is?  I mean, come on, the man is beautiful!  Anyhoo, I digress…Miller caught just three measly passes for 29 yards in the Steelers’ Week 11 loss to the Jets…yes, I said it, the Jets.  Held without a catch in the first half, it seems that this is becoming a pattern for old Heath, and with less than 30 yards in four of his last five games, Miller has little to no value.  That’s also why I have some waiver claims in right now to pawn him off for bigger and better things.  Sorry, Heath, we are over it.  It’s time to Quit it.

Lorenzo Taliaferro – Well, it seems that the honeymoon is over and Tali is no longer interested or able to woo us with his wiles anymore.  After losing a fumble in Week 10, Tali was demoted behind Bernard Pierce and didn’t play a single snap until well into the fourth quarter after Pierce was taken by my Black Widow Curse.  Tali has low-end flex value when he plays ahead of Pierce, but is impotently useless when Pierce plays ahead of him.  Rushing for 10 yards on three carries in Week 11, Tali also basically needs Forsett to fall prey to my Curse in order to have any kind of startability at this point.  I’m sorry, Tali, that just is not good enough and my sexy and loyal readers deserve someone who can stand on their own and don’t have a lot of “woulda, coulda, shoulda.”  It’s over.  We like a man who can stand on his own. We are all about to Quit it.

Terrance Williams –  Not one single catch, I sh*t you not, on two targets in Week 10 against Jacksonville…I could just stop there, but I have more for you all to justify this Quit it.  He scored six TDs through the first seven games of the season, but has not seen the endzone in the past three weeks.  The Cowboys are coming off a bye in Week 12, so there may be some potential there, but for the most part, he is just taking up space that can be filled with someone more endowed.  He has posted single-digit fantasy numbers for the past five weeks and has not seen double-digits since Week 5.  Is this really what you are looking for in a WR?  Sure, I know my curse has pretty much wiped out any stallion left on the trade blocks or waiver wires, but trust me, there are better things out there.  You deserve someone who will perform for you down the playoff stretch.  It’s time to Quit it.

 

Well, there you have it, my lovelies!  Week 12’s Hit it or Quit it is officially in the bag.  As always, love me, hate me, whatever, I am still the one with the writer’s credit.  Be sure to follow me on Twitter for all of my sports musings, fantasy throw downs, and general awesomeness.  Until next week…

  1. CL says:
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    I’m hitting the sheet outta Gordon this week after I’ve had him stashed for months like snickers bars in the basement!

    WHich 2 are on your roster, 1pt PPR, return yards count too:

    McKinnon, Sproles, Herron, Latarvias Murray

    • Jennifer

      Jennifer Warner says:
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      @CL: I could not wait to get Gordon in my lineups and the first thing I did this morning before I even got out of bed was set him as a starter for Week 12. I love the Snickers in the basement analogy too!

      I have McKinnon in a couple of leagues and I would probably Hit Herron out of the rest of them simply because with Bradshaw out and Richardson more than likely shitting the bed, it opens doors for Herron. He is not going to be a huge producer but I would guess anywhere from 8-10 touches per game. May be worth an add in deeper leagues.

      • CL says:
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        @Jennifer Warner: Mmmm hmm. I have McKinnon & Sproles and I think Herron is the speculative add for my bench… I’ve locked up a playoff spot in this league and am highest scoring team to boot.

        Here’s my hesitation on dropping Sproles for Herron; Have you seen Shady McCoy play?! Something ain’t right. But with Snachez at the helm, do I just need to get anyway from my Iggles entirely now and just stash Herron thinking Trent sucks?

        Thanks, and Good Luck with Gordon!

        • Jennifer

          Jennifer Warner says:
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          @CL: If you have the meat in the rest of your lineup, I say why not take a chance?

          Thank you, Sir and good luck in your playoffs!

          • CL says:
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            @Jennifer Warner: Fair enough. I got the meat. You pushed me off the fence. Dropped Sproles for Herron. Him & McKinnon sit together on my bench now.

            PS: MY other backs are D.Murray, L.Miller, and D.Robinson (who has nice WR-RB eligibility).

  2. Stanman says:
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    In a 1 for 1 trade would you trade Trent Richardson for denard Robinson?

    • Jennifer

      Jennifer Warner says:
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      @Stanman: Yep. Richardson doesn’t have much upside and he really is only a volume-based RB.

  3. FunkeTown says:
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    looking for some feedback on a keeper league trade offer – offered Mike Evans (keeper in 8th round) for my Jimmy Graham (not keepable). TE’s on the waiver i could possibly fill in … Donnell, Rudolph, Fleener, Tamme, Ertz – Thoughts?

    • Jennifer

      Jennifer Warner says:
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      @FunkeTown: I have Ertz in a couple of leagues and he hasn’t done much for me. Evans would be a nice pick up since he is the go-to TE on TB. I also own Graham and, as expected, he has not performed up to what he had done last season. Rudoplh would be a nice add. Check out my Hit it or Quit it from Week 11, I talked about Rudolph.

  4. Tehol Beddict says:
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    it was worth it

    • Jennifer

      Jennifer Warner says:
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      @Tehol Beddict: Isn’t it always?!

  5. Dom B says:
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    What D would you start in week 12 SD @ STL or BAL @NO or Colts @ Jax or Eagles @ TEN

    • Bye Felicia says:
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      @Dom B: I’d start the D that you’re mom likes the best.

      PS why do you ask.the same questions, every week, to every razzball writer? Can’t you make your own decisions…

    • Jennifer

      Jennifer Warner says:
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      @Dom B: Deja vu…

    • Crapshoot Kershaw says:
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      @Dom B: IND, and for those with belittlement issues please don’t breed, the rest of us have have to live with those offspring in public and such, and i’m guessing being raised with those type of parents make for an angry person. Would be the best decision for humanity.

      • Jennifer

        Jennifer Warner says:
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        @Crapshoot Kershaw: Let’s all be respectful here and keep it fun, friendly, and civl, otherwise, you’ll make Baby Jesus cry.

  6. Dom B says:
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    Also who to pick up in order
    Charles Sims, Isiah Crowell, Jonas Gray (don’t trust belleicheck), marques colston

    • Jennifer

      Jennifer Warner says:
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      @Dom B: Sims, Gray, Crowell, Colston.

  7. Vin Scully says:
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    Which of these players would you start as a FLEX in a PPR league?

    Chris Hogan
    Kenney Stills
    Torrey Smith
    Jeremy Hill (If Benard doesn’t play)

    • Jennifer

      Jennifer Warner says:
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      @Vin Scully: Hogan, Hill, or Stills.

  8. It's me says:
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    I’m honestly so sick of hearing of josh Gordon, so sick of the summer drafters who thought they were cute by taking him in the 8th round, so sick of those that blew a whole FAAB on him, so sick of the loser in my keeper league that set his week 12 lineup before week 11 was done so he could see his new toys name in his lineup…that I hope Gordon pulls a hammy in the 1st qtr and is week-to-week until week 17. Then I hope he has a 200 yard day :)

    • Jennifer

      Jennifer Warner says:
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      @It’s me: Come on! New toys are fun! Why do you think old men like to ride around in midlife crisis mobiles with 20-year-old blondes at their side? I’ll settle for 200 yards myself! ;)

  9. buclover says:
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    Jennifer,
    I’m currently in first place (8-2) in a very competitive 12 team .5 ppr espn league with otherwise standard scoring. My workhorse this year has been Murray. I’d love to have Randle (made the decision at the beginning of the year to handcuff Dunbar) and the owner, after rejecting several of my offers earlier in the year is now offering him up for Edleman. I’m inclined to accept the trade. What do you think? Keep Edelman and counter with Wright or is it close enough and just take the trade or does this trade stink for me? Here’s my team.
    starting roster positions: QB RB RB WR WR RB/WR WR/TE TE K D
    Cutler/Tannehill
    Murray/Ivory/Sankey/Tate/Hillman
    Dem Thomas/Hopkins/Torrey Smith/K.Wright/Edelman
    Kelce
    Vikings/Ravens
    Parkey

    • Jennifer

      Jennifer Warner says:
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      @buclover: I’d keep Edelman and counter with Wright. Randle has only put up double digit fantasy numbers 5 weeks of the season and hasn’t done much the past few weeks. Not worth losing Edelman for. See if he bites with Wright.

  10. Dom B says:
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    What D

    • Jennifer

      Jennifer Warner says:
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      @Dom B: My deja vu has deja vu…

    • Crapshoot Kershaw says:
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      @Dom B: IND.

      • Crapshoot Kershaw says:
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        @Crapshoot Kershaw: and be sure to quit ahmad bradshaw, as he’s hurt.

  11. Dom B says:
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    What K for this week and ROS Steven Hauska or Justin Tucker

    • Jennifer

      Jennifer Warner says:
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      @Dom B: Hauschka

  12. Derrick says:
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    PPR league….

    Gore for Andre Johnson.

    Which side?

    • Jennifer

      Jennifer Warner says:
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      @Derrick: As long as Mallet keeps looking at Johnson, you have more upside there. Both have decent schedules this week. Gore is more of an RB 2 while Johnson is more like a WR3. It’s ultimately your call, but I would stick with Johnson. That’s easy for me to say though, I own both in multiple leagues. ;)

  13. Nick says:
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    Pick 1 (WR3) for week 12, non-ppr league;

    Andre Johnson (tough matchup vs Cincy)
    Sanu (Houston giving up quite a bit to WRs)
    or Keenan Allen

    who do you go with? I have Allen in now but fantasy pros edges out Andre Johnson by quite a few experts…

    • Jennifer

      Jennifer Warner says:
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      @Nick: Johnson is getting a lot of attention from Mallet even in tough coverage so that is a good thing. It’s a toss up for me between Johnson and Sanu. I own both so I am in the same position as you.

  14. Hello Jennifer,

    Would love to get your opinion on the following for my starting line up in a standard league. I’ve wound up with a really solid team and am having a really tough time deciding who to start this week. I have:

    RB: Forte, Forsett, C.J. Anderson
    WR: Marshall, Hilton, Roddy White, Beckham Jr.

    I am obviously gonna start Forte but which of the other 4 should?

    Any advice is much appreciated,
    Turd

    • Jennifer

      Jennifer Warner says:
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      @Turd Ferguson: Hey there, Turd…Man, I loved saying “hey there, Turd” more than a lady should…anywhoo…

      I would go: Forte, Anderson, Marshall, OBJ, and Hilton

      My question is, wtf league are you in that you were able to snatch up such delicious names and stack your rosters? Second question is, am I going to get an invite to this league next year? We can dominate it, you and I! ;) Good luck!

      • @Jennifer Warner: I got pretty lucky on the waiver wire. I lead the league in points BUT I also lead the league in points against…so I had five bad beats that happened to me in the first 7 games. Each of the five I played the highest scorer in the league and three of which I scored the second most points of the week. FMFFL!

        Since the waiver is based off record and not points I was fortunate to get Forsett, OBJ, Anderson all off the waiver wire. So now I’m 6-5 and am the Top Scorer by a large margin and should make the playoffs. So it’s worked out pretty well…but damn it’s been stressful climbing back in.

        As far as getting in…it’s a family league so all you would have to do it marry one of my brothers (or a sister if that’s your thing) to get in.

        Thanks again for the advice,
        Turd

        • Jennifer

          Jennifer Warner says:
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          @Turd Ferguson: This entire season has felt like one big gasp for breath and clawing at the walls, so I know what you mean. That’s awesome about your points.

          Put in a good word for me with one of your brothers, will ya? Haha!

          No worries. That’s what I’m here for, sunshine!

        • Aubrey Plaza's Pillow says:
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          @Turd Ferguson: having 2nd most pts and losing is bad luck enough, to have it happen 3 times in first 7 weeks is probably in the few hundred to 1 against odds. yuk.

          • Jennifer

            Jennifer Warner says:
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            @Aubrey Plaza’s Pillow: I think most of us can say “yuck to our first couple weeks of the season. I only got to play AP once and now he’s gone to me forever.

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