usa-today-8961213-0

Welcome back, my Horde, to another edition of your weekly vice, Hit it or quit it.  Well, it looks like I managed to make it to Week 2 before my Black Widow Curse cost me some of my players.  Not to mention that I got my ass beat so hard in all of my leagues this week that even Ray Rice thought that the pounding I took was excessive.  It was definitely a rough one, but thankfully, I am someone who likes it rough.  And knowing all of you (the way I think I do) you like it rough too.  I hate to say it, but I really do love it when I end the season with pretty much a whole new roster than what I originally drafted and actually come out on top.  Now is our time to shine and really work over the rest of the people in our leagues.  So, without further foreplay, let’s get down to business and see what we can do with each other in this week’s edition of Hit it or Quit it, Week 3.

Fozzy Whittaker, RB, Carolina Panthers  Okay, I have to admit, “Fozzy Whittaker” sounds like some strange sexual practice (hence my title this week) and to be honest, if I did not know what I know about football, I would think that it was.  Go on, try me out.  Go and ask your girlfriend (or wife) if you can give her a Fozzy Whittaker tonight and see what she says.  I’ll wait…See!  I was right, wasn’t I?  I may have to get this one into the Urban Dictionary, but I have to come up with what it is first.  In the meantime, he will have to remain a Running Back for Carolina.  With Jonathan Stewart succumbing to my Black Widow Curse in Week 2, Fozzy Whittaker had to step up in the first quarter, and step up he did.  Overall, Whittaker finished the game with 16 carries for 100 yards and another three catches for an additional 31 yards in Carolina’s Week 2 win over San Fran.  Sure, he left for a little bit there with a suspected concussion, but really only missed one drive.  For now, it is looking like Stewart will miss some time with the hamstring injury, which leaves a lot of room open for Whittaker to step in and meet your needs.  Don’t be put off with Cameron Artis-Payne either.  He has been inactive since the start of the season and even if he does activate, he is still looking at time behind Whittaker.  I know you are all trying to be more adventurous, so what better way than to participate in a little Fozzy Whittaker?  Go on.  Hit it.

Quincy Enunwa, WR, New York Jets  Those of you who have been reading my Hit it or Quit it for the past few years know a lot about me.  One thing that I have made known is that I like a man who is versatile and can be used in as many ways as possible.  Quincy Enunwa seems to be emerging as one of those kinds of men.  Not convinced yet?  What if I told you the third year player was targeted as many times as Brandon Marshall in Week 1?  No?  What if I told you that the Jets seem to be using him in any way they can?  Bunching him up as a slot receiver and using his body to shield the ball from defenders, lining up in the slot formation (oooh, that sounds super dirty) thereby utilizing his physicality as a runner to pick up downs, and blocking like a Tight End.  Yes ladies and gentlemen, Quincy has it all.  He also managed to rope in 6 of 6 targets for 92 yards in Week 2.  Sure, I know some of you may be a little hesitant because he appeared to have some kind of rib issue that seemed to slow him down somewhat after the half, but there is no reason at this point to not consider him a WR4 for the Jets Week 3 matchup against the Kansas City Chiefs.  At just 10% owned in most leagues, let’s face it, you could do a lot worse.  You need him.  You want him.  Don’t hesitate.  Hit it.

Adrian Peterson, RB, Minnesota Vikings – Well, the AP bad luck has hit me again.  The last time I owned AP, I lost him at the start of the season because he decided to whip his kid with a switch.  Now, it seems the Fantasy Gods have destined for me to not get anything from AP as it seems that his injury in Week 2 is a torn meniscus and his status is up in the air.  Week 1 and Week 2 have not been kind either, since Peterson only managed to provide me with 3.10 and 3.60 points respectively.  Not nearly enough to satisfy a woman of my wants and desires.  Now this.  Okay, sure, AP has a history of returning from injury sooner than other players would, but come on, how realistic is this?  Owners like me may be looking for someone else to fill our needs in the meantime because he is looking at, at least, a few weeks missing.  And to be honest, unless he comes back and bangs harder than a convict on a conjugal visit, I am not impressed.  I am not saying drop him completely, come on, give me some credit here.  I am just saying re-evaluate your options.  The Vikings have been struggling to run the ball so far this season before Peterson got hurt, so it is likely that with this, they may become more of a pass-heavy team in the weeks to come.  For now, AP needs to be parked to the side until the full extent of his injury is out in the open.  In the meantime, get your freaky on with one of the other juicy suggestions I have for you.  Sorry, AP, time to rest up on my bench while mama gets her satisfaction elsewhere.  For now, it’s time to Quit it.

Jerick McKinnon and Matt Asiata, RB, Minnesota Vikings – So, now that AP is out of the way and mending on your bench, who do you wanna get your freak on with?  I am looking at McKinnon.  I know, I know, I can’t believe I’m saying it either.  I owned McKinnon a few years ago and let’s just say it was nothing to write home about.  Sure, it was a slot I needed filled at the time, but I don’t have to say that I am proud of it.  Now here we are, back at it again.  With Adrian Peterson looking at, at least a few weeks of R and R, the Vikings will be looking at McKinnon and Matt Asiata to step up and perform where Peterson fell flaccid.  It is projected that McKinnon and Asiata will double-team and form a 65-35 split, and although there is some talk with Asiata will be the goal-line man and punching it home, McKinnon is doing all the work and has more talent.  When I lost Peterson in 2014, Asiata ended up being a Fantasy dynamo for me and that could likely happen again, depending on how much time Peterson misses.  In the meantime, if you are looking to have those needs met and would like a little double team action, McKinnon will do all the foreplay while Asiata will give you what you want on third downs and goal line work.  Go ahead both are worthy of your love.  Hit it.

Kirk Cousins, QB, Washington – Unlike Zach Robinson, I can’t bring myself to say the name of this team, just like I can’t bring myself to tell you that Kirk Cousins is a QB worthy of your time and devotion.  Bottom line is, Cousins is not playing well and despite many weapons to his advantage, he has only managed to muster 5 of 7 passes for 34 yards, one touchdown, and two interceptions in the red zone this season.  Look, I am here to make sure that you are all satisfied and taken care of, and I can’t stand to see any of you suffer with someone who doesn’t give you what you need.  You can do so much better than a QB who’s own players have reportedly been complaining about because of his “lack of decisiveness, erratic play, and confusion.”  You need a warm and tender lover who will satisfy your every fantasy.  Cousins is not it.  Sure, they won the NFC East last season, but the Cousins of last season is not the one we are seeing now.  There has even been some talk that Colt McCoy would play better than Cousins.  Come on, my Lovelies.  Please, I hate to see you suffer.  Just don’t.  Find someone better.  Quit it.

 

 

Well, there you have it, my Horde.  Short, sweet, and to the point.  It was overall a quiet week on the waiver wire, and hopefully it stays that way.  For now, remember that I am here for you and it is my goal to make sure that you are getting as much satisfaction as you possibly can.  Love me, hate me, whatever.  I’m the one with the article.  As always, follow me on Twitter @Soxfan012 for all my shenanigans, daily musings, and overall awesomeness.  Until next week, use a rubber!

  1. Rick Dempsey says:
    (link)

    Is John Brown worth holding on to?

    • Jennifer

      Jennifer Warner says:
      (link)

      @Rick Dempsey: For now he’s worth a stash. Should have the opportunity to have a productive week this week, depending on how much he’s utilized.

  2. RotoLance

    RotoLance says:
    (link)

    “Okay, I have to admit, “Fozzy Whittaker” sounds like some strange sexual practice”

    They also have someone (formerly) named Philly Brown. What’s a Philly Brown?

    • Jennifer

      JENNIFER WARNER says:
      (link)

      @RotoLance: I don’t know, but I bet Tehol does.

  3. Okteds says:
    (link)

    Uggghhhh, I might have one of the shittiest 2-0 teams around….I need some help for the future…

    WR: Baldwin, Tate, Moncrief, Watkins, Fuller,
    RB: Forte, Langford, Stewart, Gore

    On the waiver wire are the following:
    RB: Coleman, Riddick, C-Mike, Mckinnon
    WR: Tyrell Williams, Davante Parker, John Brown, Mike Wallace, Core Coleman, Amendola

    Of my guys above only Forte and Gore cleared 10 points this past week, and 4 of the rest were injured in week 2….not sure who should get the boot considering what’s available….

    On top of all this….we might go to 7 keepers next year….I’m not sure if I’ll have even just one…HELP!

    • Jennifer

      Jennifer Warner says:
      (link)

      @Okteds: Stay away from Williams. He’s not worth keeping in any format.

      Parker has the Browns “Defense” this week. May be worth a Hit.
      Brown is worth a stash and has some upside. He also has the Bills this week and they allowed 3 receivers to top 90 yards last week.
      Amendola is up in the air. If Jimmy G doesn’t play Amendola is nothing. Even if he does, Amendola is too inconsistent to be considered an option.

      RB – go McKinnon.

      Hope this helps and may God have Mercy on your soul.
      Wallace has big play and red zone appeal.
      Coleman has WR3/4 appeal but the QB situation makes me a little hesitant.

  4. Pavel says:
    (link)

    I give:
    Tyrell williams/Jared Cook/Rashad Jennings
    I get:
    Arian Foster/Jordan Reed/Davonta Parker

    yay or nay? (ppr)

    • Jennifer

      Jennifer Warner says:
      (link)

      @Pavel: Uuuh, yeah? May I ask what league this is and are you playing against a bunch of chimpanzees just banging on keyboards? You’re unloading a bunch of 1’s and getting some 7-8’s. Hit it.

  5. Dave says:
    (link)

    Should I quit it already with Gates and pickup Pitta? (PPR) His lack of usage even with Keenan and Woodhead out is concerning. Or should I keep Gates and drop Tajae Sharpe to get Pitta? Already have Landry, JMatt, TY, Desean, and Will Fuller at WR.

    Thanks Jen!

    • swaggerjackers says:
      (link)

      @Dave: I know you didn’t ask me but as a fellow Gates owner, I’m giving him one more week. With Keenan and Woodhead both out ahead of gametime, they’ll have a week to figure out how to get Gates more involved. If that doesn’t happen, then I’m done with him.

      • Chucky says:
        (link)

        Not sure if you’ve seen the Charger games, but Antonio looks 36, old and slow.

    • Jennifer

      Jennifer Warner says:
      (link)

      @Dave: Gates has Indy this week. He’s due. Their defense has taken a hit my Black Widow Curse pretty hard. Pitta is tempting.

  6. Nick says:
    (link)

    Morning Jen, in a 10 team standard league and I have Barnidge at TE. With T Taylor or S Smith on my bench and ready to be dropped, do you grab a TE to fill in for Barnidge this week until I see more and can potentially drop him? Options include J James, Pitta, Tamme, Rudolph…

    • Jennifer

      JENNIFER WARNER says:
      (link)

      @Nick: Who else do you have? Barnidge is gonna be hard to trust this week. Right now he is looking more like a TE2 and I don’t expect him to be much more than that all season. Tamme right now is worth taking a long look at as a streamer this week. Flacco LOVES him some Pitta, so that’s worth a consideration. Rudolph…well, don’t get me started on him. He is aTD-dependent TE and in my opinion, is a stretch as a TE2.

      • Nick says:
        (link)

        @JENNIFER WARNER: I don’t have another TE, so I dropped steve Smith for Pitta & plugged him in over Barnidge for week3 just now..hope Flacco keeps looking for the Pitta!

        Another question, I have B marshall, Maclin & Snead at WR for week 3 with T Benjamin & J Brown on bench. You agree with starters if Marshall plays? if Marshall out, do you plug in Benjamin or look to drop T Taylor for Enunwa to fill-in week 3?

        • Jennifer

          JENNIFER WARNER says:
          (link)

          @Nick: I am also a disgruntled Maclin owner, but with him having the Jets this week and Revis Island being under water, I am hoping for a big week from him.

          Benjamin has been Rivers’ primary target and this week they get to face the Colts secondary who have been decimated by my Black Widow Curse.

          The choice is yours, my friend.

  7. I’m with you on Cousins. He has a 1:3 TD:turnover rate. Should I drop him to pick-up Tyrod Taylor, Jameis Winston or Matt Ryan? Also, Alex Smith, Tannehill or Flacco available. Standard 10 team league. I have Cam, so maybe I just hope he stays healthy and play best match-up on the bye week? Are Cousins, Taylor, Winston & Ryan all about the same tier? Ryan leads all QB’s in fantasy points so maybe he’s a good bet? Thanks Jennifer!

    • Jennifer

      JENNIFER WARNER says:
      (link)

      @madden_curser: Tehol’s gonna hate me for this, but I am not on the T-Taylor Human Centipede. Ryan has the Saints this week and they gave up 368 yards to Eli Manning last week for Christ’s sake. Ryan is also looking to make this his third 300 yard game in a row. I expect him to keep his hit streak up. But then again, I may have just jinxed it.

      As far as them all being the same tier? Well, I would not go that far. I would classify Ryan a little higher than Taylor, Winston and certainly Taylor.

  8. Thanks again Jeniffer! I threw Cousins to the curb and went with Ryan. I have Julio too, so a TD Pass from Ryan to Jones gives me double. I just couldn’t stand holding onto an ineffective QB like Cousins.

    • Jennifer

      JENNIFER WARNER says:
      (link)

      @madden_curser: I told you that you could do so much better. Feel the love my friend. Feel the love…

Comments are closed.