Well, well, well, here we are again, my lovelies, creeping up on Week 5 of the 2014 NFL season. Did I say “creeping”? I meant hobbling, limping, gimping, crawling, and generally just dragging our sad, broken and battered remnants of the rosters we once drafted through another week. Heading into Week 5, my Black Widow Curse is still in full swing, and there continues to be plenty of man souls for me to feast upon, or to adorn in my glass trophy case. One of these days I will learn to pick off your rosters, instead of my own, but hey, curses aren’t an exact science, and as I said before, a girl’s gotta eat. Hell, even the stalker in the bushes outside of my house has started to abide by the fifty yards stipulated in the restraining order, for fear that the curse will hit him and he’ll blow out a knee or tear a hammy. [Jay’s Note: Baby steps J-FOH… baby steps.]

If you are in the same position as I am, and many of you are, judging by the comments you left on my last week’s article, we are now rostering many waiver wire players to fill in the gaps. Heck, even Keanu Reeves would be impressed with The Replacements we have going on. But, much like that bomb of a movie, our rosters are also bombing, as we are forced to start the best of the worst. So, I am here again to drop some fantasy football advice, give you a chance to fill in those gaps, break up with some of those rostered deadbeats who aren’t pulling their weight, and hopefully, just maybe, escape my Black Widow Curse for one week. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you, Hit it or Quit it: Week 5.

Mike Glennon – Look, I already told you we are looking at the best of the worst because we are so deep in rosters now that we are damn near starting players’ grandkids who haven’t even been born yet. Do you need a QB with some potential? Then Glennon may be for you. He completed 21 of 42 passes for 302 yards, two TD’s and an INT in Sunday’s laughfest with the Steelers. Sure, Glennon missed a ton of throws and had his passes dropped more than a hooker’s panties during Fleet Week, but he did successfully target Vincent Jackson 10 times, worked well under pressure, worked the pocket, and showed that he could deliver. He is 4% owned in most leagues right now and remains a low-end streaming option against the Saints in Week 5. So, lower your standards, realize that this is the best you can do right now, suck it up, and Hit it.

Clay Harbor – We already learned last week that we have some sore and banged up Tight Ends…wait, what? What is this, Tijuana? These TE jokes never get old. Harbor has been working it like he is bae of the year for the Jags by being their primary pass-catching TE and with Marcedes Lewis succumbing to my Black Widow Curse and out until at least week 11, Harbor is going to see more work. Catching 8 of 8 targets for 69 (tee hee) yards Sunday, Harbor showed he’s good with his hands, and that’s a good thing. Keep an eye on his calf injury that he suffered in the preseason, but if you need a mid-range TE2 for Week 5, dock your dingy into this Harbor and Hit it.

Isaiah Crowell – Outplaying Terrance West in Cleveland’s first three games, it seems that Crowell may be looking to move up the Hit it ladder and become the HBIC in good ole Brown Town. He is averaging 5 YPC to West’s 3 and seems to be more of a power back whereas West performs based off blocks. Ben Tate is set to return in Week 5 or at least until my curse decides to feast upon him again, but in the meantime, Crowell makes more sense over West in Dynasty leagues. Crowell also looks to be more of a big play threat given that he has 4 carries with 15-plus yards. He really wants you and really wants to be in you…your league that is. So, appreciate the love and effort and Hit it.

Brian Quick – Yeah, I know, it’s the Rams. But, if you are hurting for a WR right now, and I know you are because I love feasting on 6’3”, 218 lb hunks of man soul, Quick is your man. I know, I know, “quick” and “man” are two words that a woman never wants to hear, but this one is worth it. He is leading Rams receivers right now with 21 targets (the rest have no more than 10), including a 51-yard TD in the second quarter against the Cowboys in Week 3. He has put out at least 60 yards or a TD in all 3 games this season and is looking to be a nice, strong WR3 option for Week 5, coming off a bye week. So, if you like ‘em big, and I know some of you ladies do, jump on this horse and ride him through the rest of the season. Saddle up for a loooooong ride and Hit it.

Alfred Blue – Do you own Arian Foster in any of your leagues? Then you know that my black widow curse took him out with a hammy injury and in stepped our boy, Blue. In week 3, Blue rushed for 78 yards on 13 carries and followed that up with nine carries for nine yards in Week 4, following Foster’s return. Sure, Blue may be our boy, but on his own, he has little to no value. On the other hand, if you also happen to own Foster, then Blue is for you. So, if you own Foster let your kinky side out with this must-own handcuff, watch Blue get the ball and Hit it.

James Starks – Was Starks even there in the Packers Week 4 win over Chicago? Starks played 1 snap with zero carries, and the Packers have made it very clear that Eddie Lacy is their HBIC, even if he is only averaging 3 yards per carry. Starks, on the other hand has averaged 5.46 YPC over the past 2 seasons, but the Packers’ love for Lacy has left no room for attention to Starks. On the other hand, he could pose some usefulness in a double up handcuff situation, but we all know how those turn out when not everyone is paid attention to equally. Save yourself the heartbreak, move along, and Quit it.

Jermaine Gresham – Even with Tyler Eifert falling victim to my black widow curse, Gresham was pretty much non-existent. He caught 1 target for 5 yards in the Bengals Week 3 win over Tennessee. He is nothing more than a TE3, and with our Tight Ends being as sore and injured as they are, this is one more pain in the Tight End you don’t want to be desperate enough to go for. As tempting as it may be and as desperate as you are, just keep on movin’ and Quit it.

Riley Cooper – Cooper’s problems with performance continue as he doesn’t seem to be able to do much with the likes of Ertz, Matthews, and Sproles around him. Essentially, Cooper has become a role-playing blocker. Even though he caught 6 passes for 54 yards in the Eagles’ Week 4 loss to San Fran, a ridiculous drop as the Eagles were attempting to stage a comeback showed that his performance issues cause nothing but problems and disappointment. Cooper’s 71 yards through the first 3 games of the season shows little to no value there either. Don’t even waste your time with this dud. He’d probably just lie there anyway. Quit it.

Andre Williams – Yeah, the G-men completely annihilated Washington this past Thursday and it is still burned into my brain since I started Kirk Cousins. During a beat down that would even make Ray Rice say it went too far, Williams rushed 15 times for 66 yards and a TD, but his lone pass caused him to develop a spontaneous case of stonehands. Sure, he was pounding his way through Redskins, err, Native American, err (insert politically correct team name here) defenders, but it was the Redskins. Rashad Jennings is still the HBIC and Williams will prove to be nothing more than a side bitch. He may, indeed, have a future in New York at some point, but for now, unless you want to get your kinky on again and bust out those handcuffs, there is little to no value in Williams. Move on to bigger and better things. You deserve better. Quit it.

 

So there you have it, my lovelies. It is not pretty, but no one ever said scraping bottom of the barrel was a good place to pick anyone up. As always, love me, hate me, whatever, I am still the one with the writer’s credit. Continue to follow me on Twitter for all of my Fantasy Football insights, musings, and general awesomeness. Until next week…

  1. owen says:
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    Should I pick up Eli Manning or Glennon off waivers. I currently have Tom Brady.

    • Jennifer Warner says:
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      @owen: @owen: I think Glennon has some growth and settling to do, but there is some potential there. On the other hand, Eli has had 2 good weeks on a row and has more experience. With who Eli has around him, I would probably say go for Eli now, but be mindful of the INT and Fumble potential.

        • Jennifer

          Jennifer Warner says:
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          @owen: @owen: Addendum: I picked up Eli off waivers last night. He has the Falcons this coming week and we know how their defense is. No problem! Glad I could help!

  2. Frank White says:
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    what’s up Jennifer… I got Palmer, Cam and bortles but of course can’t hold all of them. I got Fred Jackson at flex, Donnell at TE and Boldin, miles Austin and Matthews on bench. Matthews will be back before any of my players have a bye week but anyway, do you think I should trade Cam for Delanie walker or Kelce?? Maybe a good add at flex plus Cam hasn’t gotten 20 fantasy points yet this season.. if Palmer is hurt again I can always stream or keep bortles in. What you think and if so which one? Also if he says no to the one you like then are either of them with it?? Thanks!!

    • Jennifer Warner says:
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      @Frank White: I had Palmer but dropped him. No real value there even when and if he comes back. I would certainly trade Cam for Walker or Kelce. Kelce had a monster week this week and Walker has been producing as well. You can’t go wrong with either one. My only question is how are either of those picks still available in your league and how can I get in? LOL!

  3. Ron says:
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    Is now the right time to trade West for anything I can get in return?

    • Jennifer Warner says:
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      @Ron: There is not much else left out there right now, I would mab hold onto him for another week or so, see what happens, then see what you maybe can get.

  4. Jason Morgan says:
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    I am loving me some Rashad Jennings this season but I have to disagree with the way you have downplayed Andre Williams’ value. Yes it is only as a handcuff, but Jennings’ career high in carries is 163 (last year). He already has 81 carries in the first 4 games. No way he can keep up that pace. Williams is a solid stash for the second half of the season.

    And you a week or 2 late on Quick. Seems you are not quick enough.

    • Jennifer Warner says:
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      @Jason Morgan: You’re allowed to disagree. Everyone’s an expert, apparently. Remember though, that the first couple weeks of the season people who are expected to do well can fail, and vice versa. Whatever. I am still the one with the writer’s credit.

  5. owen says:
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    One more question for you…

    I have V. Cruz and D. McFadden in a Standard league. I was offered DeSean Jackson and Ryan Mathews (don’t know when he is coming back). Should I accept this?

    • Jennifer

      Jennifer Warner says:
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      @owen: I’d keep Cruz. Apparently he reads my articles and was not happy with being part of my Quit It list a couple weeks back. He has actually looked like his old self again. I would counter with someone else other than Mathews. He is out at least a month and dealing with a sprained MCL is no joke. I know, since I sprained mine about a year ago. It still reminds me that it will never be healthy again. I’d keep Cruz, trade away McFadden for Jackson and see if you can get the other party to counter for any other offer.

  6. jim says:
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    im in a deep ppr league with kick and punt return yardage as well. luck is my qb. was offered cobb for andre johnson and kaepernick. thoughts? would love some help with this

    • Jennifer

      Jennifer Warner says:
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      @jim: I own Kapaernick in a few leagues and benched him last week in favor of Cousins…yeah, smart idea, huh? Cobb had a big week last week with 113 yards and 2 TD’s. Johnson concerns me with that ankle. Never good to hear a player stay they “felt a pop.” I also don’t trust injury reports. At this point, you really don’t have anything to lose so I would say go for it.

  7. Mike says:
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    Need help with a trade:

    QB: Stafford
    RB: DeMarco Murray, Donald Brown, Lamar Miller, Toby Gerhard
    WR: Randall Cobb, Jeremy Maclin, Kelvin Benjamin, Roddy White, DeAndre Hopkins
    TE: Jimmy Graham, Travis Kelce
    D: Cincy

    I’ve been offered Lynch for Graham and since I don’t have a 2nd RB i’m strongly considering it. Any advice?

    • Jennifer

      Jennifer Warner says:
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      @Mike: I own Lynch and he has come up big for me. I also own Graham and although he has produced, he has not given me as much as Lynch. No brainer. Go for it especially if you need a second RB. I think it’s a good call.

  8. Jeff says:
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    I currently own tate, taliafero & a williams.(I also own R Jennings) Which one of those 3 RB’s should I drop?(Tate has been in my IR spot)

    • Jennifer

      Jennifer Warner says:
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      @Jeff: Well, Williams has Atlanta this coming week and their defense is pretty much non-existent, so I would not drop him this week. Tali is a sketchy flex play this week since they have the Colts. And Tate should be starting this week. If you MUST drop one, I would probably have to say Tali at this point, as much as I hate to admit it. I own him in a league.

  9. Count de Monetball says:
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    Jennifer, love your write-ups.
    I’m in a 10-team 0.5 ppr league with 1QB, 2RB’s, 3 WR’s, 1 W/R/T, TE, DST, K starting. The leaugue also gives 1 pt per 10 return yards. I was just offered

    Phillip Rivers (I have Brady-suck ass; and Blake Bortis as QB’s) trying to pick up Manning (waivers)
    Montee Ball

    for;

    C.J. Spiller
    Demaryius Thomas

    Notes: I picked Colston up off waivers and he’s my 4th reciever
    My other RB’s include (keeping in mind our league counts return yards)
    DeMarco Murray
    Sproles
    Knile Davis
    Ryan Mathews (hurt)
    Khiry Robinson

    My other WR’s are
    Hester (return yards)
    Victor Cruz
    Colston
    Kendall Wright (may drop for Andre Roberts – again return yards)
    What do you think of this trade? II have a surplus of RB’s and need a QB…

    • Jennifer

      Jennifer Warner says:
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      @Count de Monetball: I say take it. You have the rest of the roster to back it up and with Thomas’ contract stuff on the line, his future could be uncertain.

  10. friar says:
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    Which side would you prefer in a non-ppr league: Torrey Smith or Jordan Cameron? More importantly, do you plan to curse either one of this guys (more than they’ve already been cursed) anytime soon? Thanks!

    • Jennifer

      Jennifer Warner says:
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      @friar: I have a mad schoolgirl crush on Cameron to the point that he is the desktop wallpaper on my laptop. I wish I was joking, but I am not. I like Cameron over Smith for the simple fact that Smith has been awol for most of the season and seems to be losing out work to Smith, Sr. Torrey is hit or miss and nothing more than a sketchy WR3 at this point. Cameron all the way. For the eye candy and for the points.

  11. ashtray says:
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    Cut loose Shorts for any of these guys:

    Royal
    Hurna
    Marvin Jones

    Thanks!

    • Jennifer

      Jennifer Warner says:
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      @ashtray: If you have to trade for anyone on that list, I would say Royal is the best option there.

  12. Don Majkowski says:
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    My Team(2QB League/PPR/12 team)

    QB Rivers
    QB Flacco
    RB Martin
    RB Asiata
    RB/WR Percy
    WR Julio
    WR Steve Smith
    TE Olsen
    D Seattle

    Bench

    Hopkins
    DMC
    AP
    Josh Gordon
    Jake Locker

    1) Do I trade Juio for Shady? (I could clearly use the RB depth, but hate to give up Julio, who I tnk will be #1 WR this year…though I have the WR’s to do it, especially with Gordon coming week 12.

    2) What is your opinion on AP ROS…will he play again this year?

    3) How good will Josh Gordon be in weeks 12-16…will he immediately be a must start?

  13. vinodole says:
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    Am I crazy for thinking The Replacements was a pretty fun and entertaining movie? Just me?

    Jennifer, I lost Pitta and now I’m trying to decide do I stream TEs or just stick with one of these guys for ROS?

    Dwayne Allen
    Owen Daniels
    Jared Cook
    That guy on Tampa I’ve never heard of who (whom?) a bunch of people are talking about all of a sudden

    Thanks!

    • vinodole says:
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      Just noticed Niles Paul is also out there…

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