Well, hello there my lovelies! I hoped you missed me as much as I missed all of you? I am sorry that I had to miss out on bestowing Fantasy Football knowledge on you this past week, and that I was not able to get to all of your questions from Week 5. I was forced to travel to the darkest regions of the Cajun swamps of N’Orleans to visit a Voodoo Mambo, with the hopes that she could rid me of this Black Widow curse. Regardless, here we are again, all limping, gimping, hobbling, and dragging our sorry a**es into Week 7. I, for one, have embraced the Hooptie that is my fantasy football rosters and as I roll, tailpipe draggin’, into week 7, one thing is certain, the Cajun Mambo did nothing as my Black Widow Curse is still alive and kickin’. Oh, and before we roll on further, no, the title to this week’s article has nothing to do with the peeps I plan on covering. I just wanted an opportunity to toss out some more adolescent humor that I picked up this week from one of the best Fantasy Football team names I have ever seen. So, with that in mind, let’s get to it, shall we? Razzballers and Razzballettes, I give you, Hit it or Quit it: Week 7.
Odell Beckham, Jr. – Thanks to my Black Widow Curse taking Victor Cruz out of my lineups, it has opened the door for Beckham. Originally pegged to only play in three-wide sets, Beckham is now wide open as HBIC opposite Rueben Randle. The good news? He can also stay out when the Giants hit their three-wide look. The rookie is owned in about 37% of leagues and is looking to be a must own across the board as a sexy looking WR3 against Dallas in Week 7. When one door closes, another one opens. Buy this guy a drink before I do (we all know what will happen to him after I pick him up) and Hit it.
Brandon LaFell – LaFell had four catches for 97 yards and two touchdowns in the Patriots’ Week 6 win over Buffalo. He played in a majority of two-wide sets opposite Julian Edelman and, if you needed any more reason to hit this, the Pats have the Jets in Week 7. Sure, LaFell may not be anything better than a third choice in the pass game and has potential to not be a really reliable fantasy option given the state of the Patriots infrastructure right now, but he remains a decent WR4 option, should you be a Pats Homer, or you are just really in need of a Receiver right now. Brady also seems to be showing more trust in receivers of late, so its last call, take what you can get and Hit it.
Jace Amaro – Yes, you are reading this correctly and yes, I have a Jets player on here. Look, even the ugly girls need lovin’ too, right? Sometimes being the girl with a lesser deformity has its perks, and that’s exactly what Amaro is. The Jets are basically a Junior High Football team right now, and with absolutely no weapons, they are no threat. What makes Amaro the prettiest girl at the mental institution, you ask? Well, in Week 6, Amaro managed to bust out 10 receptions for 68 yards and a touchdown. With the Jets being, well, they Jets, this could be a good chance for Amaro to step up as Geno Smith’s new bae. The Jets also have the Pats in Week 7 who are lacking a linebacker and have been more than willing to open their legs to Tight Ends this season…wait, what? Anyway, just 2% owned in most leagues, Amaro is looking to have some TE2 potential this coming week. Don’t be a snob. You know you love a nice Tight End with potential…Hit it.
Scott Chandler – Are you a Jimmy Graham owner like myself, who has lost him to the Black Widow Curse for at least another couple of weeks? Do you need a Tight End (hey, we all do, am I right? Wink-wink.) Well, fear not! Wings aren’t the only things that are hot in Buffalo these days. No, the Bills aren’t on fire, because, well, let’s face it, they’re the Bills, but they are harboring a nice little secret in Scott Chandler. Chandler had 6 catches for 107 yards in Week 6. With Sammy Watkins getting shot down by Darrelle Revis, Chandler was able to take on a bigger role. Most of his catches came on third down, showing that Chandler is the man to go to when you need to get shit done. Around 2 % owned in most leagues, the future for Chandler could go either way, but looking at his 70 receptions in each of the past 2 seasons, the Bills upcoming schedule against Minnesota and the Jets, Chandler is a solid bench option and outside of Sammy Watkins, the door is open for Chandler to see more throws come his way. So, call Rachel, Monica, Phoebe, Ross, and Joey, consider him a friend with benefits, and Hit it.
Matthew Stafford – Without the love of his life, Megatron, Stafford has been beside himself and has been more than struggling. He is missing open receivers, the ones he is hitting are dropping passes, and Matty is now looking at 2 total TD’s and a 57.8 completion percentage over the past two games. As long as Calvin Johnson is out, Stafford is a shaky creeper on the rebound. There are plenty of other fish in the sea and we like a man who can stand on his own. Do what Stafford hasn’t been able to do with Megatron and Quit it.
Matt Asiata – Playing just 15 snaps in the Vik’s Week 6 loss to Detroit, it seems that Asiata has seen his usefulness come and go. Losing work to Jerrick McKinnon, Asiata handled three touches to McKinnon’s 17, and played 15 downs to McKinnon’s 48. Hey, I wanted this guy to excel and really move forward too, but it seems that Asiata now has to face the fact that there is another HBIC in ol’ Minne-sote. We are sorry Matt, it is just not working out. It’s not you, it’s us. Quit it.
Knowshon Moreno – Look, Week 6 was a shitty week for most of us. If you were anything like me, many of my rostered RB’s didn’t even break double digits, nor did they even come close. Moreno is one of them. Rushing 6 times for just 10 yards and catching one pass for eight yards in the Dolphins Week 6 loss to Green Bay, Moreno rotated series-to-series with Lamar Miller in the first half. Moreno ended up getting stuffed like a Thanksgiving turkey on three straight goal line chances to score, and looked as though he needed a nap. In the second half, Moreno was featured on a milk carton while Miller saw a majority of the work and looked much quicker. Sure, it is fun to watch the potential competition between Moreno and Miller, but at this point, Moreno is Bea Arthur to Miller’s Melanie Iglesias in this beauty contest and no one wants Bea Arthur in their lineup. Quit it. [Jay’s Note: News is now Moreno is out for the season with an ACL injury.]
C.J. Spiller – Wow, am I sensing a theme here? I am seeing a lot of highly owned players making my Quit it list this week. Okay, okay, I am only putting Spiller on here because the bum accounted for -0.10 points in one of my leagues this week. Yeah, seriously, I’m that petty. Spiller played just 12 of 69 (hee he) snaps, which is a 17.3% dip in his play time. Spiller entered Week 6 with a 40.8% player rating and Week 6 gave Spiller his lowest snap count since the Backstreet Boys were a thing. Ok, not really, it was only 2012, but still. The fumble loss probably had something to do with that as well. The Bills have not really been able to find a way to utilize Spiller effectively and it seems that they may be getting tired of his performance issues on the field. If you want to hold on to him, he should be considered no more than an RB3/4 heading into Week 7. Do me a favor though, follow my lead… Quit it.
Well, there you have it my lovelies! As we roll into Week 7, we are all hurtin’ for certain, and it seems we are making up more than we are making love… or something to that effect. Remember, keep those chins up, keep doing you, and embrace those beat a** rosters for all of their unbelievable sh*ttiness! Follow me on Twitter for all of my Fantasy Sports musings and general awesomeness. Until next week…