There was some stat floating around the internet that caught my eye, much like that YouTube video that explains in excruciating detail the sharpest tuna-cutting knife on David Attenborough’s Planet Earth. Now that I’ve lost you in 8 sub-clauses and some exciting tuna talk, I’ll reveal the stat: The Detroit Lions — yes, the Motor City Kitties — were the top-scoring team in the league and had only one win to show for it. Your fantasy teams squealed in delight as Jared Goff and Jamaal Williams — your pre-season all-stars, right? — racked up points and millions of bucks for DFS teams. This week, the Lions faced the Patriots, helmed by the esteemed backup to the backup Bailey Zappe. Shoulda been a slam dunk, right? Well, 161 ground yards by Rhamondre Stevenson later, the Lions got shut out, and Zappe got his first career win, a mere week after nearly felling the great ayahuasca plant that is Aaron Rodgers

If you find my alliterations abysmal and want all the week 5 reactions from the Fantasy Besties, check out their show on the Razzball YouTube channel at 7:15 Eastern:

Let’s start with some random stats: 


Quick Hits

Name Fun Stat Notes
Brian Robinson 9 rush, 22 yards Outpaced Antonio Gibson’s 6 yards.
Jakobi Meyers 7 rec, 111 yards, TD Bailey Zappe might save your fantasy season.
Dyami Brown 2 rec, 105 yards, 2 TD Our fav last-round pick of 2021 finally shows up.
Case Keenum 8 passing yards Got some playing time after Josh Allen threw for a quarter mile.
Jaylen Warren 24 rush yards Out-rushed Najee Harris
Gabe Davis 3 rec, 171 yards, 2 TDs 98-yarder sure helped
Breece Hall 97 rush yards, 1 rush TD, 100 rec yards Jets put up 40?
Skylar Thompson 166 yards, 1 INT The Bailey Zappe of the South. 
Miles Sanders 15 att, 58 yards There’s the guy we know
Ezekiel Elliott 22 att, 78  yards Pollard went 8 att/86 yards, yikes
P.J. Walker 5/6 for 60 yards You needed another QB streamer, right?

Teddy BridgewaterWell, the one semi-confident fantasy-related thing we could say about the Dolphins’ situation was that Teddy Bridgewater — a veteran signal-caller and all-around smiley Gus — was taking the reins to the Dolphins offense. At least our receivers would be safe! And then something like 5 smiles into the Dolphins game, Bridgewater got slammed into the turf and the doctors felt like they needed to take another look at him for a concussion. This left Skylar Thompson, a 7th-round draft pick, in charge of Jaylen Waddle and Tyreek Hill. Oh and Mike Gesicki, my favorite tight end to draft and then never start. According to my deep-dive research on Wikipedia, Skylar Thompson was one of the top pre-season quarterbacks in the league. Remember the top pre-season rusher DeeJay Dallas? What’s he up to now? Read the article to find out! ENYWHEY. Teddy was supposedly “OK” to return but the doctors wanted to evaluate him further, which makes sense given that they bungled the Tua Tagovailoa situation. If we have more Skylar, I’d put Waddle/Hill down a notch in DFS exposures; we simply can’t give up on them in regular fantasy. Raheem Mostert feasted like me in a Mcdonald’s on Thanksgiving in Bridgewater’s absence, racking up 113 yards and a TD despite the ‘Fins being down throughout the game. 

The Jets: So, the Jets had 5 rushing touchdowns on Sunday: 1 for Breece Hall, 2 for Michael Carter, 1 for Braxton Berrios, and 1 for Zach Wilson. Two of those players aren’t running backs, ya dig? Berrios even passed for a touchdown last week, to none other than QB Zach Wilson. What are we supposed to make for this in fantasy? Wish I could tell you. Breece Hall is clearly the #1 back usage-wise in New York, and Michael Carter is holding on to RB2 usage numbers while producing waiver wire outputs. It’s up to you if you want to roll the dice on the Jets — I’m sure the Sharks would — but I think Hall is the only rosterable player from this backfield. 

Kenny Pickett324 yards in the air for [checks notes] 0 touchdowns and an interception. Well now. Last week I talked about how rookie QBs can be nightmares for fantasy managers. People tend to forget those early games from guys like Peyton Manning, Tom Brady, Lamar Jackson, and other luminaries like Zach Wilson, Sam Darnold, and every other Jets QB. You know who throws 324 yards and 0 TDs? That’s the Derek Carr profile. So grab a cold beverage, bring the beverage into the shower, and spend 30 minutes thinking about your 2024 vision board for your dynasty team while Pickett figures himself out. He’s a backup or streamer for 2022, and a small DFS exposure player, but nothing to get excited about quite yet. 

Taysom HillPassing TD with 22 yards in the air, 112 yards on the ground with [checks notes] 3 TDs. Gentlemen and lady reader, I present your RB1 for Week 5, the backup quarterback and backup tight end of the New Orleans Saints, Taysom Hill. Also, apparently Taysom is TE4 on the year despite having 1 reception. What position should we give him? And why can’t opposing defenses stop him? I mean, I’m still bitter over the Vikings in week 4 seeing Hill lining up under center and somehow thinking that the guy wasn’t going to run the ball. It’s kind of like when Saquon Barkley lines up in the wildcat — do we really think Saquon is going to launch a ball thirty yards downfield? ENYWHEY. If you’ve got space on your FLEX spot, plug him in and keep your fingers crossed, but don’t be surprised if you get goose-egged. Hill’s done this flash-offense thing so often before — he’s huge for a few weeks and then absolutely disappears for a few weeks. That’s why I love best ball — I can roster Mike Gesicki and Taysom Hill and get zeros on the same week! 

Tyler Lockett / D.K. Metcalf2 TDs for Lockett, 1 for Metcalf as the reign of terror that is Geno Smith continues to decimate defenses. As Russell Wilson has walked himself out the door of relevance — and we did learn this week that he’s been playing with a partially torn lat muscle — us fantasy managers are saved by Geno Smith. You did add Geno two weeks ago when I told you, right? [stares at Anakin Skywalker] RIGHT?  Meanwhile, all of us who were worried about Locket and Metcalf being A) relevant at all, and B) relevant in the same game, have now discovered that C) they are relevant just as they are and that’s all we need to feel happy and secure. Ah, if only I could be as secure in my crypto holdings as I am in D.K. Metcalf’s comforting arms. He comforts the football, all right? 

Kenneth Walker III: Walker started out the year with absolutely dismal usage behind Rashaad Penny. However, Penny suffered a fractured tibia on Sunday, and is looking at missing the majority of the remainder of the season. Walker had done very little of note up until week 5, when he put up 88 yards on 8 rushes for a TD. Walker’s a “fine” RB2/FLEX option if you missed out on the Jeff Wilson lottery, which is still somehow going on in 25% of leagues. Oh yeah, pre-season rushing leader DeeJay Dallas got 1 carry for 4 yards, in case you wondered how I feel about the pre-season. Told ya he’d be in here! 

Saquon BarkleyAs you read 150 words ago, Barkley’s been doing some interesting things in the new-look Giants offense. Even though Barkley missed a chunk of the game while being evaluated for a shoulder injury, he ended up with over 100 all-purpose yards and a touchdown. The Giants were a 10-point underdog going into the game — and if you don’t gamble, the translation is that they were really expected to lose — yet they pulled off a magnificent comeback in London. I dunno what you want me to recommend here — there’s literally warm bodies off the street playing for the Giants. You want to add Gary Brightwellbe my guest — I won’t (Joe) judge you. 

Randall Cobb7 catches for 99 yards on 13 targets. Sometimes when you get stressed out you go back to your old habits, right? Cobb had as many targets in London on Sunday as he had in his first 4 games combined. Cobb is a statistical avoid — he’s clearly not the future of the franchise, like a Romeo Doubs or Allen Lazard, and Aaron Rodgers had generally avoided him throughout the first part of the season. 

Travis Etienne / James RobinsonMuch like the portrait of Dorian Gray, when one of them does well, the other looks ugly. After J-Rob looked like he had done the massively improbable and reclaimed the RB1 job in Jacksonville, Travis Etienne seems to be “the guy” for the Jags. At least for now. Maybe it’s a Florida thing — finding a new man every week. Etienne went for 71 yards on 10 carries while Robinson managed 27 yards on his own 10 carries. Another week, another split. We all expected Etienne to be the lead back — he had a third-round ADP, after all — but it’s still surprising and concerning from a fantasy standpoint that no back has truly broken out. It’s tough to say it, but James Robinson is relegated to a FLEX play at best, and he’s probably worth benching in smaller leagues. 

David Montgomery / Khalil HerbertWhen Frankengomery plays, Herbert stays…on the bench. Herbert got 4 carries to Montgomery’s 12, and Montgomery led the Bears in receiving on Sunday in a surprise come-back game. Hope you moved Herbert while you had time. The Bears came from 17 points down to nearly defeat the Vikings, and I wish I could write that sentence with the least bit of surprise. If 2021 or this week has anything to say about Herbert’s usage going forward, he’s back to being irrelevant. 

Rhamondre StevensonDamien Harris left the blowout of the Lions with a hamstring injury, and Stevenson took advantage with a wild 25 carries for 161 yards — and 0 TDs! You’ll have to stay tuned to the Week 6 injury report because there were so many intangibles going on in this game that we can’t say that it’s reflective of anything — Patriots are on their 3rd string QB, and the 1A of the committee backfield was injured, and they were playing the Lions, who have allowed 28 or more points in every matchup this year. What, the Lions being awful? Why, I never! 

Jeff Wilson Jr.: Because 50% of leagues are abandoned already, and another 25% of leagues fear winning, Wilson has been — much like my work history — “generally available” throughout 2022. I’ve been solving every issue you’ve had for weeks with “drop your guy, add Jeff Wilson.” Even if you came to me asking, “EWB, how do you keep your hair so shiny and slippery?”, I’d still  be out here saying, “Add Jeff Wilson.” 120 yards on the ground and a handful of yards in the air and you’ve got your answer to your RB2 woes. And for all of you Zero RB sadists out there celebrating a Rhamondre Stevenson/Jeff Wilson week, I salute you. 

Baker MayfieldBenched in favor of [checks notes] XFL legend P.J. Walker. HAHAHAHA. That’s it. That’s the analysis. 

Cam AkersRemember that hot minute when Akers had it figured out? Back to sub-3.0 yards per carry and all of our nightmares are coming true again. Also, I dream of fantasy football, which makes me the saddest person on the planet not named “Baker.” 

Rondale MooreSpeaking of all our nightmares, the one, the only — the legend! — Greg Dortch has fulfilled his teleological purpose and given way to Rondale Moore. Moore finished with 7 catches on 8 targets for 68 yards, while Dortch has disappeared into the aether. Tune in to the next five weeks as I repeat this trope with P.J. Walker and Sam Darnold. As much as we would like to say that Dortch’s trip to fantasy relevance will repeat itself in the upcoming weeks, it’s safe to move on. Moore should be a WR3/FLEX going forward. 

Let me know how your weeks went down in the comments! If you’ve got questions for Monday Night Football, feel free to jump on YouTube with the Fantasy Besties and see if they can help you get a W. 

 

25 Comments
Oldest
Newest Most Voted
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
bobsnyder4210
bobsnyder4210
3 months ago

This week was crap for me, mostly because of in-game injuries or general stat output malfeasance (looking at you, Bengals and Lions). Or bad drafting…but I hate my drafts even if it’s week 17 and my team just won. Anyway, while my mood matches this week’s results, let’s talk about Taysom Hill.

If I were just a football watcher, Taysom Hill would probably be a lot of fun. But I’m a fantasy investor for actual money (not a ton of money, but it doesn’t matter…money is money), and I hate the whole Taysom Hill phenomenon.

So, at least until real-world defensive coordinators get their collective acts together and address this by making sure that there is always a LB or D-back right there to slam Taysom Hill into the ground as hard as possible a yard or two past the line of scrimmage, just like they would if it were any real RB they could get their hands on, can we at least help solve the fantasy Taysom Hill problem?

I think the interim fake football fix is pretty straightforward…just like in fake baseball – where players who haven’t established a real position eligibility yet get tagged with UT (that’s the baseball equivalent of “W/R/T” for those who don’t know) – why can’t a football gadget with no real position just be tagged as a “flex-only” on all platforms? Then at least playing him (or any future replica of him) means you lose the flexibility of your flex and still have to play a real TE, or whatever, in your lineup too. Seems more fair to me, since I see the same principle in action every baseball season and it works just fine.

Just venting…

bobsnyder4210
bobsnyder4210
3 months ago

I didn’t think so much about the QB production because they haven’t really used him purely that way for a while, but that’s a good addition to this rule, if it ever happens. Although that could get a little complicated, since other players occasionally pass on trick plays as well.

I guess the real solution is still for other teams to get their acts together and just put a stop to this nonsense.

Last edited 3 months ago by bobsnyder4210
Mobin Can't Hack It
Mobin Can't Hack It
3 months ago

pretty sure at least these 3 you still don’t get the hitting stats of anybody input as a pitcher that day (fantrax/espn/yahoo). or pitcher stats if input as a hitter that day. so even if madbum/greinke/wainwrong had a good hitting day prior to universal DH and you had them starting for pitching you’d not now get their hitting stats. ohtani you have to pick (it’s easy unless you don’t need hitting or pitching stats, leave him at util for hitting only days, pitching for pitching day. i’m betting it’s more common to be so far ahead in pitching that you might sometimes leave him at util even on his pitching days but i’ve never done it). it would be possible for sites to just take all the stats a player produces, and as long as you started him somewhere to get them all, but at least those 3 sites (it’s entirely believable that espn/yahoo never even thought to do this, much less actually had the effort to actually do it) haven’t yet done it. would necessitate an entire overall from what they have/had/do done previously.

Mobin Can't Hack It
Mobin Can't Hack It
3 months ago

i’d venture to guess not one league with anybody that shows up in here has j.wilson in FA. he’s been the starter for weeks, and even if you wouldn’t have already known that when mitchell went out, would know it by now. those numbers just serve to show how committed a large chunk of football leagues are entirely filled by those who aren’t.

HollywoodJoe
HollywoodJoe
3 months ago

Hi Blair!

pondering a few trades. I am wondering if I should “cash in” on carson wentz or hold as he’s proven to be useful in a 2qb (superflex league).
Qb’s: herbert/smith/wentz
wr:godwin, aj brown, aiyuk, g. wilson, e. moore
rb: swift, j. williams, m. boone, z. white
te: conklin, hockensen

The trades: would you give: Wentz/Hockensen for Mark Andrews
or- Wentz/Hockensen for Lockett/M. Gordon
or- Wentz/Hockensen/Moore for Higgins/Tonyan or Waller

I’m kind of souring on hockensen…

Thanks!

HollywoodJoe
HollywoodJoe
3 months ago
Reply to  HollywoodJoe

I should mention I also have CMC at rb… a notably name left off

Draft Dodgers
Draft Dodgers
3 months ago

I was offered Cook and Evans for Kupp. Hard to move on from Kupp but wanting your take given these two potential lineups in our .5 PPR league.

Current
Brady
Saquon, Zeke
Kupp, Godwin
Flex: Cooks or Pickens
Bench: Dillon, Mattison, Boone, Doubs, Rachaad

After Trade
Brady
Saquon, Cook
Evans, Godwin
Flex: Zeke or Pickens or Cook
Bench

Water Boy
Water Boy
3 months ago

Hey man!

Full ppr (10 team)

Would you deal Romeo Doubs or Pickens to get Kareem hunt? Thinking ROS + bye weeks think it’s good to have the RB depth

My RBs are Dalvin cook (bye week 7), zeke Elliot, Dameon Pierce, mattison, pollard, chase Edmonds, Mostert

My WRs are (we start 3)
Justin Jefferson, davante adams , courtland Sutton, Gabe Davis, Gallup , Pickens, Doubs & stashing on one of my IR slots: Jameson Williams

Next Q
I have Russell wilson, do I start him this week or drop Dalton who I started this week over Wilson to add geno smith? I was thinking of dropping Dalton for eno Benjamin but geno is on fire

Thanks man!

Water Boy
Water Boy
3 months ago
Reply to  Water Boy

Also at what point would you look to stash Deshaun Watson? He can’t go on IR because suspension but a bench he can do

Thanks!

Water Boy
Water Boy
3 months ago

If not for Kareem hunt thoughts on one of Jk dobbins, Melvin Gordon? Gallup , Doubs or Pickens is what he wants in exchange for a RB. He has miles sanders too but I may need to add a piece for sanders & sanders is his best RB plus next week would be bye week hell if I got sanders both cook + sanders would have byes not to mention also Justin Jefferson. I like Mostert as a piece for bye weeks

Would you prefer Kareem hunt, Melvin Gordon,or jk dobbins in exchange for Doubs? Dobbins I’m iffy on especially with Gus Edwards returning in the next few weeks & it seems Baltimore is managing dobbins

swaggerjackers
swaggerjackers
3 months ago

In PPR / .25/carry, who’s the cut out of Carter, B Robinson, and Allgeier?

Last edited 3 months ago by swaggerjackers
Draft Dodgers
Draft Dodgers
3 months ago

Would you trade Dillon and Doubs for M Evans if it left you with the following lineup that is super thin at RB? Context…. .5 PPR, 12 teamer, no RBs worth a darn on the wire.
RBs: Saquon, Zeke,
WR: Kupp, Godwin
Flex: Cooks or Dillon or Pickens
TE Pitts
Bench: Boone, Mattison, R White, 2 of the 3 listed under flex

Draft Dodgers
Draft Dodgers
3 months ago

New one!
His Cook and A Jones which instantly gives me a monster with Saquon already on the squad for Kupp and Dillon. My WRs would be Godwin, Cooks Doubs and Pickens.

Mike
Mike
3 months ago

EB what up? Who you got for PPR FLEX? Curtis Samuel, Doubs or Alec Pierce? Thanks man

Russowl
Russowl
3 months ago

Standard league with a 10 point bonus added if you reach 100 Rushing or 100 receiving yards. Need some help filling to flex spots

Godwin, Olave, Dobbins, Mostert, AJ Dillon or Najee Harris?
Thanks