Well, if your life wasn’t already macabre, morose, and too full of malaise, last night’s riveting (ludicrous) game was just for you. While the idea of these two teams playing in prime time was a little bit hard to swallow, I just pretended they were battling for the all important right to permanently move to England. It added some motivation to what was essentially a football game of two color schemes trying to kill off all the epileptics in the world. In what was a close 19-13 game, the Jaguars pulled out the win in such a fashion that I think we should all find something experimentally to snort. Honestly, I wouldn’t be surprised if Satan recorded that game to show it on loop in Hell for the next few millennia… At least next Thursday is Thanksgiving. Food, booze and actual football! (I hope…)
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Blake Bortles – 21/30, 242 YDS, 1 TD, 1 INT and 2 CAR, 9 YDS. Blake Blind Bortles of ‘Bama! Blake Butterfinger Bortles! Just when you thought the Jags couldn’t find a quarterback worse than Blaine Gabbert…
Allen Hurns – 3 REC, 19 YDS. I couldn’t even tell if Hurns was injured, ineffective, or was just tired of playing in that game.
Marcus Mariota – 22/35, 231 YDS and 5 CAR, 29 YDS, 1 TD. The ghost of Steve McNair wouldn’t have made this game watchable.
Delanie Walker – 8 REC, 109 YDS. I believe I speak for all of us when I say that I envy the color blind. I CALL THIS GAME “MODERN ART”, BECAUSE IT FEATURED A LOT OF UGLY COLORS, WAS BORING AS HELL, AND I COULDN’T FIGURE OUT WHAT I WAS LOOKING AT.
Final Thought
Why did we watch this? We’re only encouraging them. We should tell a responsible adult where the Thursday Night Game touched us…
