The Fantasy Football world has gone all zombie apocalypse and all our stars are turning into the walking dead. Everyone out of the prison, there’s walkers in D! Someone tell Daryl to get his crossbow and a haircut and please keep Carl away from the pigs and my team (that damn kid is trigger happy). Things are about to get real messy. The walking wounded list from Sunday’s episode included Jimmy Graham (ankle), Randall Cobb (knee), Danny Amendola (head), Cecil Shorts (ribs), Matt Schaub (hurt feelings) and some dirty foreign lady that tried to get all stabby on Rick. *Spoiler alert* Rick’s alive, but it’s raining dead all over your fake football team. There’s no loyalty when it comes to surviving the Fantasy Football zombie apocalypse. Before the death toll gets too high or someone makes me watch World War Z again, let’s bring in some new blood. It’s time to jam it or cram it.
Jam or Cram: Josh Freeman, QB, Minnesota Vikings
Availability: 90% Yahoo, 96% ESPN
Stat Me Up: Freeman has not taken a snap since joining the Vikes. He did open the playbook, but got “distracted” by his new bong then ate four bags of Combos.
$$$ Value: $1. I’d drop a dollar on Freeman. However, I’m also the guy that bought this on eBay.
The Gist: After Matt Cassel played like Matt Cassel again on Sunday, Freeman has a good shot at the start against the New York Giants Monday night. There was a time Freeman was one of the up-and-coming QBs in the league. Just a year ago he put up 4000 yards and 27 touchdowns. Today he showers with Christian Ponder.
The X-File: Last season Ponder was the 31st ranked quarterback in the league. The only player ranked lower? Matt Cassel. Freeman was 10th.
Jam it or Cram it: Viking HC Leslie “don’t call me Shirley” Frazier hasn’t made up his mind yet on whether Freeman will get the nod versus the porous G-Men defense. If Freeman starts, he has weapons in Greg Jennings, Cordarrelle Patterson and Kyle Rudolph. Having Adrian Peterson behind you certainly doesn’t hurt either. Freeman could make for an interesting play in a QB2 league. And by “interesting” I mean desperate. CRAM
Jam or Cram: Brandon Jacobs, RB, New York Giants
Availability: 75% Yahoo, 98% ESPN
Stat Me Up: Last Thursday night, a reanimated Jacobs put up 23 fantasy points on 22 rushes for 106 yards and two touchdowns.
$$$ Value: $7. Time to start using some of that waiver cash on things other than tight ends and kickers. Why are you spending on kickers, Taco?
The Gist: The Giants are a mess. Eli can’t throw it to his own team, Hakeem Nicks has checked out, Da’Rel Scott is hurt and David Wilson is the leading cause of fantasy owner suicides this year. Jacobs is going to get the work.
The X-File: Jacobs tweaked the hammy, but with 10 days off he’ll be good to go.
Jam it or Cram it: Jacobs gets the Vikings Monday night. The Vikes have given up the 3rd most fantasy points to running backs this season. Why not take a chance of Brandon Jacobs? He’s bound to have some points left in those 68-year-old bones until he runs into the line and completely shatters. JAM
Jam or Cram: Percy Harvin, WR, Seattle Seahawks
Availability: 57% Yahoo, 64% ESPN
Stat Me Up: Harvin has not played since off season hip surgery. Hip surgery is not getting a mustache waxing by these guys in Williamsburg.
$$$ Value: $10. Hey, big spender.
The Gist: Harvin has been the forgotten man this season and he is just waiting for you to pick him up. Harvin will be a must start WR2/WR3 headed down the stretch. He may not get the start this week, but all signs point to Week 8 against the Rams. Waiting around for him will be as frustrating as standing in line at a Starbucks inside a Walmart inside the DMV.
The X-File: In just nine games last season, Harvin had 62 catches, 677 yards and 3 TDs. Pete Carroll is so jacked and pumped and annoying.
Jam it or Cram it: Your humble-but-nonetheless-handsome Guru doesn’t usually suggest jammer/crammers that aren’t playing, but this is the kind of mid-season pick up that can lead you to the fantasy promised land. Don’t get too excited, the “fantasy promised land” is in Delaware. JAM
Jam or Cram: Joseph Fauria, TE, Detroit Lions
Availability: 97% Yahoo, 99.9% ESPN
Stat Me Up: Fauria caught three passes for 34 yards and three touchdowns Sunday against a Browns team that had given up the 4th fewest fantasy points to tight ends this year.
$$$ Value: Four quarters, five dimes and 10 nickels. That’s how much change I found on the dresser.
The Gist: The free agent rookie tight end doesn’t do much between the 20’s, but Fauria is Matthew Stafford’s binky when it comes to the red zone. Fauria has more fantasy points than Jermichael Finely, Greg Olsen and Kyle Rudolph. The fantasy god’s hate tight ends.
The X-File: For some reason Stafford has failed to target Fauria even once in half the Lions games. At 6’7”, 255-pound, Fauria is kind of hard to miss.
Jam it or Cram it: Five of Fauria’s seven catches this season have been for scores. If the son of Christian Fauria ever catches three touchdowns in a game again I will surrender my turban and open a donut shop. That’s a cool idea. CRAM
Jam or Cram: San Diego Chargers, Defense/Special teams
Availability: 74% Yahoo, 85% ESPN
Stat Me Up: The Dolts gave up 27 points two weeks ago in a loss to the Oakland Raiders.
$$$ Value: $1. Islands in the stream, that is what we are.
The X-File: The Chargers D is averaging just 5 1/2 points a game and are last in the league in forced turnovers.
Jam it or Cram it: Why the love for the Chargers this week? San Diego will face the Jacksonville Jaguars Sunday. The Jagoffs have allowed 10, 15 and 23 fantasy points to opposing defenses the last three weeks. I would start my nephews pee wee team defense against the Jags. Those pint sized kids are relentless and at crotch height. JAM
Thanks for hanging in the Razzball lounge. Follow The Guru on Twitter @TheGuruGS for the daily jam or cram, fantasy roster 411’s and other gooey shenanigans.