Welcome once again my fantasy friends to the Razzball Lounge. Every year at this time your Razzballin’ scribes gather together in the lounge for Thanksgiving in an effort to avoid the family, complain about our teams, knock back a few and give our thanks to the Fantasy gods on another season well played. It’s just like what the Pilgrims did – without the small pox and post-meal genocide. On this festive day we find our fearless leader Sky in a gravy stained wife-beater hugging the waitress and crying over the loss of his season because he drafted Doug Martin No. 1, “I wanna be your muscle hamster.” *SLAP* Sitting alone in a dark corner JB Gilpin enjoys his pumpkin pie and mutters again and again, “Cam Newton is the MVP, Cam Newton is the MVP.” Over at the jukebox is the one and only J-Foh, dropping quarters and playing “Alice’s Restaurant” for the 10th straight time, “You can get anything you want at…” *bottle smashes above head* Locked in the ladies room the one and only Tehol Beddict asks this pretty lady if she wants to see his giblets, “Whatever happens in the Razzball Lounge stays in the Razzball Lounge, right guys??” And standing here at the pool table is your humble-but-nonetheless-handsome Guru. *closes eye, aims cue, sinks 8-ball off three rails, pulls wishbone from pocket* “Make a wish. It’s time to jam it or cram it.”
Availability: 81% Yahoo, 90% ESPN
Stat Me Up: 19.48 Fantasy points. McCown went 36-for-47 for 352 yards, two touchdowns and a pick.
$$$ Value: $6. Six bucks for a QB that puts up nearly 20 points a week? Yup, it’s the same price the Dutch paid for Manhattan.
The Gist: The 34-year-old, former high school coach outscored guys named Brees, Manning and Romo last week. With the receiving weapons he his disposal in Marshall, Forte, Jeffery and Bennett, he just might outscore those three QBs again.
The X-File: McCown has only two turnovers in five starts.
Jam it or Cram it: McCown has been solid every week and he’s a Top 10 play against a Vikings defense that allowed Matt Flynn to score 15 points in just over a quarter of work. McCown will likely get the nod again in Week 13 as he continues to fill in for Jay Cutler who is still receiving daily groin massages from Kristin Cavallari. JAM
Availability: 96% Yahoo, 99% ESPN
Stat Me Up: 16.90 Fantasy points. Cunningham rushed 13 times for 109 yards and a touchdown.
$$$ Value: $20. Gotta drop the cash to pick up any running back with a starting chance.
The Gist: With Zac Stacy concussed and sitting in a dark room alone with a drool cup, Big Benny is the add here. Especially since he’s averaging nearly 10 YPC. In a completely unrelated note: There was a kid in my neighborhood named Benny Cunningham that rode the “short bus.” Wonder if it’s the same guy. He did wear a helmet.
The X-File: The Rams are averaging 152 team rushing yards over the last seven weeks and are running the ball 53 percent of the time.
Jam it or Cram it: Damn, the Stacy injury hurts. I owned the guy everywhere and we were going to get bunk beds together – more room for activities! Whether you’re a Stacy owner or not, Cunningham is worth picking up as a possible RB2 or Flex play or just to block your league-mates from getting their greedy paws on him. ‘Tis the season. JAM
Jam or Cram: Nate Burleson, WR, Detroit Lions
Availability: 76% Yahoo, 96% ESPN
Stat Me Up: 13.70 Fantasy points. Burleson went lucky 7’s on Sunday: 7 catches for 77 yards and a touchdown.
$$$ Value: $18. I’ve been waiting in line for days for this Black Friday special.
The Gist: Playing in his first game since breaking his arm, the Lions wasted no time getting Burleson the ball. If you snagged Burleson off the wire last week, I tip my cranberry sauce colored turban in your general direction. I tend to wait on picking up a guy recovering from accidents involving pizza.
The X-File: Burleson was targeted 10 times on Sunday.
Jam it or Cram it: Four out of five Fantasy experts agree, Matt Stafford likes to throw the ball. Megatron can’t catch them all. Burleson is going to be a solid WR3 heading into the Fantasy playoffs. With guys like Riley Cooper and Jarrett Boykin likely long gone in your league, get jam happy with the Guru, grab a slice from the front seat and JAM Burleson.
Availability: 99% Yahoo, 99.9% ESPN
Stat Me Up: 14.00 Fantasy points. Green had three catches for 80 yards and a touchdown.
$$$ Value: $2. Ladarius is a two dolla holla.
The Gist: In my bestest Michael Irvin voice: Ladarius Green is a beast! Over the last two weeks, the 6’6″, 240 pound Green has hauled in seven catches for 161 yards and a touchdown.
The X-File: Green is averaging 22.0 yards per reception this season.
Jam it or Cram it: Like what I’m seeing from Green, but the fact Antonio Gates is still hanging ’round kind of drags down the value, though. Adding Green is a gamble, want to roll the dice on a boom or bust? No thanks. CRAM
Jam or Cram: Cleveland Browns, Defense/Special Teams
Availability: 68% Yahoo, 80% ESPN
Stat Me Up: A big FAT ZERO Sunday against the Steelers. They did have a sack. Hooray.
$$$ Value: $5. Gotta pay to get into the dog pound this week.
The Gist: The Browns D put up a terrible towel worthy performance against the Steelers last week, but have a young aggressive defense. They currently rank fourth in the NFL in total defense (306 YPG).
The X-File: The Browns are sixth against the run (98 YPG) and fourth against against the pass (208 YPG). Stats are fun.
Jam it or Cram it: The Browns have totaled more than 10 Fantasy points only three teams this season. Why add them, Guru? Well disembodied voice of Razzball Nation, the Browns are facing the Jaguars on Sunday. Hey, where did you go? JAM
Jam or Cram: Kai Forbath, K, Washington Redskins
Availability: 89% Yahoo, 97% ESPN
Stat Me Up: Averaging 6.5 Fantasy points the last four weeks.
$$$ Value: $0.Don’t pay for kickers, Taco.
The Gist: Once again, I received more questions about kickers than any other position. I think you’re just playing with me now.
The X-File: *Spoler Alert* Kai Forbath is the name of Jon Snow’s real mother on Game of Thrones.
Jam it or Cram it: The Redskins face off against the Giants this week. The G-Men have given up the 7th most fantasy points to Kickers this year. Who does this research? Damn, I did. I really need a girlfriend. JAM
*Week 13 Bonus Tracks*
Monte Ball, RB, DEN: Knowshon Moreno was on crutches after Sunday’s 224 yard performance. That’s not good. Know what else is not good? Monte Ball. CRAM
Tiquan Underwood, WR, TB: Love the hair. Hate the player. CRAM
Good luck in Week 13. Leave a question below or hit me up on Twitter @TheGuruGS for turkey cooking tips.