It was a nice return to Philly for the Walrus, Andy Reid, as his Chiefs took down his former team. The team that has been a talk of the NFL despite starting 1-1 with a defense made of wet paper with holes big enough to make Jenna Jamison blush has overshadowed Reid’s new team. You know, the one that has flown under the radar to a 2-0, now 3-0 start. This isn’t fantasy relevant, says the casual reader. Well, CR, I have news for you. Entering the 4Q, Jamaal Charles had 10 carries for about 26 yards. He ended the night with 20 carries for 92 on the ground and a touchdown. You getting the fantasy relevance yet? With how quickly the Eagles offense could strike, Reid went to the drain the clock well down the stretch, leading to what was a decent but boring fantasy night and turned it into fantasy gold as Charles finished with 27 total touches – 7 for receptions – for a total of 172 yards and a score. He could’ve another one in the 4th but real football got in the way of our fake football dreams and dashed it. Moving forward, Jamaal’s still the man in KC and still looks to be a top 3 back in the making. Given Smith’s game managing ways, Charles should see plenty of check downs and yardage the rest of the way. To put it in Beatles terms, ‘Sitting on a cornflake, waiting for the van to come. Corporation tee-shirt, stupid bloody tuesday’. Hrm, well I give up. There’s zero ways to make a drug-induced song by the Beatles relevant to tonight’s game other then the title. Goo-Goo-G’Joob! In other 2013 Fantasy Football news from week 3…
Dwayne Bowe – One catch for four yards. Pretty sure Alex Smith has a vision problem. I’m guessing near-sighted. Can only see 5 yards down the field at the time. Meanwhile, anyone who thought Alex Smith was a viable fantasy QB this year is probably near-sighted.
DeSean Jackson – Wasn’t the night any expected as he tied three teammates for target supremacy on the night with 7 and finished with 3/62. Also ran out of bounds when he didn’t have to on a 40 yard bomb to avoid contact. Must’ve sat in on one of Vick’s coaching sessions about that. Wish Vick would…
Donnie Avery – Finished the night with 7/141 on 7 targets. You may think this is a beautiful WR floating out in the free agent oasis but it’s simply a mirage. Or better yet, it’s Chloe Sevigny in ‘Hit & Miss’. Don’t think anyone’s ever found the perfect female to play a shemale like the casting director did there. Would seriously think she was a body builder based on the face if it weren’t for the body she’s rocking…nonetheless! Game of circumstances. Philly can’t guard the under route…ok, they can’t guard anything but Smith was a checkdown master tonight and Avery was the benefactor along with Charles. Leave him be unless it’s a really deep league where you can start Chloe…I mean Avery.
Kansas City D/ST – Pick them up. Seriously, go now. I know it’s TNF but they’ve now only had 32 points against on the year and their plus/minus as a team on the year is 12. Guess how many TOs they have? It’s zero. You do the math. You don’t even have to carry any numbers over.
Jason Avant – Scored a touchdown while pulling in 7 catches for 87 yards. Anyone who started him in standard-sized leagues tonight is an idiot Avant.
Michael Vick – Didn’t really look bad on the night. Just a bad combo of good defense and playing on a Thursday Night. Fantasy owners are probably happy with the production but that’s because we don’t count QBRat.
Justin Houston – Had 3.5 sacks. I’ve heard that that is good for IDP. But I don’t know anything about IDP. You should ask our resident IDP expert Kevin Kumpf – @kevkumpf on twitter – to see if that’s good. You should also ask how some whack-ass systems engineer has his name. Seriously, no one cares about your logistics! Get off twitter!
LeSean McCoy – Man, I was thinking that Chip’s offense would be a gamble to bank on for fantasy purposes this year – the main reason I had him as low as top 12 RB for fantasy purposes this off-season – but even after moving him up to top 5, I didn’t see this coming. Despite only having 6 receptions on the year, McCoy has been the prize of most fantasy drafts with where he’s gone. Yes, even if you took him top 5, you’ve gotten a value. That’s tough to do. After another huge game on the ground – 158 rushing on 20 touches along with a touchdown – it’s clear that Shady is shining bright. Dude even returned from an ankle sprain in the second half. He’s doing it all for your love, Fantasy owners!
Alex Smith – When I talked about why Kaep would keep the job over Smith last year with you readers, I said ‘Kaep helps San Fran win; Smith just helps them not lose’. After tonight, I think we can see what that means. Smith went to the Jason Campbell School For Checkdowns. He graduated with honors but may go back to pursue his PHD in it once this year’s over. After that hiatus, he’ll apply as a professor for the Jaguars.
Sean McGrath – Nabbed 31 yards on 4 receptions. Also has more pubes on his chin then you’ve seen on a woman in a porno in over 30 years. For the kids of the internet age, yes, women grow hair down there too. Don’t believe me? Search ‘amateur’ on your XXX site of choice and select the grainy looking vid with bad lighting. If my wife’s reading this, please realize any info I have on this subject was strictly done out of research for my readers. And that I’ve cleared all browser history so you don’t have to find out how many grueling hours I put in to find out. Also part deux, I promise none of our vids are up there *crosses fingers behind back*.