The title is a product of a long day and a lack of sleep. Here are some more hallucinogenic thoughts:
Wes Welker: He isn’t on the injury report this week so he’ll probably break something while searching the internet for balloon-boy parodies. How he could possibly do that I’ll leave to your capable imaginations. But for all you dubya dubya owners that have had to wake up at the crack of 3 pm to make sure he is playing, you can now just sit back and relax while the fantasy points come rolling in against a horrible and injured Titans’ pass defense.
Correll Buckhalter: He’s averaging a paltry 7.2 yards per carry and should be back for Monday night’s tilt with the Chargers. Knowshon Moreno is the man in Denver and Buckhalter will just have to take his medicine which is being a change of pace back and/or Moreno’s backup, stand in, understudy, biznatch, etc . . . and no kind of sugar is going to help that medicine go down.
Antonio Bryant: His coach says Antonio Banderas Bear Bryant looks the best he has since OTA’s. This is good news, but the quarterback situation is a sitcom called The Two Joshes where the catch phrase is always Freeman and Johnson looking at each other quizzically as Coach Morris yells, “Josh, get in there!”
Clinton Portis: He is hurting again which, if you could see my face, you could tell that I’m feigning surprise in a very sarcastic way. So everybody and his dog, everyone, is telling you to sell Portis, so I’ll do the same. I’ve done it a few times already and really if your leaguemates read any fantasy site that has updated in a month or so they’ve read it from someone else. If you are in a league of amnesiacs you may be able to get away with selling high if he can hobble across the goalline a time or two against a poor Chiefs’ D.
Terrell Owens: Darrelle Revis said he would be on TO most of the game. I know Revis got beat by Ginn last Monday, but it happens to the best of us. I had writers block after a rival fantasy blogger told me I couldn’t analyze my way out of a paper bag! Revis will shut down TO like he’s an interstate highway covered in toxic waste and Revis is the head of NYSDOT.
Pierre Thomas: He has been limited in practice this week, but looks like he will play. Mike Bell is back and practiced fully, but I still see Thomas as the premier back until I’m proved horribly incorrect by real life.
Rashard Mendenhall: He didn’t practice with the flu on Thursday, but did practice yesterday. Willie Parker isn’t going to hurt Mendenhall’s value even though he’s back from his turf toe. Start Mendenhall without reservations, unless you have some weird rules in your league and have to call ahead of time.
Percy Harvin: He has been limited in practice with a shoulder injury and is questionable against the Ravens. If he were healthy he would be an easy start against a Ravens’ pass defense that has been less than stellar, but I do worry that if he does go that he could reaggravate the injury or be attacked at anytime by Jared Allen’s mullet.
Justin Forsett: There is talk that Forsett will start to see more work soon. If you need Julius Jones on your team you might want to grab Forsett as insurance. If you are in a deep ppr league he is also a good pickup. If your pets are telling you not to listen to this advice, seek professional help.
Jerricho Cotchery: His value has taken a u-turn and a nose dive at the same time, which must cause lingering hamstring issues. He won’t play against the Bills and Braylon Edwards seems like a new man which has quickly moved him ahead of Cotchery on the depth chart. I was high on Cotchery not too long ago and now I’m down on him. I’m ready to get off this ride.
Calvin Johnson: He is questionable for the Packers game and probably should be listed as doubtful or out since there really is no chance he’ll play. What I question are these labels. He hasn’t practiced so why would you throw your franchise wideout into harms way? Just say he’s out and let us not start any Lion. Can you guess who the Lions’ two starting wide receivers are? The correct answer is, it doesn’t really matter.
Ricky Williams: I didn’t think that the Dolphins’ backfield would have enough room for two fantasy relevant players and you know who my choice was, but Ricky has proven me wrong. He still has a ton of power and enough speed to get his big body around the corner. It’s too late to do much about it, but I wanted to give him props and a non-ganga laced post.