Everybody having leftovers of that Thanksgiving turphucken? You know, that duck stuffed inside a chicken stuffed inside a pheasant stuffed inside a turkey? Is it even possible to cook something like that without introducing massive listeria problems? How about I just write the inevitable outcome of Thanksgiving football: Kirk Cousins and Justin Jefferson are gonna run real hard next week because they’ve got food poisoning and need to get off the field. But for the rest of us who ate our feasts the way Yahweh intended — in the form of a takeout burrito bowl and gas station beer — we’re ready to keep chugging and plugging in players on our rosters.
Oh, speaking of plugging and chugging [dramatic pause for effect], Coolwhip and I are vying to make the cutline in the RazzBowl. I had this really DFS-brain idea that I would start Damien Harris to make myself different from the field. And I’m sure gonna look different after those 16-yards Harris ripped off before leaving the game on crutches and being so hurt that he couldn’t wear his pants. Me too after Thanksgiving, Damien, me too. Let me know if you’re rooting for me or Coolwhip down in the comments.
And a quick “change of programming” note — I’ll be doing the weekly injury report as my only article each week to finish out the season. “The season” is also somewhat flexible — sometime in the next month, let’s say. You’re always free to revisit my articles and ask questions in the comments. Between my various Razzball duties, I’ve skipped only 3 deadlines across 3 sports in the past 3 years (333…I’m half-bestial!), and I need some time to take a break. Please support any of the writers who step in during my winter hibernation and feed them apples and fish heads to show your support.
Week 12 Injury Report and Roster News
Joe Mixon: Mixon will miss week 12 while he recovers from a concussion. Mixon’s understudy, Samaje Perine, will take the lead role on Sunday and probably sing slightly off-key. Perine has filled in for Mixon plenty of times before, and the best performance he’s delivered was last week’s 3 touchdown performance on 4 catches. Yeah, that’s not happening again (same thing I said about Christian Watson). In his other lead role performances, Perine has put up anywhere from 50-90 yards, which is a fine FLEX or emergency fill-in. With the dearth of running back depth this year and Thanksgiving taking up three games off the schedule, you’re not gonna find many better plays for Sunday. I know that I suggested James Cook instead of Perine last week, but I’ll eat that crow for now. Who woulda thought the Bills would give Cook 3 touches on Thanksgiving? ACKSHUALLY, you know who would be a good pickup? Rachaad White is available in 50% of leagues somehow. Let’s talk about that.
Rachaad White: Really, this is a Leonard Fournette blurb. Lenny showed up to training camp looking heavier than me after eating a deep-fried turphucken, and Lenny thought it was a fine narrative to say, “I can loose that weight no problem.” Problem is, when you’re putting extra pressure (read: weight) on your joints (read: hips) and trying to do strenuous activities, (read: carrying the weight of Tom Brady’s failures), you’re probably gonna fall apart. Take it from me, a guy who has watched 14 seasons of Grey’s Anatomy — I know about carrying burdens! ENYWHEY. Lenny’s doubtful for Sunday, and he was already doubtful to even have a starting job. Over his past two games, White has broken into FLEX and then RB2 territory. Of course, Tom Brady still had $650 million more dollars when White played those games. Maybe Tom’s a little distracted now and that trickles down to poor Rachaad White, who had barely paid off his trainers with his rookie salary before discovering the guy handing him the football spent half a billion dollars on imaginary money. Regardless of how devastated your crypto wallets are, it’s fine to add Rachaad White for this week and hope for the best.
Bryce Perkins: Are you ready for some fullback! Matt Stafford will miss another game, and his usual backup John Wolford will hold a clipboard while the Rams “see what they have” in the fullback-turned-quarterback Bryce Perkins. As I noted last week, Perkins is an intriguing deep-league or DFS desperation play. And when I say “intriguing,” I mean that in the most degenerate sense: the guy costs $5000 on DraftKings, and is a mere +800 to not score a TD. So, 90% chance of scoring a TD. Let’s put that in perspective: that’s three times more likely than the current Vegas odds on Marcus Mariota to score 2 TDs. Here’s the secret of fantasy sports: it’s all about likelihood, and Vegas has super-computers. Vegas also has other things, I’m told, but it’s not like I would ever go there on purpose. If you’re a risk chaser like me and don’t care if you finish last and need a QB, give Perkins a shot this week and see what happens. If you’re a DFS shark, give Perkins a few lineups with Allen Robinson ($5500 on DraftKings and 25% available) and see what happens.
Justin Fields: Separated shoulder and is questionable for Sunday. Like he ever throws the ball anyway. USA Today — a news outlet that I totally respect and would never question the integrity of — indicates their worry that the New York Jets will hit Justin Fields with sack upon sack this week, and that the Bears offensive line can’t protect Fields. I mean, sure. How exactly do you protect a guy that runs 15 times a game? Also, please name a team that doesn’t try to hit the quarterback. OK, besides the Raiders because they simply don’t understand the concept of defense or winning games. I mean, a bigger threat would be, “Zach Wilson will complete 45% of his passes for 90 yards and then you’ll have to deal with our secret weapon: Michael Carter.” The Jets produced fewer yards as a team last week than Justin Fields has rushes on the season. FEWER TEAM YARDS THAN A QUARTERBACK HAS RUSHED. Seriously, who makes that kind of threat? Whatever. If the Bears start Fields, follow suit and start him. Otherwise, Trevor Siemien starts, and we all know what he can’t do — I’d stream Bryce Perkins over Siemien.
Ja’Marr Chase: He’s back! Logically, I should have written about him up in the Joe Mixon section, but omitting him until this point is what editors call “making readers scroll.” You read everything and you burned 1/100th of a calorie while doing so! Chase was semi-questionable last week, so he should be fully fantasy-ready this week. With Mixon’s absence, guys like Tyler Boyd are still intriguing plays, and I’d keep Boyd in your lineups as a WR3/FLEX this week.
Gus Edwards: Should play this weekend, but the last time this happened, the Ravens just gave the ball to Kenyan Drake anyway. It’s more than fair to point out that Lamar Jackson has been kinda meh recently, with 50% of his recent games finishing outside of a 12-team starting QB. Even if we point to Jackson’s ADP of QB4, he hasn’t hit that level in nearly 2 months. So, is there room for the Gus Bus on your team? Of course. Statistically and contractually, Gus is supposed to be the driver of the Ravens backfield, but the team has kept us surprised for most of the year and I wouldn’t be surprised if week 12 continues that trend.
Allen Lazard: Remember when all the touts put down big bets that Lazard would be the top receiver in the league this year? 38 catches in 9 games played later, I still remember all those bets. No, I didn’t take any of them — why would I wish for the success of my mortal enemy, the Packers? ENYWHEY. Lazard is not listed on the injury list going into the Packers’ game against the Eagles, which is good for Lazard and probably bad for Christian Watson. That said, A-Rog has been all over the place recently, and Lazard hasn’t finished as a starter in even 16-team leagues for a couple of weeks. We can expect some reasonable regression and a high likelihood of a shoot-out against the Eagles, so a bit of extra emphasis on Lazard this week couldn’t hurt.
All right friends! Let me have your questions down in the comments. Quick reminder that I’m shifting to just one column a week from now on, so use this Injury Report article if you have questions. Good luck!
