Because of the two games, I had to pass on my original gem of ‘Grains of Rice, Flacco Seagulls rain down on Bengals’. Hrm, maybe I should be thankful for that. In any case, I never thought up a second one because I was too busy writing this one. Yes, it took me that long to get that first one out there. My Mom always called me a bit slow, I always thought she was talking about my vegetable dicing speeds. Well guess what, MOM, if you wanted me to be that fast you shoulda sent me to culinary school. You know, like Bake Me A Steak University of Technology or something. In the end, I did my best to provide a bountiful feast of fantasy football delights for you to dine on this Tuesday morning. Yeah, it probably tastes bad a day after it’s been made but don’t worry, I salted and buttered the heck out of it.
Joe Flacco – Joe has been telling us he was a top end quarterback. At least this game, he backed up his talk going for nearly 300 yards passing and 2 touchdown passes. One thing I will say is that his pass to Pitta for the touchdown was one of those ‘no, no, no, no, YES!’ plays as he got nailed and rained a football down into Dennis’ hands in the middle of the endzone. You’re not going to be successful on that play very often. Let’s just say he was pretty good, a little lucky, the uptempo offense worked and he still has an uglier uni-brow than me.
Ray Rice – Well he didn’t touch the ball much with 10 rushes and 3 receptions for a combined 93 yards but I’m sure no one was complaining with his two touchdowns. Oh you’re gonna make me feel good I had you over Arian Foster this year, Ray, I can tell. XOXO.
BenJarvus Green-Ellis – Before the game escalated quickly, the Law Firm was looking like the back to own between the two, racking up over 50 yards total and a touchdown by the half. For those who just look at the box score, this game was 17-10 Baltimore at the half. The Law Firm might’ve given an even better line had the Bengals hung in there more.
Dennis Pitta – Nine targets for five receptions, 73 yards and a touchdown. It was a good night to be Dennis Pitta. It would be a bad night to put your FAAB bid out on him. Go look at the TD he caught in Flacco’s blurb. He doesn’t catch that, you have 4 receptions for 60-ish yards. The truth is, both he and Ed Dickson saw plenty of looks last season and it was really hard to nail down who would perform, week to week. Next week you’ll wanna pick up Ed. Then you’ll own both and call him Bennifer or Brangelina because there’s really no good nickname to squeeze their two names in to. And they’ll both be on your bench and make you own three TEs. DON’T DO IT.
Anquan Boldin – Yeah, it wasn’t a catch but we have Grid Kids football refs out there so whatcha gonna do? Boldin won’t have many games like this over the rest of the season but he proved he can still be useful, which is more than we can say for Brandon Weeden. Yes I just took a potshot at the rookie who had nothing to do with this post. He was terrible, go watch the footage.
Andrew Hawkins – Well, someone has to be the WR2 in Cincinnati why not Andrew? Unlike Pitta, I’d be willing to throw down a few dollars on this man, especially in PPR leagues if you’re in need. In other words, he’s not this year’s Victor Cruz but neither is Ogletree and people are clamoring to get him. Andrew has the look of ‘quiet, solid production’ written all over him. That’s what happens when they let me in the locker room after a game with a sharpie.
Torrey Smith – You thought you were in for an amazing night when he caught that 52 yard pass to start the game, didn’t you? It’s obvious the Whigs are running this team, keeping the Torreys down! That was historical political humor. Hello?
Darren McFadden– Played like a top 10 wide receiver last night…which sucks if you play in a standard league and pretty frickin sweet if you’re in a PPR. Thirteen recs for 86 yards to go with 15 rushes for 32 yards and no paydirt. Oakland had one chance near the goal line but it was at the end of the second and a 4th and 1. It’s clear their coach owns Sea Bass in fantasy this year.
Philip Rivers – Was solid and guided his team to a win. Oh you’re here for fantasy stuff. Yeah, he was just a’ight if you owned him but really amazing if you owned Nate Kaeding. It’s clear why this game was played at 10 PM EST. No one was going to watch it anyway.
Carson Palmer – Like his counterpart, solid but boring. But I tabbed him as a bench QB so I don’t mind a little Raconteurs on my bench. Steady as she goes, Palmer.
Malcom Floyd – Second on the team in targets for the night while catching their lone touchdown, showing Vernon Davis how it’s done. That was the scoring highlight for San Diego. Savor it.
Rod Streater – Under the radar sleeper coming into the game scored Oakland’s only touchdown during what the Raiders would call crunch time but with less than a minute left to play, fellas it was junk time. Though he also tacked on the 2 point conversion, he fumbled earlier in the game, messing up a potential drive for points. No word on if he cried afterwards. Keep in mind Denarius Moore was inactive for this game before you go crazy about him. In deeper leagues, I’m buying but don’t know where he fits in Oak-town when Denarius comes back. Maybe near Lake Merritt.
