Uhhhhh… are you pointing at me? That look feels like sexual assault…

The tale of how these teams fared last week couldn’t be more opposite than actual Jets and actual Bears. Missiles and salmon bro… totally different. Trailing by 17 before the half, the Chicago Bears rallied on the road in the 49ers home opener, probably causing at least three stabbings in the parking lot. On the flip side, the Jets led the hapless 2014 Packers 21-3 before the half, before they proceeded to do the Jetsiest thing imaginable and lose 31-24. The cherry on top was a 37-yard touchdown that would have brought them within one point with five minutes to go, but was negated by a Jets timeout. Mmmmm, so Jetsy. Will we get a combination of both dramatics and derpiness for tonight’s Monday Night Football game? With Jay Cutler and Geno Smith, anything is possible folks.

The only news that mattered was the status of both Brandon Marshall and Alshon Jeffery. Both are expected to play tonight.


Drinking Game

Note: I still have some wine left from SNF, so here we go again. I’ll be drinking a shiraz via Yellow Tail. 

Take one sip of wine if…

Chris Berman Berman’s all over the place.

Rex Ryan looks frustrated at something.

Geno Smith over throws or under throws his receiver by 5 yards.

Jay Cutler runs for his life and makes a hasty decision.

Chris Conte does something stupid.

You get really confused why they keep showing this old white guy on the sideline, then remember Lovie Smith isn’t the coach anymore.

Finish your glass if…

Steve Young says something stupid and/or redundant.

Brandon Marshall makes a one-handed catch.

You see Jay Cutler make this face:



Totally Legitimate Game Prediction:

Bears – 20, one point for each cigarette Cutler smokes after a game.

Jets – LOL.

  1. Sange76 says:

    12 team .5 ppr keeper
    2-1 so far, pretty solid squad I think

    Qb cutler, kaepernick
    RB forte, R. Jennings, zac Stacy, Joique bell
    , j. Hill, knile Davis
    Wr Julio jones, Vincent Jackson, kelvin benj, Andrew Hawkins
    Te. Ertz, witten
    K. Gostowski
    Def. NE Pats

    Either if these trades good for me? I have been known to over trade in the past, especially in baseball…
    Joique bell and witten for jimmy graham or
    Joique bell and v jax for demariyus Thomas


    • Jay

      Jay says:

      @Sange76: Honestly, I would do both, but I like the Graham one the best.

  2. barker says:

    10 team 1/2 ppr qb and qb flex spot

    qb newton wr a brown cobb garcon rb lacy murray te olsen q/w/r/t tannehill
    bn r jennings terr williams gates palmer gordon mckinnon

    manning owner is 0-3 and has kelce and donell as his TE what do you think of this trade
    i give newton garcon gates i get p manning keenan allen kelce

    • Jay

      Jay says:

      @barker: I like that trade for you.

  3. Cheese Eating Surrender Monkey says:

    bunch of questions.
    1. PPR, i’m the best team (and it’s not that close for only 3 weeks), but if forte can get more than 15.45 in 2nd half (it certainly doesn’t look that way) i’ll be 1-2. this is WITH pitta (only 1 good week). who’s pitta replacement for week 4
    daniels/miller/ASJ/reed/riveratolilo/fleener (obviously only if ASJ or reed play)?
    1A. cook seems better than these, when he comes off bye in week 5, sound right? later i can grab rudolph when healthy.
    2. different PPR league. lost rudolph. also have best team, even with rudolph whole year (not even 1 good game). basically same week 4 options. in both these leagues people basically must hoard TE, since i don’t have any of the better options other people do in their questions. miller/fleener/ASJ/tolilo/daniels. also in this league i can go cook after week 4, or just stream every week.
    3. standard league. owner refuses to not have 2 QB. have rudolph to drop. start 2 RB, 2 WR or TE, 1 WR/RB.
    bell (PIT)/spiller/ivory/hill/CJ?K
    so drop rudolph for any of mckinon/taliaferro/kelce/cook/royal?
    could also drop him for cousins/a.davis to see if either keep this up, and then drop one of romo/roethlisberger later.
    2. or drop either QB for cousins/a.davis right now, and drop rudolph for one of above?

    • Jay

      Jay says:

      @Cheese Eating Surrender Monkey: 1. Probably Miller there. Maybe Daniels. Eh. Miller.

      1A. Yeah, agreed.

      2. Stream until something sticks. I’d start with Miller.

      3. I’d like to take a chance on Royal there. I’m picking him up where ever I can. Hold on Cousins. Davis is an okay drop.

      • Cheese Eating Surrender Monkey says:

        @Jay: in 3. i don’t have a.davis, but i get the answer anyway, grab the other newest woodhead (royal), for dropping Rudolph. and go Miller in other two for this week.

  4. Zar says:

    COME ON JEFFREY! All I needed was 1 more reception for 7 yards and I coulda gotten my first win this year!

    I need some help Jay, I’m 0-3 and lost by 1.2 points this week. I got 1.9 points from Woodhead AND McKinnon, I have Deangelo Williams (ugh), Doug Martin (Ugh), and AP (UGH), I can trade Hartline, Greg Jennings, and maybe desean jackson. What tier of RB should I target? All the usual suspects are gone….

    • Jay

      Jay says:

      @Zar: SOOO GREEDY. But yeah, I lost to Scott Engel by 1 point tonight in an expert league. Jay Cutler vs. Chris Johnson will do that to ya.

      Too much UGH there, for sure. In a vacuum, Hartline or Jennings could maybe net a Toby Gerhart, not that I would recommend that… but you might have to trade Jackson to get some quality. If you do, I’d look at maybe a Zac Stacy there.

      • Zar says:

        @Jay: I think only fantasy football gives you such tiny rage inducing losses. No other game can 3 feet make you so mad.

        • Jay

          Jay says:

          @Zar: Yeah, it’s even more of a travesty when you realize that Ivory is on your bench…

          • Cheese Eating Surrender Monkey says:

            @Jay: what’s worse is if you started ivory (this didn’t happen to me, but could’ve) and for some reason the last drive of the game he gets benched for bilial?

  5. nyjacobs says:

    jay- is it ok to drop the 49ers or hold? do u like any other team long term, i.e.: chargers, detroit, steelers, etc… first year playing football just not sure if i should hold one team long term or go week by week and drop/pick up based on match ups. thoughts? thanks

    • Jay

      Jay says:

      @nyjacobs: Chargers have a lot of injuries, but I would certainly stream them this week. Honestly, you should be streaming defenses unless you have Seattle.

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