These are not your father’s Patriots. Mostly because they sucked more back then. But here in the 21st century, we are used to the Greatriots. Not so much anymore. More like the Mediocriots, amiright? Tom Brady, the Uggs Overlord himself, is ranked 30th in the league with just 5.54 yards per attempt, and has just completed 1 of his 13 attempts of 21 yards or longer downfield. While not exactly elite receivers, both Danny Amendola and Brandon Lafell have just four catches on the season. Sure, some of this probably has something to do with shoddy offensive line play and an ineffective running game, but at the end of the day, who cares? The sweet sweet schadenfreude is there for the taking. On the other side, you have an Andy Reid led Chiefs that has a defense regarded highly as the hottest garbage available at the moment. But good news, Jamaal Charles, through some medical miracle, is set to start tonight after tearing his ACL, receiving a leg contusion, suffering a high-ankle sprain. So that should be fun to watch.
Drinking Game
Note: I’ll be doing Kona Brewery Longboard for the beer portion, and Jameson for the shots portion.
Take one sip of beer if…
Alex Smith checks down.
Tom Brady acts like a total b*tch when someone touches him.
Gruden says something that is complete nonsense.
Bill Belichick causes you to experience an emotion.
Mike Tirico asks a question that nobody answers.
Jamaal Charles isn’t involved in the play but should have been.
Take one shot of liquor if…
Andy Reid calls a dumb timeout.
Aaron Hernandez is mentioned.
Danny Amendola or Rob Gronkowski gets injured.
Finish all the alchohal in your house if…
Danny Amendola AND Rob Gronkowski gets injured.
Totally Legitmate Game Prediction
Patriots –32 (Pairs of Uggs Tom Brady has bought this calender year.)
Chiefs – 31 (Timeouts Andy Reid will eat.)
PPR with .1 pt per return yard. this team is i think about to be top in pts and 4-0 (even without charles’s pts today). 2 RB/3 WR/ 1 TE no flex
luck (6th round, turning out to be whole story this team rules, i made fun of everybody when i got him in early 6th round)
charles/bell (PIT)/miller/ridley/d.will
brown/garcon/wayne/wright/j.jones (OAK)/shorts
owen d. (went him over miller this week, which did kill me in a different league, bad luck there)
1. shorts is the drop for t.will (somebody dropped t.will sat night), or d.robinson if i don’t get t.will?
2. drop d.will for any of rainey/mcfadden/blue/helu/a.williams/cadet/oliver/a.smith/jacquizz/reece (for some reason reece has a lot of projected by yahoo pts for ROS)
@Montezuma’s Revenge… right now: Yeah on 1. And I would drop for Andre Williams there for 2.
@Jay: ridley over all those others listed in 2 or no?
@Montezuma’s Revenge… right now: Yup.
Is that the Kool-Aid man!!!
Looking for some other opinions. Would you trade Jeffery for Ellington in a 12-team PPR? My other WRs are Edelman, Hawkins, Roddy White, John Brown, Justin Hunter and Josh Gordon. Or is Jeffery too much and I should offer White? I am light at RB with Forte, Bernard, Rainey, Jacquizz and Starks.
@malamoney: Sup Mal!
I’d offer White to be honest, it would be tough for me to trade Alshon.
@Jay: Yo!
Yeah, I’d rather not give up Alshon. Let’s see what he says about White. What’s your take on Oliver?
@malamoney: he’s vulture some volume, but Mathews is coming back in a few weeks, so probably just deep league value there.
Hey Jay,
I have both A Johnson & D Hopkins. I couldn’t bring myself to start Hopkins over Johnson, but now I’m thinking that’s exactly what I should do! Lost Pitta last week & wanted to know if selling low on Johnson was wise, say someone like Kelce, Donnel or Allen? My other WR’s are Jeffrey, Cooks & Benjamin.
Thanks!
@dhurm12: I’d still probably hold and stream TE’s. At least until he can build some value. I hate selling low on guys.
Would you rather have Larry Donnell or delanie walker?
@ADTrey: Walker.
@ADTrey: but it’s close.
Wow that Pats are terrible this year, like completely terrible.
So here’s the question…..Are the in fact a dumpster fire?
@Ralph Lifshitz: sure looks like it!
@Jay: Sorry about the comment double up. I’m sad, scared, confused, and drunk….
@Ralph Lifshitz: So basically my weekdays then…
@Jay: And now a bicycle jump narrated by an 11 year old to describe tonight’s game from a New Englanders perspective.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Ca6NY8ZokEU
@Ralph Lifshitz: Yup, pretty much.
Wow that Pats are terrible this year, like completely terrible.
So here’s the question…..Are they in fact a dumpster fire?
Have an offer of (his) M. Ball for (my) McCoy, straight up.
I know he’s getting the better end of the split here. I’m just sick of looking at McCoy’s face. Is this so terrible that I shouldn’t even think about it? At this point, I feel like Ball might outscore McCoy on the year anyway. I’m 4-0, no need to panic, so I can hold too if the deal is too lopsided.
@Nick: Well, if you owned Ball, you’d be sicking of looking at his face too. I’d hold, way too lopsided.
Tom Brady SUCKS SO HARD! Eli Manning, bortles, bridgewater, dalton or Palmer has got to be better options than Tom Tom at this point, do you agree?
@tone DEAF!: Yes on Dalton, iffy on Palmer, ugh on Manning, Bortles and Bridgewater, matchup plays… eh. Tom Brady is terrible right now (despite that garbage time TD just now), but no clear upgrade there.
@Jay: dah! I was afraid you would say that… I’m trying to trade for an upgrade. QB is my weakest link right now.
@tone DEAF!: I hear ya, but your best bet might have to be a trade.
Andre Johnson/Jordan Cameron/Doug Martin for kelvin Benjamin/demarco murray
@Myteamgar: Sure, if you’re getting Murray.
Josh gordon/Ellington/ for Andre Johnson/Montee ball
@Myteamgar: I’d want the Ellington side.
Sup Jay, 10team h2h. Please rank in order. McKinnon, Taliaferro, Gore, J. Bell, Vereen
Thank u
@740: Gore, Bell, Mck, Talia, Vereen, but they are all bunched pretty closely right now.
Trade Matt Ryan for Dez Bryant? I’m 4-0 in a PPR league and my WR are Alshon Jeffries, Pierre Garcon, and Victor Cruz and I’m a bit tired of watching either Cruz or Garcon crap the bed each week. Also, I have Andrew Luck so there’s that. Better to have QB depth or better to have a true #1 WR?
Thanks!
@Brian: I would in a heartbeat.
Thanks. Made the offer to the Tom Brady owner. He’s “mulling it over.” Hopefully in my favor!
@Brian: holy crap, you overspent on QB in preseason, now with 2 top 4 guys, either that or ryan fell way too low, and you’re in minority of league with a backup.
@Mordacious Levator: Well, if the Bryant offer goes through, totally worked out. Crazy stuff.
Got offered McCoy for my Bernard..No Brainer or real concern with McCoy being possibly injured or O Line problems?
@Bryan: Still a no brainer. I don’t think it’s injury, more offensive line. Teams have a way of fixing these issues… but it may take some time.
Thanks for the good read Jay!
Sorry for the long read here..
What are your thoughts on asiata?
I was offered CPatt but i’ve never been too high on him.
I could also trade asiata and khiry robinson for ellington.
Or hold?
I need a strong rb2
In a 16 team standard league
Qb:rivers
Wr: jeffrey
Wr: demariyous thomas(traded bush and fitz for him and marvin jones)
Rb: ball
Rb:asiata
Te: kelce
Flex: hopkins(traded k wright for him)
Bn:khiry
Bn: mckinnon(best case I trade asiata and mck earns the starting job?)
Bn: pierce
Bn:allen robinson
Bn:marvin jones
Bn: ladarius green
@Braun Weasleys: Yeah, I’d go for Ellington in this case. I think it certainly adds a good RB combo to your team.
@Jay:
Austin Ssferian Jenkins had a good week and had 7 targets. He’s played every snap and he is a beast. Ladarius green is also a beast but gates is ahead and he wont be passing anytime soon and is barely getting 25 snaps a game. Im currently starting kelce and am fine with him but who would you want for backup and a bye week filler? Thanks!
Being offered Aaron Rodgers and A.J. Green for Nick Foles, LeSean McCoy, and DeSean Jackson. I’m finding it very hard to turn it down with the way LeSean is playing.. so shady he’s almost irrelevant.. It would leave my RB1 Montee Ball and RB2 Bishop Sankey/Khiry Robinson/Andre Williams.. I don’t like the whole at RB2 I’d be left in but I think I might be able to move Antonio Gates and a WR for a RB somewhere. What do you think? It’s a 12team PPR league thanks sir!
@Jayrod Ceol: It’s fair… but I don’t like what it leaves you with at RB. I’d hold.
@Jay: How do you feel about Montee Ball or LeSean McCoy the rest of the year? I’m not to worried by any position right now, besides the one I felt most confident going into the year with. I agreed with all the ZERO RB STRATEGIES, but was passed an opportunity I didn’t expect with LeSean. I’m starting to panic at 1-3..
@Jayrod Ceol: Just bad oline play. I’m not concerned yet, and I don’t think Ball is close to him.
@Jay: I have both (Montee Ball keeper), so you don’t think Montee Ball is a good bet the rest of the way? Would be something you’d aim for. Like a RB that has surprised lately? LeVeon Bell?
@Jayrod Ceol: Naw, I’d rather have him be a RB2 than a RB1. I’m holding onto Shady.
After tonights game do you Still like Allen over Kelce, Miller, Donnell and Daniels?
@SMLV1: Kelce looked amazing. I hate to change my mind after one game, but I might have to. He’s certainly the hot add if he’s on the waiver, so for that reason, I’d probably buy.
That gif is amazing. You funny bastard, you!
@Kid A: Haha, thanks, but I can only take credit for finding that one.