Our football cuppeth runneth over…eth… I guess? With another Sunday in the books, Monday Night Football has arrived, just in time to give us a reason to drink for at least three hours tonight. Or maybe that’s just me. But it won’t be once this game gets started. While you could find reasons to support tonight’s affair being a trap game for the heavily favored Seahawks, I assure you, it would take a meteor dropping down in Landover, MD of epic dinosaur extinction proportions to affect the outcome of this game. And I hate to tell ya, but Bruce Willis is still alive and well. So, we must drink! Coming off a bye, the Seahawks have also won eight straight Monday night games and still have an elite defense that will face Kirk Cousins, who is coming off a career-high four interception game. Should be a mix better made for a Thursday Night Football game. Then again, as my Chargers proved, the Seahawks aren’t as dominating when outside the proximity of fish-throwers and Space Needles and smarmy coffee drinkers, but you’d have to think a functional defense would help here. Washington… does not have that.
Note: I’ll be doing Stella Artois for the beer portion, and Vodka for the shots portion.
Take one sip of beer if…
RG3’s injuries (knee or ankle) are mentioned in any context.
Kirk Cousins and the word “leader” or “leadership” are used in the same hot take.
Kirk Cousins totally whiffs on a receiver.
Pete Carroll acts like a douche. Take baby sips.
Any Washington D.C. monument is shown.
Take one shot of liquor if…
Jay Gruden looks clueless as to what is going on.
Russel Wilson bullsh*ts his way out of a sack.
The name change is brought up in any way, shape, or form.
Totally Legitmate Game Prediction
Seahawks – 49,684,651,648,965,416,514, and that’s just the first quarter.
Washington Football Team – 0. The amount of money that the public relations arm of the team has earned through their hard work.