Ah yes, so we meet again… wait, did we actually formally meet? I mean, technically we’re meeting again, we’ve done this before… but did we really meet? Of course I’m an existential crisis waiting to happen, but that’s only because clinical depression requires so much work. I mean, I’d rather jog than emo, ya know? But back to where we started, this is your (and “our” I suppose) official 2016 Razzball picks. Or selections. Or whatever nomenclature you prefer. I guess whatever it takes for me not to force you to read word “nomenclature” over and over again. We do this because, frankly, we just can’t write about everyone and everything that we love or hate. I mean, we’re talking about 1,696 players here. And so this is the quick and easy “viewer-friendly” version that allows you to quickly see our likes/dislikes/predictions for all of you to promptly point and giggle at…
Note: Everyone chose their picks blind, meaning they didn’t see anyone else’s choices, and possibly used a blindfold. Also, the choices were locked on 9/4/2016.
National League Football Picks
Fantasy Football Picks
Most Valuable Fantasy Player (MVP)
This is where things get sticky. (That’s what she said.) Technically, this could be the best player overall… but the key word here is value. You know this because I underlined it. While the vanilla pick of Antonio Brown could still technically be the most valuable pitcher at the end of the year, there’s still enough room in the definition to allow the possibility that JaMarcus Russell will come out of retirement (or from whatever all-you-can-eat restaurant of choice is), throw 30 touchdowns and over 3,000 yards. Seeing as his ownership rate historically always stood in the nothing-to-negative digits and still would upon his triumphant return, and someone like Brown is gone by the second overall pick in any normal draft, a performance like that would be the most valuable in the history of mankind. And probably destroy the universe as we know it.
Break Out Player of The Year (Sleeper)
You might think we’re describing someone who breaks through walls and then falls asleep really fast. Which seems weird. So I wouldn’t really put it past us… To limit the confusion, I’d better point out that these are our potential break out candidates that you should be grabbing long and grabbing hard.
Most Overrated Player of The Year (Bust)
These are the guys being held on a pedestals, who will, in return for all your worship and sacrifice, ruin everything thing you hold dear. See: 2014, Ball, Montee. Or 2015, Lacy, Eddie. Take heed Razzballers, avoid these guys at all costs.
I Think I Love You, So What Am I So Afraid Of? (Infatuation)
Yep, we all have one. Find out which player your Razzball writer has an undying love for, despite any rational reason or purpose.
Come Back Player of the Year (Come Back)
Again, pretty easy to figure out what this one means. Unless you’re Tiki Barber. BUUUUURN.
Rookie of the Year (RoY)
Sorta self-explanitory, but with the added notion that value plays a part here. It’s easy to pick Ezekiel Elliot, but you’re drafting him pretty high regardless. What happens if Dak Prescott goes HAM? YOU STAY AWAY JAMARCUS, THAT IS NOT WHAT YOU THINK IT MEANS. I’m just saying, there are Rookie of the Year’s, and then there are Rookie of the Year’s that help win you a championship by simply being awesome AND cheap. (Did I already use a “yo momma” joke? Doesn’t matter. Insert one here.)