WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Sorry, drinking has already started because today is the day. Today is the day football starts! Yeah, I know that you know, but I wanted you to know that I know because I now know that you know. And that’s when my computer exploded. Regardless, not only does the debut of football bring us, you know, football, I also get to debut my beloved Live Game Day Threads. A place where we can hang out, enjoy some memes, discuss the games in front of us, and hopefully learn something. Like in this case, what a Siemian is and what it can do. To be honest, I could tell you better what it could do if one of those vowels were dropped. Like, any of them. But yes, if the GIF above or the just stated close-but-not-so-close sexual innuendo didn’t give it away (or even the title!), our first game of the year features two teams that have a long and storied rivalry dating back to… uh, well, one game. But, to be fair, that game was the Super Bowl (50, or as the Romans would say “L”), a game in which the Broncos defense carried Peyton Manning to another title so he could retire knowing he had one more ring than Tavaris Jackson. It’s important to have goals folks. And while I’m amazed that the NFC South was able to produce a team that actually knew what it was doing last year, an entire offseason has passed since these two franchises met. Will there be a different outcome? Well, unless they’ve figure out how to stop Von Miller, I doubt it… but to be fair, if I still have a Cam Newton combined with the return of Kelvin Benjamin led by the distinguished gentleman known as Riverboat Ro, alln going against a quarterback I hadn’t heard about until a week ago, I’d say your chances to win are preeeetty gooood. Sorry, I’m at the elongated vowels stage of alcohol poisoning…
Our Week 1 Rankings can be found here!
By the Numbers
3: Super Bowl champions to open the following season with a different quarterback.
1: Time Super Bowl participants from a previous season have faced off in Week 1.
0.0: Passer rating of John Elway in his Sept. 4, 1983 debut at Pittsburgh.
30: Aqib Talib’s career interceptions, the most of any cornerback since he entered the NFL in 2008.
30: The amount of hay, in pounds, that John Elway eats at dinner time.
Take one sip of beer if…
Al Michaels says “YUUUUUUUUUGE” in any context.
You see a shameless plug for The New Celebrity Apprentice or any one of those stupid Chicago shows. How much sh*t could possibly be going on in Chicago?
Someone mentions Peyton Manning in any context. (Take baby sips.)
Trevor Siemian checks down. (Also, take baby sips.)
You yell an expletive at C.J. Anderson.
You wonder why anybody still thinks Gary Kubiak can still head coach at the NFL level.
Take one shot of liquor if…
You see a Superman celebration (either team).
Cris Collinsworth fellates a lineman.
You see John Elway neighing in the booth.
Bob Costas gets smarmy. Bonus shot if he’s wearing a sweater vest even though we’re still in (sorta) in late summer.
Totally Legitmate Game Prediction