Howdy folks. Its jaywrong and I’m feeling jayright. Why? Who knows? Could it be all the turkey slaughter that happened in my bowels? I’d bet so my readership. I’d bet so. DISCOUNT DOUBLE CHECK! Anyhow, let’s get right down to the business, because I’m going to have the ‘itis until Christmas.
GB – 10, NYG – 38
Prior to the start of the season, Clay Matthews presented the notion that the Giants did not beat the Packers so much as the Packers beat themselves in the playoffs last season in their one-and-done loss. I am riddled with sadness that Matthews was either too injured or or too busy filming Fathead commercials to take part in last night’s Green Bay collapse.
After starting 6-2 and appearing as though they were one of the league’s powerhouses and a repeat contender, the Giants promptly dropped two straight to AFC North teams going into the bye. Goofy theories of Eli having a “tired arm” were bandied about, but it just seems like the usual New York media malaise that happens in the middle of the season. But all was well in the Meadowlands, as Elisha and his Manningface proved victorious in what turned out to be a close 4-possession game.
More importantly, if you missed the big news last night, apparently 50 Cents is going to be on ‘The Voice’. I mean, who knew he was still relevant? I figure, in today’s market, with inflation, he’s gotta be only worth 4 cents at this point, amiright? Also, FCC regulations should force Papa Johns to give out an additional 2 million pizzas every time that commercial airs. But then he’ll have to raise the cost of all the other pizzas by .11 a pie and lay off 12,000 drivers, so there’s that pickle. Yes please, says Pizza the Hut. And you should be worried about Bill Pullman in ‘1600 Penn’, cause last time he was president, half the US got nuked.
Anyhow, after the half, the Packers gave up, and if millionaires don’t care, I sure as shoot don’t. BTW, This is Forty. This is me not going to see This is Forty.
Aaron Rodgers – Rodgers’ mustache declined the invitation to attend his screening of his name/school intro. He looked like he ate straight out of a chocolate fountain and is now the proud owner of a pretty sweet van. Even Mike McCarthy was rockin’ the dirt ‘stache! I guess because they are a perfect disguise accessory when scoping out middle-schools with Rob Ryan. Rodgers had a zesty discount doublepick and the rest was pretty meh. 14-25/219/1-1 with a 2/22/0 rushing performance.
Eli Manning – Mike McCarthy to Eli Manning; “Oh your offense is struggling? Allow us to fix that.” Has Eli ever thrown a perfect spiral, I mean, besides with a Nerf Vortex? Coughlin-– “Hey has anyone seen Eli?” Bradshaw-– “McCarthy lead him off somewhere while he was playing with his Transformers…” And you thought only Archie abused young Eli. 16-30/249/3-0.
Ahmad Bradshaw – Allen Iverson has approved your message on practice. 10/58/1.
Randall Cobb – Hahahaha, look at the Packers pretending they run the ball. That’s cute. 1/12/0 with a 4/39/0 on the receiving side of things.
Andre Brown – Raise your hand if you own Andre Brown. Now raise your middle finger towards that person if you don’t. Vulture down happened, and it always feels good when it does. 13/64/1.
Jordy Nelson – At 61-yards, it was a true gritdown that took place at the 11 minute mark of the 1st quarter. 2/71/1.
Hakeem Nicks – Got a Ed Hochuli booty call on a reviewed Elishadown, adding salt to the wound of an already widening lead. When you get scored upon by a buttocks, there is no hope left. ‘Nicks’ Left Buttock’– fantasy team name, or most fantasy team name? 5/77/1.
John Kuhn – Al Michael thought people called out ‘Kuuuuhn’ just because there are travelling Packers fans, totally ignoring the fact that everybody loves fat white fullbacks. Plus, 2 yard gains deserve a massive fan reaction, right? 4/17/0 and 3/49/0.
Jermichael Finley – “Jermichael Finley, Drop the Ball So Hard University”. 3/51/0.
Mason Crosby – Why did Crosby’s uniform have Cundiff’s name on it? 1-2 with 4 pts.
NYG DEF – Giants. Tackling. Learn it. 5 sacks and 1 int.
GB DEF – So I feel like I’m 4 years late saying this, but did A.J. Hawk cut his hair so less people would confuse him for Clay Matthews? Could he not grow it as long as Matthews? Or was there some litigation that went on for brand infringement? And does anyone wonder if sometimes when Raji’s looking at his teammates, they turn into big cartoon turkeys and hams? So many questions, to little motivation to research. Any hizzle, I’m pretty sure the GB DEF is who we thought they were. 1 sack, and that’s about all she wrote.
Thanks for all two of you joining me for this weeks SNF review. I’ll be sure see, or I guess, in this case, type in your general direction next week for the, oh god flex schedule, where you at for next Sunday’s Cowboy/Eagles derpkakke? Ack. Talk about an emo FML Facebook post…
