Ah yes, the magic of football has returned, with the season opener on SNFTNFNBC (I feel like I just mapped the genome with that acronym… or just entered in the Contra code). After seven long months of dealing in a world without football, now we get five months of unadulterated joy and happiness, or I guess depression if you are a Cleveland Browns fan. Which wouldn’t be much different than any other day in Cleveland I suppose.
HEY JACK, IT’S A FACT!
1 – PAPRIKA IS FOR MEN
2 – YOU BOOZE, YOU LOSE
E – RESPEK THE SUN
(.Y.) – AARON RODGERS IS A REAL FOOTBALL PLAYER
That being said, the Packers face the daunting task of going into the dreaded CenturyLink Field, where fans cheer really loud apparently and are almost too proud of it. Those hipsters, they were cheering so loud before it was cool. Pete Carroll also brings his gum-smacking Ric Flair impersonation to full bare on the sidelines. I mean, is this guy ever not chewing gum? What adult man chews gum? Someone give the guy a cigarette and get it over with…
By the Numbers
4,624 – The yards Marshawn Lynch has rushed for since 2010.
4,624 – The amount of Skittles I’ve probably eaten in my lifetime.
0 – The amount of healthy hips in Percy Harvin… potentially.
85 – Career high in receptions for Jordy Nelson in 2013.
0 – How many times Pete Carroll thinks 9/11 happened.
Note: I’ll be doing Kona Brewing Company’s Longboard Lager for the beer portion, and Jameson for the shots portion.
Take one sip of beer if…
The word “elite” is used.
Pete Carroll actually doesn’t look douchy.
Mike McCarthy calls a totally useless run play.
Someone says “Super Bowl hangover”.
You see the Space Needle.
Every time Russell Wilson bullsh*ts his way out of a sack.
Take one shot of liquor if…
Someone throws a fish at someone else.
Cris Collinsworth refers to any player as “Just an impressive young man”.
Bob Costas is wearing sweater vest.
Totally Legitmate Game Prediction
Seattle Seahawks – 64,891,651
Green Bay – 23