pete-carroll

Ah yes, the magic of football has returned, with the season opener on SNFTNFNBC (I feel like I just mapped the genome with that acronym… or just entered in the Contra code). After seven long months of dealing in a world without football, now we get five months of unadulterated joy and happiness, or I guess depression if you are a Cleveland Browns fan. Which wouldn’t be much different than any other day in Cleveland I suppose.

HEY JACK, IT’S A FACT!

1 – PAPRIKA IS FOR MEN

2 – YOU BOOZE, YOU LOSE

E – RESPEK THE SUN

(.Y.) – AARON RODGERS IS A REAL FOOTBALL PLAYER

That being said, the Packers face the daunting task of going into the dreaded CenturyLink Field, where fans cheer really loud apparently and are almost too proud of it. Those hipsters, they were cheering so loud before it was cool. Pete Carroll also brings his gum-smacking Ric Flair impersonation to full bare on the sidelines. I mean, is this guy ever not chewing gum? What adult man chews gum? Someone give the guy a cigarette and get it over with…

 

By the Numbers

5 – Consecutive losses by the Packers to the 49ers and Seahawks since the 2012 season.

4,624 – The yards Marshawn Lynch has rushed for since 2010.

4,624 – The amount of Skittles I’ve probably eaten in my lifetime.

0 – The amount of healthy hips in Percy Harvin… potentially.

85 – Career high in receptions for Jordy Nelson in 2013.

0 – How many times Pete Carroll thinks 9/11 happened.

 

Drinking Game

Note: I’ll be doing Kona Brewing Company’s Longboard Lager for the beer portion, and Jameson for the shots portion.

Take one sip of beer if…

The word “elite” is used.

Pete Carroll actually doesn’t look douchy.

Mike McCarthy calls a totally useless run play.

Someone says “Super Bowl hangover”.

You see the Space Needle.

Every time Russell Wilson bullsh*ts his way out of a sack.

Take one shot of liquor if…

Someone throws a fish at someone else.

Cris Collinsworth refers to any player as “Just an impressive young man”.

Bob Costas is wearing sweater vest.

 

Totally Legitmate Game Prediction

Seattle Seahawks – 64,891,651

Green Bay – 23

  1. Nathan says:
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    I had that exact same prediction!

  2. FredWord

    MikeZunino'sBestFriend says:
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    Start Cobb or Percy ppr league?

    • Jay

      Jay says:
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      Cobb.

  3. Manny Aybar says:
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    So looks like Josh Gordon could play this year because of a potential new drug policy. If/when he comes back, how many games you think he’ll play? Would you drop Greg Jennings or Andre Williams for him just in case?

    • Jay

      Jay says:
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      Maybe Williams, but I’m not holding my breath.

  4. Hans says:
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    Jay, would you drop Hunter or Mathews for Gordon?

    • Jay

      Jay says:
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      @Hans: Probably Matthews… but I want to hear more on Gordon.

  5. A Wesley Snipes Life says:
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    james white/knile/cunningham over mcfadden? PPR.

    • A Wesley Snipes Life says:
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      @A Wesley Snipes Life: or dwyer, i’m hearing ellington might be hurt already.

      • Jay

        Jay says:
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        @A Wesley Snipes Life: I’m holding, but yeah, Ellington gettinf nicked surprises no one.

        • A Wesley Snipes Life says:
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          @Jay: in a different league grabbed (and SUS can be stashed in NFL.com leagues, HA!) Gordon, dropped Baldwin, grab which of these while waiting to see if i can grab starks for this roster spot (have to wait till the 10th for that)
          floyd/cotchery/washington/gibson/givens/m.austin?
          2. reaquire Baldwin if i don’t get Starks? this is either 6th WR or 7th RB, and i can only start 2 RB per week, and 3 WR only as well. i’ve heard Floyd looked good in camp. projections say go back to Baldwin here. have streater/wayne/stills/garcon/julio

          • Jay

            Jay says:
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            @A Wesley Snipes Life: Floyd, before he gets injured. Yeah, Baldwin is okay. Starks is just sorta-kinda there, he doesn’t really do anything.

  6. SMLV1 says:
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    Drop Sankey or Moreno to gamble on Gordon? Could also drop K. Wright or R. Wayne

    • Jay

      Jay says:
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      @SMLV1: Sankey or Moreno… maybe. But Wayne or Wright? No, and it’s not close at all…

  7. SMLV1 says:
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    Drop McManus for him and add Walsh if the New drug policy doesn’t get done by Sunday?

    • Jay

      Jay says:
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      @SMLV1: Yeah, I’m okay with that.

  8. SMLV1 says:
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    Also do I even have a shot at winning this Week?

    My Team –

    Ryan
    J. Nelson – 8.30 Pts
    A. Johnson
    V. Cruz
    Lacy – 4.50 pts
    Stacy
    Reed
    McManus
    STL DEF

    Opponent –

    Foles
    A. Brown
    D. Jackson
    E. Decker
    M. Lynch – 24.40 pts
    D. Martin
    Z. Ertz
    Novak
    ARI DEF

    Standard Redraft league…..Thanks Jay!

    • Jay

      Jay says:
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      @SMLV1: Uh, well, it’s not a good start, but it’s just one game. Let’s see how Sunday plays out.

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