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Hey, did you know Peyton Manning was once the quarterback for the Indianapolis Colts? Pray tell! While Manning’s first game against his former team was heralded as an “emotional” return because of all those years he worked to bring the Colts as many Super Bowl Championships that Tavaris Jackson has, this Sunday Night match-up will feel a little bit different. Mostly because the man (Jim Irsay) who created such a sentimental treatment in the last match-up is on a short Roger Goodell imposed time-out. (Since it’s not like he beat up a woman or something like that.) And Wes Welker, arguably not one of this best receivers, is hanging out with some woman named Molly.

 

By The Numbers

9 – Years left before Peyton Manning controls the food supply in Denver with Papa John’s.

28 – The amount of points Andrew Luck and the Colts overcame to beat the Kansas City Chiefs in last season’s play-offs. Just thought all non-KC fans needed to know that one.

1 – The amount of Buicks Peyton Manning owns or needs, because of that forehead space.

Peyton-Buick-Verano-ad

 

Drinking Game

Note: I’ll be doing Dogfish Head’s Namaste for the beer portion, and Jameson for the shots portion.

Take one sip of beer if…

Peyton Manning does Manningface. (Take baby sips.)

Cris Collinsworth says something about a lineman that makes you think he wants to go down on him.

During every shameless plug for NBC’s sh*tty shows.

Whenever anyone mentions Peyton Manning when he played for the Colts.

Take one shot of liquor if…

Bob Costas does or says something smarmy. Or just looks it.

You see John Elway neighing in the booth.

You confuse Andrew Luck’s mouthpiece for a big orange peel.

 

Totally Legitmate Game Prediction

Colts – 500,000 (in the form of a Jim Irsay check.)

Broncos – 18 strong-browed Manningfaces and 11 Papa John’s pizzas.

  1. Hi says:
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    Hello.

    Please don’t use an apostrophe in the middle of a word. When trying to denote possession from a word that is already plural, you simply place the apostrophe after the word. It is never “Colt’s.” It would be “Colts’.”

    • Jay

      Jay says:
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      @Hi: Good find. Out of the 141 times it was typed out, you found the one time it was incorrect.

    • Mike says:
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      Hi, the dude spits out like a dozen entertaining and informative fantasy articles for you each week, to read or not at your leisure. For free. Don’t be a d’ouche.

      • Jay

        Jay says:
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        @Mike: It’s true, I really spit this stuff out. My laptop hates the ef out of me though. (Thanks!)

  2. AJ says:
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    Annnd the Douche with Lame name (Hi) talks smack ,..straight comedy LOL….anywayz would you drop any of these cats for Knowshon & Sproles…..Dereck Carr/Terrence Willimas/Pierre Thomas all riding bench right now….thanks

    • Jay

      Jay says:
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      @AJ: Probably Carr for Knowshon at this point. I’m okay with Williams for Sproles, depending on your roster.

  3. Dave says:
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    I need like 10-15 more points (PPR) outta Demaryius in the 2nd half to have a chance. Any hope??

    • Jay

      Jay says:
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      @Dave: Oh totally.

  4. bertchr22 says:
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    I’m pretty sure Collinsworth is having a forgy with Louis Vasquez, Manny Ramirez, and Ryan Clady right about now.

    Urban Dictionary:
    Forgy-
    An orgy with four people. It is a combination of the words “four” and “orgy.”
    Rob: “Did you have the sex last night with your girlfriend?”
    Westley: “Dude, my girlfriend and I hooked up with another couple. We totally had a forgy!”

    Collinsworth is Vazquez’ (apostrophe in the right place, hi?) girlfriend and Ramirez and Clady are the other couple. This didn’t actually happen, but this is Collinsworth’s nightly fantasy, while staring at his Denver lineman poster.

    http://broncotalk.net/wordpress/wp-content/uploads/2012/06/610×2-500×332.jpg

    “look at those butts, if only I could be that grass” – Cris Collinsworth

    • Jay

      Jay says:
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      @bertchr22: I would agree with this assessment.

      • bertchr22 says:
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        @Jay:

        lol. Seriously though, it enrages me when these guys go out of there way to remind us how important lineman are. It’s like we get it, lineman are important, but they’re not on my fantasy team. They are always trying to shove it down our throats — that’s what she (Collinsworth) said when asked about his dinner with the Broncos lineman.

        Gruden is just as bad. He called dibs on Manny Ramirez with that nonsense Gruden Grinder last season.

        • Jay

          Jay says:
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          @bertchr22: Cris just loves his lineman. A little too much… he get’s wild if B.J. Raji is around, that’s for sure.

    • bertchr22 says:
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      “Hey Collinsworth! Smell my fingers” – Peyton Manning

      Collinsworth: “Can I, really?”

      • Jay

        Jay says:
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        @bertchr22: we are getting into Peter King territory now…

        • bertchr22 says:
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          @Jay:

          If it were King, that would be his conversation with Gisele, after a night with Brady.

  5. Shane says:
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    Oh boy, the Manningfaces. Lost count around 20. Knew I shouldn’t have played with a beer that had “Imperial” in the title. Thanks for a series of great articles this weekend!

    • Jay

      Jay says:
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      @Shane: Thanks for stopping by!

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