In what is probably one of the most anticipated match-ups involving teams that made the playoffs last season, the Seahawks travel to the legendary (ALLEGEDLY) Lambeau Field, made famous in history because of an old white dude who waxed poetic war metaphors into sweet Twitter like statements about football and wore a Fedora dominated a league that had a total of like three teams. But, to be fair, at least the Packers have a long and, well, we’ll call it robust, they have a robust football history. The Seahawks have had a Super Bowl stolen from them, a terrifically easy and boring Super Bowl win over the Broncos, and then the tainting of that win with a redzone disaster against the Patriots in last year’s Super Bowl. Matt Hasselbeck is mixed in a bunch in there too. All in about 15 minutes time, contextually speaking. Thus enters our game for Sunday Night Football, a newly-storied franchise, trying desperately to defend the right’s of rich hipsters everywhere (they just want an unlimited selection of microbrew and kale chips maaaaaaaan), going against an old school franchise that’s owned by the cheese-riddled blue collar people of the Midwest (all three of them), led by a coach, in Mike McCarthy, that will stop at nothing to make Aaron Rodgers as irrelevant as he can while kicking as many field goals as he can. Should be fun guys!
By the Numbers
HEY JACK, IT’S A FACT!
1 – PAPRIKA IS FOR MEN
2 – YOU BOOZE, YOU LOSE
E – RESPEK THE SUN
(.Y.) – AARON RODGERS IS A REAL FOOTBALL PLAYER
8 – The number of months since last year’s NFC Championship game between these two teams.
9 – The number of Packers wins at Lambeau Field in 2014 (including playoffs).
28 – Touchdowns thrown in those nine wins at home by Aaron Rodgers
3.11 – Aaron Rodgers TD’s thrown at home last season (28), divided by the number of Packers wins at Lambeau during the same season (9). 3.11 is super close to 3.14. 3.14 is called pie in mathmatics. Mike McCarthy looks like he eats a lot of pie. HALF-LIFE 3 CONFIRMED.
Take one sip of beer if…
The word “elite” is used.
Pete Carroll actually doesn’t look douchy.
Pete Carroll acts like a douche. Take baby sips.
Mike McCarthy calls a totally useless run play.
Someone says “Super Bowl hangover”.
Every time Russell Wilson bullsh*ts his way out of a sack.
Eddie Lacy should have gotten the ball instead of whoever did.
Take one shot of liquor if…
Cris Collinsworth refers to any player as “Just an impressive young man”.
Mike McCarthy calls a completely stupid run play.
They show a close up of Clay Matthews hair.
You see Clay Matthews and think someone should just cut his hair.
There is any mention of Brett Favre.
Totally Legitimate Game Prediction
Seahawks – 0 (The number of pass plays that Pete Carroll will call at the goal line.)
Packers – 9 (All field goals. Mike McCarthy sponsored this message.)