In what is probably one of the most anticipated match-ups involving teams that made the playoffs last season, the Seahawks travel to the legendary (ALLEGEDLY) Lambeau Field, made famous in history because of an old white dude who waxed poetic war metaphors into sweet Twitter like statements about football and wore a Fedora dominated a league that had a total of like three teams. But, to be fair, at least the Packers have a long and, well, we’ll call it robust, they have a robust football history. The Seahawks have had a Super Bowl stolen from them, a terrifically easy and boring Super Bowl win over the Broncos, and then the tainting of that win with a redzone disaster against the Patriots in last year’s Super Bowl. Matt Hasselbeck is mixed in a bunch in there too. All in about 15 minutes time, contextually speaking. Thus enters our game for Sunday Night Football, a newly-storied franchise, trying desperately to defend the right’s of rich hipsters everywhere (they just want an unlimited selection of microbrew and kale chips maaaaaaaan), going against an old school franchise that’s owned by the cheese-riddled blue collar people of the Midwest (all three of them), led by a coach, in Mike McCarthy, that will stop at nothing to make Aaron Rodgers as irrelevant as he can while kicking as many field goals as he can. Should be fun guys!

 

By the Numbers

relaxarw5

HEY JACK, IT’S A FACT!

1 – PAPRIKA IS FOR MEN

2 – YOU BOOZE, YOU LOSE

E – RESPEK THE SUN

(.Y.) – AARON RODGERS IS A REAL FOOTBALL PLAYER

8 – The number of months since last year’s NFC Championship game between these two teams.

9 – The number of Packers wins at Lambeau Field in 2014 (including playoffs).

28 – Touchdowns thrown in those nine wins at home by Aaron Rodgers

3.11Aaron Rodgers TD’s thrown at home last season (28), divided by the number of Packers wins at Lambeau during the same season (9). 3.11 is super close to 3.14. 3.14 is called pie in mathmatics. Mike McCarthy looks like he eats a lot of pie. HALF-LIFE 3 CONFIRMED.

 

Drinking Game

Take one sip of beer if…

The word “elite” is used.

Pete Carroll actually doesn’t look douchy.

Pete Carroll acts like a douche. Take baby sips.

Mike McCarthy calls a totally useless run play.

Someone says “Super Bowl hangover”.

Every time Russell Wilson bullsh*ts his way out of a sack.

Eddie Lacy should have gotten the ball instead of whoever did.

Take one shot of liquor if…

Cris Collinsworth refers to any player as “Just an impressive young man”.

Mike McCarthy calls a completely stupid run play.

They show a close up of Clay Matthews hair.

You see Clay Matthews and think someone should just cut his hair.

There is any mention of Brett Favre.

 

Totally Legitimate Game Prediction

Someone give the guy a cigarette and get it over with…

Someone give the guy a cigarette and get it over with…

Seahawks – 0 (The number of pass plays that Pete Carroll will call at the goal line.)

Packers – 9 (All field goals. Mike McCarthy sponsored this message.)

 

 

  1. Joel says:
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    Should I trade Abdullah and D. Johnson (ARZ) for Alshon, Crowell, and Spiller? 12 Teamer. Or would Alshon and Woodhead be better for me?(Not sure if he would do the 2nd one but I could counter with it.)

    • Jay

      Jay says:
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      I’d hold for the moment. The Alshon thing is such an unknown right now.

    • Mordacious Levator says:
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      @Joel: wow, alshon’s stock sure has fallen, just like 10 days ago anybody would’ve spit in your face for even offering abdullah + d.johnson for JUST alshon.
      he’s apparently fallen as low as the racist tiger Shoshon
      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d9DajKjOr4M

      • Jay

        Jay says:
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        @Mordacious Levator: I mean, I would love this trade, but Abdullah and Johnson are probably more useful right now just because I don’t know what’s wrong with Alshon. It’s just giving me some pause.

        • Mordacious Levator says:
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          @Jay: i wasn’t disputing your opinion on it, just crazy how much alshon’s value has moved with injury/cutler injury/general awfulness of CHI. This was a guy drafted pretty much 2nd round everywhere.

          • Jay

            Jay says:
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            @Mordacious Levator: Oh yeah, I totally didn’t take it like that. I just was surprised when I thought about it myself.

  2. Dave says:
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    Is this for real with Dion Lewis? Or will we get Belicheck’d and have Blount take all the snaps next week.

    • Jay

      Jay says:
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      @Dave: He’s going to wait until we buy in, THEN BAM, we’re fucked.

      • Mordacious Levator says:
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        @Jay: yep, first time i’ll start dion is next week (in standards), i’m waiting for the floor to hit the other shoe here.

  3. Dom B says:
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    Okay so I have tony romo and Eli Manning and Tony is out for several weeks. Should I drop Tony Romo or stash him and should I ride out on Eli Manning or should I add a quarterback from waiver, Available QBs Colin Kapernick, Derek Carr, Tyrod Taylor, Blake Bortles, Andy Dalton, Jameis Winston, Ryan Mallet, Teddy Bridgewater, Marcus Mariota, Johnny Manziel, Kirk Cousins, Nick Foles, and Jay Cutler Who do I drop if I pick one up…. ALSO is Jason Witten still a TE 1 with Weeden. Here is my roster

    QB Tony Romo
    RB Leveon Bell
    RB Jonathan Stewart
    WR Julio Jones
    WR AJ Green
    TE Jason Witten
    Flex Latavius Murray
    K STEVE HAUSCHKA
    DEF RAVENS
    Bench
    QB ELI MANNING
    WR KEENAN ALLEN
    RB GIO BERNARD
    WR JOHN BROWN
    WR STEVE SMITH
    RB lagarette blount

    • Jay

      Jay says:
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      @Dom B: Well, hold for now, more concrete news will come out tomorrow, but I think you should consider streaming, because that group is going to have it’s off days.

  4. Dom B says:
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    Also is Jason Witten A TE 1

    • Jay

      Jay says:
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      @Dom B: Probably, but there’s a slight downgrade there.

  5. Adam

    Adam says:
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    Hey Jay, I was offered CJ Anderson and Hillman for my Lamar Miller and Sproles. Pull the trigger?

    Thanks in advance

    • Jay

      Jay says:
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      @Adam: Tough one, I’m really tempted to, but I’d hold. A lot of unknowns here.

      • Adam

        Adam says:
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        @Jay: If it helps, I have Leveon as my #1 back, makes me a little more tempted to take the risk

        • Jay

          Jay says:
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          @Adam: Yeah, then I’m okay with it if you have the depth here.

  6. Dom B says:
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    Do you think I can win I have steven HAUSCHKA for the rest of the game and I am losing by 9 and he has James jones

    • Mordacious Levator says:
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      @Dom B: is 6% a number you wanted to hear? maybe worse as aren’t you down by like 17 now (i’m saying this before a 2nd jones TD)

    • Jay

      Jay says:
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      @Dom B: Yeah, this isn’t looking good.

  7. Money Mike says:
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    Hey Jay,
    A frustrated owner offered me DeMarco Murray for my Shane Vereen and Sammy Watkins. It’s a 12 team PPR league, any thoughts? Thanks

    • Jay

      Jay says:
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      @Money Mike: I’d do it. I don’t like Murray right now, but he’s a good target with that price.

  8. Mike says:
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    Traded Ameer Abdullah (3) for Mike Evans (5) in my .5ppr dynasty league. We start 2qb,3wr,2rb,1te,1flex. My lineup is
    Qb1Cam
    Qb2Kaep
    Wr1AJ
    Wr2Hopkins
    Wr3Keenan Allen
    Rb1Charles
    Rb2Lamar miller
    TE Kelce
    Flex-Evans
    Bench.. Spiller, Boldin, ASJ, Manziel, daVante Parker, Christine Michael
    Like the trade for me?

    Bench… Do you like it for me?

    • Jay

      Jay says:
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      @Mike: Yeah, a good trade.

  9. Mobin Couldn't Hack It says:
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    2 QB dynasty with .5 PPR and 4 flex IDP’s (so all LB’s). 2 flexes (could be TE), 3 WR, 2 RB
    rodgers/p.manning/taylor/mallett
    forte/ivory/woodhead/j.bell/k.davis
    edelman/k.allen/mike floyd (yuck, but dynasty, can’t really drop)/cruz/d-jax (very banged up team)
    J.Thomas/Ertz
    IR J.Nelson
    lambo
    CAR D
    IDP – david/collins/ogletree/d.jackson/levy
    Waivers are every day, so drop J.Bell for Starks or hold? And if grab how much out of the 89 left from 100 should i use? Being dynasty it might be a hold of course. Mason is also recently dropped.

  10. Clint says:
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    So, I noticed Twitter was noticeably devoid of a certain Seahawk-lovin’ trash talker last night. Shame because I was looking forward to the emotional swings of ‘Sherman is an elder god’ to ‘Sherman sucks my balls worse than Lena Dunham’ tweets going back & forth during the whole game. Did he wake up hiding in a closet from the fact his awesome ‘Hawks are now a mighty 0-2 or something? I need his manic depressive-ness to get me through a game like that :)

Comments are closed.