I talked about this on the pod a little bit, but when you look at this game, you really wonder why the hell it’s in prime time. Sure, several months ago, this might have looked good on paper… maybe? I don’t blame Jay Cutler as much as Bears fans do, Alshon Jeffery is a lot of star power… but there’s not much else there that your general football fan might recognize. And the Cowboys? Yeah, they usually anchor any prime time game with Bryant, Romo, and Witten… yeah, the match-up would have made some sense if you squinted really hard… but boy, now that we’re here… Wow. Jay Cutler is doubtful for the game, leaving us in the derpiest of all time periods: “Hoyer Time”. Jeremy Langford is not who we thought he was, and even over on the Cowboys side, Tony Romo is out (for his career, if we care about his future aspects to live the rest of his life in a healthy fashion), leaving something called Dak in charger. Ezekial Elliot is suffering from some rookie over-hype (made of phrase, I’m sure), and Jason Garrett is still head coach. I’m sorry, why are we watching this game tonight?
Take one sip of your drink if…
The camera shows Tony Romo sitting on the bench causally watching the jumbotron.
NBC shows a promo for that stupid show about a tatoo’d woman, or for any of their “Chicago” shows. All 213 of them.
Cris Collinsworth fellates a lineman.
Jason Garrett calls a dumb toss, reverse, or draw on a 3rd-and-five or more.
Brian Hoyer runs for his life and then makes a hasty decision.
Al Michaels says “YUUUUUUUUUGE” in any context.
Finish your drink if…
Jerry Jones is seen in the booth with a surly look.
Bob Costas gets smarmy. Finish another drink if he’s wearing a sweater vest.
You get really confused why they keep showing this old white guy on the sideline, and then remember that Lovie Smith isn’t the coach anymore.
Totally Legitimate Game Prediction
Bears – 0 (That may look like a zero, but it’s really the “o” in between LOL.)
Cowboys – 27 (The amount of Daks it takes to make it to the center. I don’t know what that means.)