johnbrowntdcel

Real question, is this the first Sunday Night Football game of the week, or is this the second? True, I believe you could technically call the game a few days ago Thursday Night Football, because, you know, the game was on Thursday. But we didn’t get the “NFL/CBS” production, a combination that I still believe is the end of the world as we know it. Trust me, every time I see Phil Simms open his mouth at Jim Nantz’s bidding, tell me you don’t see visions of a huge asteroid hitting the earth… I sure do. Then again, you could probably consider it a blessing in that situation. Regardless, we got the NBC production crew, and I’m actually trying to recall how they addressed themselves on that day. I’m sure they called it Thursday Night Football, but I don’t really have any recollection. It could be because Cris Collinsworth causes me to go into a medically-induced coma whenever he starts talking about his loving relationship with offensive lineman. WE GET IT CRIS, YOU’RE IN LOVE. KISS ALREADY. But at this point, I think it’s safe to say that I was able to fill enough space in the lede without talking about the actual game, because honestly, there is no Tom Brady and Rob Gronkowski, and it’s at Arizona. I’m pretty sure I know how this going to go…

 

By the Numberstbo4m94rcf3cfugodjq6

55 – Road wins since 2006, Pats road record of 55-25 is best in the NFL during that span.

83 – Road wins by NE since 2000, tops in the NFL, Philadelphia is second with 78.

31 – Wins on opening day by the Patriots, with an overall record of 31-25.

0 – The number of wins that the above number will reset to after tonight.

 

Drinking Game

5-bill-belichick-party-gif

Take one sip of beer if…

Bill Belichick causes you to experience an emotion.

Fog starts to come out of Cris Collinsworth’s mouth.

Tom Brady is mentioned in any context. (Take baby sips.)

Bob Costas pisses you off.

Al Michaels says “YUUUUUUUUUGE” in any context.

You see a shameless ad for Timeless or any one of those redundant Chicago shows. CHICAGO TAXIDERMIST. CHICAGO DOG-CATCHER.

Finish your drink if…

They show a time-lapse of Arizona Stadium retracting the grass field.

Cris Collinsworth fellates a lineman.

Jimmy Garoppolo is compared to Tom Brady.

 

Totally Legitmate Game Prediction

bradee
Patriots – 0 (BECAUSE WHY NOT PATRIOTS FANS. COME AT ME.)

Cardinals – 33 (Also, the number of injuries Carson Palmer suffers, on average, per five minutes.)

 

 

  1. Zach

    Zach says:
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    Definitely not 0 points. C’mon Jason!!!!

    Game is going to be close. Pats will dictate the game and tempo, and when he needs to the most, Palmer will let the Cardinals down again….

    • Jay

      Jay says:
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      @Zach: This game will not be close. C’mon man.

    • Joey Jo Jo Jr Shabadoo says:
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      @Zach: palmer’s finger doesn’t appear to be healthy still.

  2. Joey Jo Jo Jr Shabadoo says:
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    i don’t know anything about college football (do pay attention to rookies after they are drafted and draft grades, all that), so did edelman just say he came from the “imagination station”? is that a football college, sounds more like a clown college.
    we’ve been holding him back if we thought he went somewhere else

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XyxvX1N9Tdg

    • Jay

      Jay says:
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      @Joey Jo Jo Jr Shabadoo: I’m sure he was being literal and I’m sure it doesn’t exist. Haha.

      • Jay

        Jay says:
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        @Zach: I’d give the same answer.

  3. William Hung says:
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    Am I the only non-razz writer posting on these posts today?

    • Jay

      Jay says:
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      @William Hung: Joey doesn’t write for us. As a Patriots fan, I’m not sure Zach should write for us.

      • William Hung says:
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        @Jay: hahaha true. I hope you remind him of how awesome David Tyree is every time you talk to him

    • Joey Jo Jo Jr Shabadoo says:
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      @William Hung: almost.

  4. Matt Chamberlain says:
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    I had a weak core at WR in a league and lost Allen, my only good one. It’s a 12 team 3 WR standard league no flex. After losing Allen I’m left with Sanders, Parker, Doctson, Coates, Boyd. Absolutely terrible.

    Who is the pickup: Pryor, Cruz, that Chargers WR, Dorsett, Garcon, Amendola? Or anyone else less known? I’m screwe, right?

    • Jay

      Jay says:
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      @Matt Chamberlain: I think out of those guys, Pryor is intriguing. Try him out. I’ll have more on the injury tomorrow, but you might need to swing a trade. This injury hurt a lot of people…

      • Matt Chamberlain says:
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        @Jay: Thanks, I’d actually like Pryor a lot except Gordon coming back crowds the field quite a bit.

        Look forward to reading your thoughts.

        • Jay

          Jay says:
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          @Matt Chamberlain: I actually agree with that, but your list of available guys was kind of depressing.

          • Mantis Toboggan MD says:
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            @Jay: dorsett.

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