Riverboat Ron

The Panthers? In prime time? WEIRD. I had just assumed that any prime time game featuring an AFC South team would be a battle between the Saints and the Saints. Unless those Saints were going against the Falcons. (Note: This does not include Thursday Night Football, which airs the Texans more times per year than the amount of Texans fans total), but lo and behold, the Panthers, sitting at a surprising 5-0 record and holding sole-ownership of the previously mentioned NFC South (which you could normally do with a 2-4 record in past years), Carolina will be hosting the very-innovative-except-when-they-aren’t-innovative Philadelphia Eagles. After a rough start to the season, the Eagles have rebounded somewhat, not by their own accord mind you, they’ve only rebounded because the Cowboys best players died earlier in the season and Washington and the Giants are doing their best impressions of themselves. It could have something to do with trading everyone away twice and then putting Sam Bradford at your quarterback position, but I’m just an innovative writer. Not so much an innovative coach…

 

By the Numbers

chipkellytongue

2003 – The only other year the Panthers started the season 5-0. They went to the Super Bowl that year.

55.4Cam Newton’s completion percentage, ranked 33 of 34 qualifying quarterbacks. There are 32 teams in the league…

334.2 – Average total yards of offense by the Panthers, ranked 28th in the league.

334.2 – On a scale of 1-10, how racist Riley Cooper is.

 

Drinking Game

ronriverariver

Take one sip of beer if…

You see a Panthers’ defender confused (ex: waving arms around) at the Eagles offense.

Al Michaels says “YUUUUUUUUUGE” in any context.

You see a shameless plug for Blindspot or Heroes.

The Eagles are on offense and the play clock somehow gets under 10 seconds.

Sam Bradford over or under-throws a receiver, including his running backs. (Double sip if it bounces before reaching said receiver.)

Take one shot of liquor if…

Chip Kelly and “innovative” are mentioned in the same sentence.

You see a Superman celebration (either team).

Cris Collinsworth fellates a lineman.

Bob Costas gets smarmy.

 

Totally Legitmate Game Prediction

hPVCDoN

Eagles – 14 (Also the number of Sam Bradford turnovers.)

Panthers – 28 (Also the number of Sam Bradford incompletions.)

 

 

  1. Dom B says:
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    Ok so I have Steve Smith, John Brown, and Johnathan Stewart and I’m losing by 22 who has the greatest chance at my flex to get me the win.

    • Jay

      Jay says:
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      @Dom B: Eesh. I’d say ceiling is Stewart, floor is Smith. It’s gonna be close Dom, but I’m leaning JStew here.

  2. Dom B says:
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    I feel like Smith will be covered really good by Patrick Peterson, but J stew has only had 1 good game… Aghhh Is Eagles D good against the run

    • Jay

      Jay says:
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      @Dom B: Honestly, it’s a real tough decision man. Good luck though!

  3. Fizz says:
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    Would you trade alfred morris for ellington? Its a standard league and my other running backs are forte, hyde, coleman, and r. Mathews

    • Jay

      Jay says:
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      @Fizz: Yeah, that sounds fair.

  4. Johnny Boy says:
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    Got offered Luck for Roethlisberger straight up, should I pull the trigger?

    • Jay

      Jay says:
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      @Johnny Boy: I’m not so sure. Something is off with him right now.

      • I got $100 for groceries, $1400 for liquor, and $6,000 for you to bail a couple of shit puppets out of jail says:
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        @Jay: but at least the volume is back, he’s scored just over 43 in a league with 6 pt bonus for 300+ yds passing 2 str weeks. Last week i bitched right before last drive about how bad he was, then won only since i played him ove r Bortles, barely. I would’ve lost by exactly 1 pt had i played Bortles last week.

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