I’ve been patiently waiting to blow. Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to the Tehol Beddict show. Greetings! I had to take a two week sabbatical to put in major work on my favorite charitable cause, “Beddict’s Single Mothers Project.” This charity was founded by myself, Tehol Beddict, in Jaunary of 2007 and takes aim at really solidifying the home life of abandoned or widowed mothers. The inspiration for this incredibly rewarding project came from none other than my idol/role model, Ernie McCracken, and his “Fatherless Family” sponsorship program. I devote a full 24 hours to single mothers that are deemed “worthy” by my assistants. By allowing them to make me 3 full meals with dessert plus two pipings and a tossed salad, they get to feel alive and appreciated again, helping them breakout of their funk and letting them live life to the fullest again. I’ve found that blowing these women’s backs out truly helps them become better mothers and for that I’m thankful. On NFL Sundays, doggystyle is a must, so you can both watch the game. I wasn’t the only prime-time performer on Sunday though guys. Alshon Jeffery, Josh Gordon, and Erik Decker also went balls deep on the opposition. Were you lucky enough to have one of these legends? Did anyone have all 3? If so I need to hear about it in the comment section. For those of you wishing to donate money to my “Beddict’s Singe Mothers Project,” please DM me on Twitter and we can work something out on paypal. Thank you so much. Now let’s get to what I witnessed last weekend. Take Heed!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Greetings! Tis I, your servant, Tehol Beddict, here to talk some fantasy football and stimulate your minds. It seemed like Alshon Jeffery was untouched during the Bears losing effort against the Saints of New Orleans. I know what you’re thinking: ” Tehol, an attractive young man not being “touched” by a “Saint” is an oxymoron!” I know this to be true. I’ve dug oh so deep into the dark, crusty annals of our worlds history, and rarely have I read about a supposed “Saint” that wasn’t either a sexual deviant or just a disgracefully foul human being in general. If you doubt me, send your boys to Sunday school with no parental vision, just make sure they wear a wire. Does anyone even read my column? After this opening I’m guessing my readers just went from 2 to zero. Sky don’t edit this or I’ll show up at your front door with Bishop Eddie Long in tow, and you know what that means: A nice friendly game of “Butts Up.” Anyway, I know Jeffery didn’t follow up his record breaking performance this week with anything special, but the fact remains he is now heavily targeted and was missed on a few bombs last night against the Giants. This young bull has undoubtedly been blessed by the Elder God’s with immense size, talent, and stature. I can only imagine what he’s packin and I’m not speaking of weaponry. Although I suppose that could be considered weaponry as I’m sure it’s deadly when he uses it’s deep impact capabilities. Jeffery’s stat line from last week you want? Here it is: 10 receptions for 218 yards with a TD on 13 targets. Yea, he truly went Berzerk, and I’m not talking the horrific, embarrassingly bad, new Eminem song produced by that dirty old man, Rick Rubin. I’d start every week at the WR 3 spot or flex if I were you. But If I were you, then you’d be me, and you’d be betting oiled up with banana cream pudding with two female midgets licking it off for a hot new advertisement in Bangkok and telling me what to do with my fantasy roster. Again, nobody is really reading this far, right?

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Well this will be my last ranking post with words on each player. I know you want to cry but hold back the tears, friends, we’ll still be with you all summer to cover any rankings updates that need updating and any Amanda Bynes news that needs ignoring. When we last left off on our rankings with the Top 80 Wide Receivers, I said we were in the ‘Veddy Interesting’ tier and that it stretched into the Top 100. Or else Puck a liar call, that still holds true. Oh and if you’re wondering where that link came from, you can click here where I’ve magically hyperlink typed Rankings or you can use all your finger strength and move up to the menu bar where it says ‘Rankings’ to find all your needs fulfilled. At this point of my rankings clearly I’m talking to deep leaguers or the completely insane (which, admittedly, can be one and the same person) so if you’re doing the regular 10 or 12 team thing with the usual roster set up, feel free to ignore. These remaining ain’t for you unless you enjoy the whimsy of my writing (and who doesn’t!). So without more delay, let’s get to the Top 100 Wide Receivers for 2013 Fantasy Football…

Please, blog, may I have some more?