While I always say that Sunday Night Football is tacitly known as the premier match-up of the weekend, I wasn’t necessarily wanting to lead-off my first recap of Sunday’s games with it, but if the Cowboys and Giants continue the long NFC East tradition of having memorable derp-offs, I have very little choice in the matter. In a game that featured two interceptions and two fumbles (and that was just the Cowboys!), Run DMC being his usual “Run for two feet then drop DMC”, coaching you’d expect from the Princeton ginger Jason Garrett and a guy with the last name McAdoo, well, you’d be hard pressed to follow all that up with a fascinating and suspenseful last two minutes. But they did. After an “interesting” (to be kind) play-action call at the one-yard line (I’m assuming even Pete Carroll would call a run play there) with just about 1:40 left in the game that failed with an intentional throw out of bounds by Eli Manning, the Cowboys quickly drove down the field in just 88 seconds, scoring the go ahead touchdown shown above. On that score, Romo was able to connect with Jason Witten after dropping a bad snap, which seems like the most Romo thing ever. Unless it ended up being an interception. Good hustle Cowboys and Giants… I can’t wait to see what the derp looks like when the Eagles and Washington get involved. Especially Washington. They were born in the derp. Molded by it…

Here’s what else I saw in Week 1 (with bonus first week knee-jerk reactions!)…

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The Internet nearly broke this week when the Cleveland Browns announced they were going to start rookie Johnny Manziel at quarterback… or so we think. It looks like Brian Hoyer might be sent to the bench to give the Browns a spark, according to published reports. But is he worth it from a fantasy standpoint? We’ll examine that and more as we take a dive into the waiver wire. There are three or four weeks left in your fantasy season, so this is the time to make the solid moves that will get you into the playoffs. So, what about Manziel? Yes, he was a change of pace for the Browns, as he rushed for a touchdown last week, but let’s see why you don’t want him. Tight end Jordan Cameron is questionable for this week after missing his last five games with concussion symptoms. Miles Austin is still hospitalized after taking a hit to his lower back and hurting his kidneys. Andrew Hawkins is the best receiving threat the team has right now that’s healthy. Yes, Josh Gordon is there too, but I would want to see how Manziel works with all of his weapons before seeing how much he impacts fantasy values on Lake Erie. The Browns finish the season with Indianapolis, Cincinnati, Carolina in Week 16 and Baltimore in Week 17. The chances are there for Manziel to throw it a bunch and get the all-important rushing yardage as well with a pair of weak rush defenses during the fantasy playoffs. Dare we say it, Manziel could be a nice play down the stretch if you want a quarterback with a good situation that you can pick up now.

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So, that actually was about the most predictable outcome, if we’re basing it off of the complete 2014 Thursday Night Football catalog thus far. Needless to say, there were some takeaways from last night’s game that I want to share with you. FedEx field continues to look as solid as RG3’s knee. I have no idea how much longer Tom Coughlin can look that constipated, but 11 years is a magical feat. Get that man some prune juice, stat. Competent Eli Manning? First sign of the Apocalypse. Everyone okay with Jesus? Oh, and Kirk Cousins. Yeah… that happened. And by that, I mean four interceptions and a fumble. Let me tell you, I’ve heard of kissing cousins, but sh*tting the bed Cousins? That’s a new one. Well, like the old saying goes– “When Jermaine McBride gets an interception, the game is over”.

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That’s a good stretch you’re getting in there helmet. Well done.

One of the biggest surprises from week one of the NFL preseason was the outstanding performance of Arizona Cardinals rookie wide receiver John Brown. Throughout their dominant preseason victory over the Houston Texans, Brown continuously ran circles around defenders on his way to an impressive 5 catch, 87 yard performance. Even more astounding was the fact that he likely would have had a touchdown catch as well, if not for Arizona’s untimely quarterback inaccuracy. Nonetheless, it was quite the rookie debut for an overlooked and largely unknown receiver, who could make a huge impact as a late-round steal in your fantasy football league.

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Welp, that was quick. After spending an entire week as a free agent (and being called an alleged gang-member, or I guess “having” affiliations with gangs, or maybe he’s just really bad at sign-language and a lover of blue tees), DeSean Jackson has been signed by the Washington Football Team. From an NFL perspective, Washington now has four wide recievers roughly the same height, and three of them that can spread the field faster than Dan Snyder can sign 35-year-olds to egregious contacts. In fact, I’m pretty sure Jackson had to lie about his age to get signed. And from a fantasy perspective, this signing certainly changes some things…

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The big injury news of the week is Houston running back Arian Foster undergoing back surgery to repair and alleviate issues stemming from a disc in his lower back. It’s a good thing this finally happened. He missed OTAs with the issue and was having pain down into this legs during the little time he was on the field a training camp.

What is a ruptured disc anyways?

When a disc is ruptured, the jelly-like shock-absorbing “filling” for lack of a better term oozes out. When that does, it can put pressure onto the spinal cord itself and that could be the source of the pain for Foster.

Other symptoms include pain and weakness in the legs (not good for a running back), shooting pains when doing simple things like sneezing or using the toilet, and a low chance of loss of control in the bladder and/or bowel.

Maybe that explains why Houston has crapped the bed for the last two months and lost seven in a row—ruptured disc.

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A week is in the books and it’s time to absolutely freak out.  Tom Brady is horrible, time to drop him for Terrelle Pryor!

Like a GOP reaction to Obama having his foot on the Oval Office desk, then the subsequent overreaction to the jokes about overreactions, there’s been a lot of drama to overreactions.  Chill out people!  It’d be like a biologist getting all angry because that’s not what the Fox really says… Idea!  Colbert cuts that video with Fox News people freaking out over the gobbledygook in the chorus.  Comedy gold.

Point is – don’t worry about tough week ones and keep playing your studs.  Barring a late scratch I’m still playing Roddy White, who despite the bum ankle and only out there as a “decoy,” still got a red zone catch and I think gets more involved.  I’m not benching him for some scrub, but he does obviously move down a few spots.

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It’s Friday the 13th (of September) and the doctor is in. Good thing I am since there are plenty of patients filling the hallways of the Fantasy Football Clinic. That said, let’s get going on this week’s rounds. Patients will know who I am right away as I’ll be the doctor wearing a Burger King crown on my head. Only because it’s my birthday today.

The Patriots are banged up. Horribly. Tight end Rob Gronkowski (back, arm) might be back next week but it’s not confirmed at this point. Fantasy owners rejoice! So shall Tom Brady! The Patriots looked really pathetic offensively last night against the Jets. Brady threw for 185 yards with one touchdown. Yeah, that’s it.

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When Dustin Keller entered the free agent market this off-season, he’d just come off a terrible season with the New York Jest which is a statement that could be said about any NYJ from 2012. With that, he decided to hit the FA market with the intent of improving his stock via a 1 year deal. To prove he was worth the money and after a great start to the preseason, there was much promise. And then versus the Texans that knee of his went…well, it went the wrong way. Like every which way that was the wrong way. I’m not linking to that image cuz it’s nasty and exactly why he not only has a torn ACL, PCL and MCL but has a dislocated knee to boot. It was ugly, people, but thankfully I only have to talk about the fantasy implications of it. Keller looked like he was well suited for the Dolphins passing attack throughout the preseason and was looking more and more to be a great target for up and comer Ryan Tannehill. Though it won’t affect my Rankings outside of Keller dropping out, I do get a little worried about who that third target for Ryan is going to be. Young QB with a security blanket to throw to is always nice, especially when it’s a decent option like Keller. Overall, it might increase targets for guys like Gibson but I wouldn’t call that a plus. Oh and no, don’t even ask if Charles Clay is a pickup since he’s, ya know, Charles Clay. You’re better then that and you know it. In other preseason news for 2013 Fantasy Football…we interrupt this ellipses to bring you an important announcement: we still need you – and yes I mean YOU. Not that other guy/girl you say to yourself will do it – to create/join some Razzball Commenter Leagues. See that hyperlink? It whisks you away to a special place where it tells you not only how to set up the league but what the Grand Prize is for the winner. Yes, there’s a prize so go pretend that link is a box of Lucky Charms and you’re trying to get the decoder ring out of it…or something. Just click on it! Alright, enough pandering, let’s get back to the show…

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RCL Season is approaching!  We’re stoked this year for another big RCL season, and we’re still looking for more leagues and more commishes, so as Sky would say “clickity-click this linkity-link” and start up a new RCL league!  As I mentioned on yesterday’s Podcast post, I’m going to give the top scorer every week a shout out and the team they toppled a slurry of French-ish epithets screamed as if atop a castle.

Last Tuesday, we had our first RCL draft in my JB’s Random Commenter League, and I gotta say, Razzball readers are pretty effing smart.  It was like drafting with 11 other mes.  12 JB’s would be 79 feet of fantasy gigantism.  Horrifying.  But I did come away really happy with my team.  As we talked about in our chat, I don’t really have any draft strategies this season, because there’s just so much sleeper/overrated value at different times that I’m going to come away with wildly different teams based on my draft spot.  None of the guys on my team were particular targets, except my love for Cam Newton this year, who I think has a monster season.  But I’m getting ahead of myself…

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