zod

Being that the kind people at Razzball have given me a soapbox, if you will, to share with you all the thoughts that swim within my head, I thought I’d take advantage of said opportunity to rant. If you can bear with me for a few sentences I promise to return to regularly scheduled programming and, as I do on a weekly basis, tender my slightly above average fantasy football advice. And when I say “average” I really mean “mediocre”. And when I say “mediocre” what I REALLY mean is “fvcking awesome”. Okay, so perhaps I’m reaching for the proverbial stars, but why not. After all, I could probably give you crap advice and many of you would still be happy. Stealing a quote from Negan, I could be inclined to say “I just slid my d*ck down your throat and you thanked me”. But that’s not how I roll.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

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Rinse and repeat. Rinse and repeat. The monotony of repetition quickly bores me. For the last ten weeks I have been writing the same post. Different players, same game. Well today I’m saying f-ck it and I’m zigging when I normally zag. They’ve sent in a run play, but I’m calling an audible and throwing the ball down field. If I’m putting my cards on the table, the last four times I’ve done this I’ve thrown three incomplete passes and an interception.

For those that are actually looking for my weekly waiver wire lineup of misfits, I’d hate to disappoint. These guys combined for 177.94 points. I was going to say that they combined for 206.24 points and see if any of you actually bothered to check my math. I’m betting that no one would have caught on.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

If the Seahawks-Niners game had been on Monday night, the title to this post might have been “Monday Night Rawl“. There was no way I was going to deny Thomas Rawls of his duly earned honors and bury the lede on this one. I had every intention of taking a page out of my own book and replaying what I said back in week 6 when I was fired up about Rawls. Unfortunately it seems that fellow writer Doug had the same idea when he titled his Through The Wire post. Allow myself to plagiarize myself. I guess it’s not really plagiarism if I am repurposing my own words. Here is what I said back in week 6. “The fact that he is only 47% owned is a little baffling. With Lynch out for the second straight week, Rawls should have been picked up everywhere. Especially by Lynch owners. Those that picked him up (like me) and started him (like me) were rewarded with 169 yards rushing and a score. He now has two 100+ yard rushing games. Lynch has none. Keep rawlin, rawlin, rawlin, rawlin…” And that’s me quoting me. I’m going to give Doug the benefit of the doubt and assume that he didn’t read that post. Besides, we’re one big happy family here at Razzball.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

I won my fantasy baseball league this year and am using the winnings to take my wife and two year old daughter to see Mickey Mouse. When asked what am I going to do now that I’ve won my league, I can honestly answer “I’m going to Disney World”. I am leaving Monday morning, so this post is being written Sunday evening as I half watch the Giants-Niners game, and half compose this writeup. That means I lose two games from which to select players, but I have a feeling it won’t be that hard. Here’s what I’ve come up with.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Robert Selden Duvall has had a role in countless films that have helped me enjoyingly pass the time over the last 30-something years. Most will remember him for his role as Tom Hagen in The Godfather and The Godfather II, but few will know that he actually won the Oscar for Best Actor playing country western singer Mac Sledge in Tender Mercies in 1983. Heck, I’ve never even heard of that movie. When it comes to good old Bobby Duvall, I am more of a Days of Thunder kind of guy. “You can drive through it Cole!” Damn, that’s a great flick. It’s like Top Gun with race cars. But it’s not the movie I’d like to mention today. In 1988, Duvall and Sean Penn teamed up to play cops in the C.R.A.S.H unit that patrols East L.A.. Duvall, as Bob “Uncle Bob” Hudges, a 19-year LAPD veteran, is partnered with rookie Danny “Pacman” McGavin as the two work to keep the peace in East L.A. by trying to keep the street gangs in line. The film tells us the tale of these two police officers and their approach to dealing the Bloods and the Crips.

Colors was an outstanding movie, but it is not the reason this post is entitled “Colors”. That reason would be thanks to Jonas “Gray” and Alfred “Blue”, whose colorful names lead a cast of relatively unknowns, or I should say “unowneds”, to come together as a team that combined for 191.04 points and would have easily beaten any other lineup in Yahoo! half point head-to-head leagues.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

So maybe we got off on the wrong foot last week. I can’t take all the blame, of course. You’re the one who said you had a third leg because you put a sock on your woo-ha. That’s the wrong foot with me every day of the week. But what I mean by this is explaining what the funk ‘Thinking Forward’ means. You’re in the playoffs so your lineup is already pretty good and so is your bench, most likely. So all I’m trying to do is give you some ideas on future week pickups because you’ve already got your lineup set for this week and since this is the time I’d normally be telling you to buy/sell for trade purposes, I figured I might as well tell you what you can tuck away for the following week instead. Ahem, I did say tuck it. Couldja do so with said foot apparel right now? It’s distracting…but now that we’ve got the premise set up, let’s take a giant leap forward into week 16. For all intents and purposes, the Colts aren’t really playing for much down the stretch besides maybe trying to figure out how they can be 8-5 with such a terrible team on hand. Oh wait, they play in the same division as the Jaguars, Texans and Titans and are 4-0 within it. Yeah, that’ll do it. I don’t know how they won earlier in the year vs the 49ers, Seahawks and Broncos given the team we’ve seen over the last 5 weeks. And before you get angry, Colts fans, this team’s point differential on the year is -3…yes, they’ve scored three less points than their opponents as a whole on the year and still have 8 wins to show for it. That’s a fishy line if I’ve ever smelled one. That’s just your upper lip! I told you, Colts fans, don’t be angry. Just realize there are 5 teams in the plus as of this typing that might not make the playoffs and be thankful. All this to say, I don’t think the Chiefs are gonna have a tough week with Indy at home and think Knile Davis will have himself a solid fantasy day. The Chiefs are the second best team in the AFC right now by record and the only way that even matters in terms of seeding is if Denver reels off 2 losses in the last 3 weeks and KC wins out, which makes it all the more likely we won’t see a huge amount of the starters in the game for the Chiefs on week 16 Sunday. Am I telling you to be scared to start Jamaal Charles? Hells to the no, children. But I do think Davis has a sneaky shot at reproducing his week 14 line or better: 47 total yards on 12 touches and a TD. Sure, its flexy sexy but nothing great but you never know when injuries might strike. Just ask AP owners. If your main RB goes down week 15 and you still manage to make the Shiva Bowl, having Knile on speed dial is a nice consolation prize in my book. And with that, let’s move on. Here are some other suggestions for week 16 pick ups for 2013 Fantasy Football…

Please, blog, may I have some more?