fozzybear

Fuzzy Wuzzy was a bear, Fuzzy Wuzzy had no hair, Fuzzy Wuzzy wasn’t fuzzy, was he? I think that’s how that goes. Here’s my version. Jonathan Stewart was a Duck. Jonathan Stewart had no luck. Without a hammy, what was he? He was Fozzy Whittaker’s ticket to a one hundred yard rushing day. Ok, so that wasn’t very good. How about this one. JStew knew what to do. JStew his hammy blew. JStew knew it true, do you? Admittedly that was not much better. I could keep going with the mediocre attempts, but, contrary to popular belief, I have better things to do. Jonathan Stewart went down. Fozzy Whittaker stepped up, and has been named to my weekly “Are you sh!tting me with this lineup” lineup…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

tyrod-taylor-bills

Greetings! To both my loyal subjects and sacrilegious haters, I humbly welcome you my life; ‘Tis true, my life revolves around the fascinating world of fantasy sports, but it’s so much deeper than that. Here, at the world’s finest fantasy sports website, Razzball, I’m able to share with you lessons of love and ecstasy, tales of heartbreak and betrayal, and possibly even some insight as to why Richard Gere enjoyed gerbils up his rectum. I cannot lie to you, my goodmen, my life is in absolute shambles right now. I cannot remember a time I felt so overwhelmed, yet I shall rise up and do my lordly duty, for I, Lord Beddict, am meant for greatness in some form or another and I shan’t be denied. WITNESS!

I am Tehol Beddict and this is Disgrace/Delight! Take Heed!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

AFC-WEST

So wait… You mean to tell me that we’re only a few weeks away from real, live concussion filled NFL action? Where did the time go? Anyway, for those of you not familiar with my work, which would include everyone not in my immediate family, I’m Mike Honcho and I’m usually pontificating on baseball this time of the year. However, it’s hard to say no to the persuasive ways of Unbreakable MB and Jay Wrong. They’re like the Razzball version of “Brazilian security guards” at a gas station at 6 A.M. – You just can’t say no! So here I am, ready to tell you how the AFC West will unfold in 2016. How will Denver cope without America’s favorite “Non-PED using” quarterback? Can Derek Carr take the next step and lead the Raiders to the postseason? Did Andy Reid serve his 15 hours of community service for habitual clock-management violations? Finally, can Phillip Rivers generate enough excitement for the dozens of Chargers fans in San Diego? Theses questions and more (well, not much more) will be answered below. I’ll list the teams in order of predicted finish and give you a few helpful nuggets to help you navigate the choppy waters of fantasy draft season. Join me, won’t you?

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I hope I don’t get sued for using the CW logo. Who am I kidding? I’m sure they would appreciate the exposure to the four people that read this article. With that said, they have come a long way from their UPN/WB days. You know, that channel that gave us hits such as Homeboys in Outer Space, The Mullets and Platypus Man. To be fair, Buffy the Vampire Slayer was a hit and I got my wrestling fix from WWE SmackDown.

New to Daily Fantasy Football? Try out this new free FanDuel’s contest, where half the league is guaranteed to win. (Played on FanDuel before? You can build a team for $5 for a chance of $100,000, part of a one million dollar prize pool!)

Please, blog, may I have some more?

jsteww1315

Technically, it’s “Newton’s law of universal gravitation”, but let’s not cut hairs here when it comes to aesthetically pleasing titles. I’m into that whole brevity thing, man. But like Newton’s law — that two bodies in the Universe attract each other with a force that is directly proportional to the product of their masses and inversely proportional to the square of the distance between them, or, like how Paula Abdul explained while singing with a cartoon cat, that opposites attract, Cam Newton has been able to work with what is probably the most underwhelming receiving depth in the league. Not counting the Browns. (You never count the Browns.) I mean, Ted Ginn Jr. is a starter. THIS IS CRAZY. With last night’s win against the hapless Saints, the Panthers are now 12-0 and the only undefeated team remaining. Or, if you live in Carolina, they are now the only undefeated team with a 11-1 record. Regardless, no matter what unfolds the next month, at this point, it looks like the Panthers are set to make their run to the Super Bowl, where they’ll likely face off against the not-Bengals…

Here’s what else I saw during Week 13’s Sunday games…

New to Daily Fantasy Football? Try out this new free FanDuel’s contest, where half the league is guaranteed to win. (Played on FanDuel before? You can build a team for $5 for a chance of $100,000, part of a one million dollar prize pool!)

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Greetings! Doing two posts a week, back-to-back, can be quite stressful, especially considering I’m attempting to give you nothing but my pure unadulterated best. Sometimes it’s necessary for me to spend 30 minutes in a steamy hot shower, letting the water pelt my chiseled body, watching the droplets stream down my crevices (anyone else aroused?) like the tear drops cried by the last 3,000 women who attempted to tame me, while listening to hard hitting rap music, in order for me deliver something I deem acceptable. [Jay’s Note: The longest sentence ever…] So, shout out to Drake (for the first and last time), for dropping hot fiery rocks on Meek Mill the fraud and for inspiring me to touch on every single offense playing skill position player drafted in the first three rounds of 2015. I won’t dig too deep, as the majority of your attention span seems to be shorter than a squirrel’s privates, but if you have any specific questions on the named men, then ask them in the comment section and will reward you with a facial of fantasy football information. Remember to look at some of these players from a dynasty perspective, as I know many of you, much like myself, like to pluck them when they’re young, cheap, and willing… When it comes to Lord Beddict, first of his name, remember to hate, not the player, but the game.

I am Tehol Beddict, and this is Disgrace/Delight, Rookie Edition! Take Heed!

Please, blog, may I have some more?