As the season winds to a close it’s time to stop flirting with the transition to 2020 and dive in. This isn’t to say I’m done with 2019, not even close. I’m planning an upcoming long form article with an entire season review, but writing only a single article this week I thought it would enjoyable to provide my early .5 PPR first-round rankings for 2020. I’ve been searching around for others who have engaged in this exercise and it looks like I might be the first brave soul to assuredly be laughed at next summer. For those of you that are here for week 16 nuggets, congrats! You are either loyal readers, or trying to win a championship! Don’y worry, I’ve still got you covered at the bottom.

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With the final week of the 2019 fantasy season upon us, we’ve got a shortened Ambulance Chasers column, due to the fact that there aren’t a lot of fantasy-relevant players still left, with many teams out of contention, and therefore, a lot of players out of contention too. While we’ve only got to focus on a handful amount of players left, there are a few trouble spots that we should be aware of…

So let’s dive right into it.

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With most fantasy leagues entering their Championship Sunday in week 16, we will only focus on running back situations that warrant start consideration. Starting running backs that will enter this Sunday 100% healthy, their traditional handcuff can be dropped to waivers to make better use of bench spots. Blocking your opponent, from adding a better defense or a starting caliber player at the QB and skill position (WR/TE/RB), is a tactic the most competitive and cut-throat players deploy. If your league plays to week 17, you will want to pay extra attention to the names below. Congratulations to everyone that made it to their championship game or are fighting for 2nd/3rd place prize pools.

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It seems like every season there is a player that was heavily dropped during the regular season that comes back during the weeks of the fantasy football playoffs with an absolute vengeance. Last year, it was was Derrick Henry and the tear that he went on in weeks 14-16, including that unforgettable 99-yard touchdown run that seemed to take an entire quarter to complete and then forgive my long-term memory, you’ll have to let me know what guy that was in the previous seasons.

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Welcome to Stat-o-Matic where we look at some advanced stats around the NFL. As a disclaimer, I am using this space to play around with some numbers and present some interesting findings. But, by no means is this validated or predictive data. I hope that it will lead to meaningful discoveries or it could inspire you to go down your own rabbit hole. We’re going to explore together, crunch some numbers and see what pops out.

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I was watching NFL Network Sunday morning and a commercial came on that made me double take:

That’s right, there’s a curved erection epidemic running rampant in America! This advertisement created more questions than answers. First, what are the scientific qualifications for a shaft to earn the “diseased” label? Are we talking right angles or a bit more obtuse? Is there a special penis protractor to measure the exact angles? And what’s the treatment plan for this condition? You know what, never mind. I don’t want to know. But I am curious, who was this Peyronie guy? Whoever he was, thanks to him, the family name will forever go down as the crooked erection guys. The point is, no matter how terrible your fantasy football team was this season, things could be worse. You could be watching targeted erectile deformity ads on Sunday mornings. Even if you just got done searching Amazon for a penis protractor, at least the curved dong disease wasn’t named after you. And there’s always next year! So let’s all zip up our pants and shift our attention over to my early 2020 top 100 dynasty football PPR rankings which will be released into your veins–arm veins– via four-part slow drip: 

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We have finally made it to Week 14, which, for most (sane) people, means that we have finally made it to the start of the fantasy playoffs. Thankfully, there aren’t a whole lot of players on the injury report this week, as most are just on the mend, recovering from certain breaks, fractures, pulls, sprains or tweaks suffered a few weeks ago.

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Two weeks into the first round of the inaugural RazzBowl Playoffs and its been all RotoViz. With only one week remaining in round one, RotoViz’s Hasan Rahim and Mike Beers hold the the top two spots in the RazzBowl Championship Bracket. These two competitors remind me a lot of Myles Garrett and Antonio Brown, farting in their competitor’s faces and then bashing them over the head with their own helmets. Wait, where am I? What’s that smell? Oh, it’s just those RotoViz boys doing their thing. The RazzBowl Committee is now keeping a close eye on the actions of RotoViz as a whole, they’re on double secret probation! 

I’m sure you’re also wondering about Team Donkey Teeth because you spend most of your spare time thinking about my fantasy teams, right? Thanks for caring! We’re hanging in there — 16th place in the RazzBowl Wildcard Bracket — poised to advance on to round two in the Wildcard Bracket or maybe even make the leap to the Championship Bracket with a big week 12 performance. Anyway, since there’s no more pickups, let’s take a look back at some of the best bargains who were taken in the top 100 on RazzBowl Draft Day across all 15 of our leagues. Psych! First I need to mention the RazzBowl 2020 signup, which is now live! Alright, now lets look at those draft bargains . . . 

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Ty Johnson was able to clear concussion protocol and suit up after carrying a questionable tag all week, but it was the Lions practice squad acquisition that led this backfield on Sunday against the Cowboys. Bo Scarbrough found the field for 49% of the Lions offensive snaps, leading both Ty Johnson (29%) and JD McKissic (23%), and looked good while doing it. Bo handled 74% of the Lions running back carries (14), and finished the day with 55 yards, 1TD, and 11.5 fantasy points. If the Lions did not fall behind in the second half, Scarbrough would have padded his stats a little more. The Lions turned to JD McKissic in the passing game, recording 3 receptions on 4 targets, with Bo recording 0 targets while the Lions were playing catch-up. Ty Johnson was an afterthought, taking his 2 carries for a measly 6 yards, making Bo one of the top adds this week. McKissic still offers low-end value in deeper PPR formats, but Ty Johnson can be dropped in most 12-team and small leagues.

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Few people know why the Packers are called “Cheeseheads.” It’s tradition: the worst Packer performer from the previous week is bestowed with a chunk of stinky Limburger cheese which is stuffed into the bottom of their helmet for the following game. In week 9, Aaron Jones took 8 carries for 30 yards and hauled in 1 catch for -1 yards. Needless to say, he was Mr. Limburger for their week 10 game against Carolina and their dairy boy tracked down an extra stinky piece of cheese for this contest. This wedge of stank carried such a putrid scent that the Panthers defense gave the Packer running back a little extra space to roam on Sunday afternoon. Aaron Jones took full advantage, rumbling for 93 yards and 3 touchdowns on 13 carries—he now has an impressive 14 touchdowns on the season. Rest of Season Player Rater has him listed as RB#10 and I’d even bump him a couple spots higher. Anyway, here’s what else I saw during yesterday’s late games in fantasy football:    

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