At this point, you are either in your league’s playoffs, or you’re not…. You either won this week and secured your spot, or have already advanced to the second round. Or you completely lost, but you still care enough about Fantasy Football to keep reading. But I am assuming most of you are the “first ones”… ones that are still in the game and getting so close to the end (hopefully an end with money), that we cannot afford some fantasy blunders (like Drew Brees completely neglecting one of the top tight ends in the league. Jimmy Graham… seriously, not one freakin’ target!).

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Happy busiest bar day of the year! Every year, your local bars will fill up the night before Thanksgiving with people coming home for the holidays or looking to get a jump start on their extended weekends. They may also be drowning the misery of the great family feast or the loneliness of having nowhere to go. It’s a time honored tradition of bar folk that is greater than the call of old St. Pat’s. Trust me on this one, I’ve spent too many years and have too many friends in the industry. But one thing is for sure, you can always bury your head in a glass of something to run away from whatever pains you. Let’s toast to that! Good, now that I got you all a little liquored up, let’s talk about fantasy football. *pours fresh glass of scotch* It’s a horrible horrible game that kills you a little more each and every week with the maddening calls you have to make as you not only try to figure out if “your guy” will perform but if his coach will give him enough snaps at being relevant. Okay, enough of this rambling. Let’s look at this week’s battle…

Note: All evaluations are based on 0.5 PPR, and ranks are from FantasyPros.com

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Welcome to the Handcuff Report, 2014 primer. The Almighty J-FOH has bestowed upon me the honor of keeping you knuckleheads up to date on the latest NFL arrests, felonies, and misdemeanors. If Steven Ridley and Shane Vereen are smoking weed in a Pontiac Firebird, we’ll be there. If  Titus Young finds his way back into the league, we’ll be there. If Golden Tate decides to steal maple bars from a Detroit bakery, we’ll be there. You get the point…. Wait.?!?! That’s not what this post covers?…. It’s about running back committee’s? …Hmmm I don’t think that’s right. Jay, I think we have a problem…..I had 1,300 words about Ray Rice, Josh Gordon, Le’veon Bell, and LeGarrette Blount. It seemed reasonable, there are a lot of arrests, and they do in fact impact our rosters. But okay… I got it now, you meant handcuff in a less literal sense. Oops! Welp, time to refocus. I guess instead I’ll be discussing the ever evolving Running Back committee situations around the league. For today and at least the first few weeks of the season, I’ll be providing a list of depth charts and commenting on the situations I feel need to be covered. In other words I’ll be spending less time on teams like the Vikings, Bears, or Seahawks and more time on teams like the Lions, Falcons, and Dolphins. As the season progresses, I’ll probably switch to more of a “handcuffs to watch format”, where I’ll cover a handful of backs with expanding roles. But who knows, we’ll see, you guys can tell me in the comments if you like the depth chart rankings. I’m cool with that. After today I will be sticking with the tried and true tiered approach (say that three times fast Micro Machine Man) and the tier names that J-FOH had last year, because what else is there outside of Fuzzy, Standard Issue Police, and Duct taped handcuffs? That pretty much covers the handcuff gamut. No??? Are there other varieties besides the ones covered?  Like those weird plastic ones, that cops use, maybe? Did you notice I said “cops use”… do you know why? Because Standard Issue Police That’s Why!!!

Please, blog, may I have some more?