So I was out of town this past weekend and I was flying back Sunday in the late morning. As much as airports suck and flying in general can be a real drag, I’ve always enjoyed watching football while waiting for a flight. If I’m by myself I can enjoy my overpriced beer served by an antipathetic server while I overhear the most ridiculous conversations of the nearby tables. When I’m with a friend, it’s just like being at a real bar, where shit talking reigns and wildly outrageous proclamations are never verified via cellphone. Watching football is one of the only saving graces of airports, and I for one, am thankful for it.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

As a much younger donkey I tried out for the highschool basketball team. I was galloping all over the court at tryouts, nobody could defend me. Really thought I had a spot locked up on the team but when the dreaded cut day came around, they gave me the axe. I guess donkey kicking defenders is “frowned upon.” Pssssh. 

Fast forward to present day. RazzBowl cuts are only days away and I’m having flashbacks to basketball tryouts. Half our impressive field of 180 industry competitors, with a handful of fans mixed in, will be eliminated come Monday evening. The night terrors are unbearable!

One person who doesn’t have to worry about the first RazzBowl cut is Pat Fitzmaurice of The Football Girl. Fitzmaurice has now held the lead for three consecutive weeks and has been top 3 in the overall standings for the entire season except for one week when he fell down to 6th place. Pat’s performance to this point has been so dominant that the RazzBowl Committee is considering rebranding the contest as the FitzBowl next year. But the RazzBowl Committee is very corrupt so the CloroxBleachBowl is the front runner.

What makes the RazzBowl especially unique compared to other best ball formats and industry leagues is our addition of a $10 FAAB budget for the entire way season with a minimum of $1 bids. This allows teams to cycle out dead roster spots (e.g. Andrew Luck, Lamar Miller, etc) but it also means each team will only be allowed a maximum of ten moves for the entire season. Every dollar of each competitor’s free agent budget is just as precious as a Bill Belichick smile.

When teams choose to pony up their FAAB, it’s worthwhile to take a look and see why. There could be a goldmine of speculative adds buried in the RazzBowl transactions this season.

Here were the top FAAB buys in the final week of RazzBowl FAAB bidding:

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I’m still holding onto Johnson, so to speak, since we spent a lot on him last week. Same goes for Edmonds (even with Ken Drake adding to the desert confusion) though it isn’t looking good in the near term. Fear not as better days lie ahead…however some of you can’t afford to wait yet still have FAAB dollars left to spend. Done with hedging, let’s get to spending! (By this point in the season you should’ve spent some FAAB money so we’re updating the amount we have at this point to $50; if you have more by all means add it to the dollar amounts listed here):

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I used to put my trusty Coleman tent to work every summer. A group of college friends and I would gather for a long weekend of debauchery and mosquito bites. Eventually, after enough blood loss, we outgrew the authentic camping experience and upgraded to cabin glamping. Also, our old campsite not-so-politely asked us to never come back. Regardless, my Coleman tent hasn’t seen any use in recent years. That is, until yesterday, when Tevin Coleman helped me pitch a tent as he obliterated the Panthers defense with 11 carries for 105 yards, 2 catches for 13 yards and 4 touchdowns! Who do I call if my tent has been erect for over 24 hours? Anyway, here’s what else I saw during yesterday’s late games in fantasy football: 

Please, blog, may I have some more?

It’s with great sadness that I write this weekly RazzBowl update. Team Donkey Teeth has just lost one of it’s best less than 48 hours ago. Fortunately, although my Mahomey is down, it seems he may not be out for the count. My emergency Mahomes prayer hexagon assembled yesterday and has succeeded in saving the top QB’s season, at least for now. The joy of football Sunday’s won’t be quite the same for the next couple weeks, but rest assured my team will persevere. I’ll be taking the rest of the guys apple picking today to lift their spirits and next week I’ve arranged for a nude body painting class—team morale will soon be at all-time highs. Things are pointing up, if you know what I mean.

Shifting our attention over to the RazzBowl overall standings, Pat Fitzmaurice of The Football Girl has reclaimed the top spot in the standings once again with a 13 point lead over Adam Ronis of Fulltime Fantasy and Sirius XM. Michael Stepney of The Fantasy Authority hangs onto 3rd place as our top 3 have separated themselves from the pack with a 37 point drop off to Danny Kelly of The Ringer in 4th place. With only 3 weeks remaining until the bottom half of every league is eliminated and the playoffs commence; it’s time to buckle down!

What makes the RazzBowl especially unique compared to other best ball formats and industry leagues is our addition of a $10 FAAB budget for the entire way season with a minimum of $1 bids. This allows teams to cycle out dead roster spots (e.g. Andrew Luck, Lamar Miller, etc) but it also means each team will only be allowed a maximum of ten moves for the entire season. Every dollar of each competitor’s free agent budget is just as precious as a Bill Belichick smile.

When teams choose to pony up their FAAB, it’s worthwhile to take a look and see why. There could be a goldmine of speculative adds buried in the RazzBowl transactions this season.

Here were the top buys from the FAAB-poor RazzBowlers this week, along with some donkey thoughts:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Remember BenJarvus Green-Ellis? Barely, right? At least the Law Firm nickname was choice. Do you also (not) recall he debuted more than a decade ago in 2008 and subsequently he was out of the league by 2013? Five year career for a running back sounds about right. So with that short time to make it, let’s just agree to never adversely judge a running back for trying to get paid, you know? Anyhoo, the pickings have become slim in Free Agents adds by this week; but unless this is your first year playing you were prepared for this scenario and spent most of your money already.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

“Wait, is this MB? Is he doing the waiver wire this week? This is stupid. I don’t like change.” I’m sorry! I had no choice. I’m filling in for Boof while he has family engagements this week. If there is one thing that we love more than giving you the best fantasy football advice, it is our families. Well, it depends on the day sometimes. Just kidding, maybe. Anyways, I’m not going to go into the gruesome detail that Boof goes into every week. He really does a great job. Hey man, I write 5 articles a week and do the editing for the site, give me a break. But, I will let you know who I am eyeing on the waiver wire this week. The Pittsburgh Steelers, Carolina Panthers, Tampa Bay Buccaneers, and Cleveland Browns are on a bye this week.

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Opening the week as the highest over/under of the season at 55.5, HOU @ KC now sits as the tied-for-2nd highest point total in 2019 at 55. A clash between offenses that rank #4 (KC) and #9 in points per game. Poorly buried by the NFL in the early slate of games, everyone get their popcorn ready early this Sunday. Both teams rank in the top 10 in total offensive plays ran this season, #3 KC and #8 HOU, and find their way onto this weeks shootout game preview.

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Falcons are a protected species in the United States, but over in India they actually have an annual two-week falcon hunt where thousands upon thousands of falcons are massacred each year. It was on a pilgrimage to the Taj Mahal that Will Fuller developed a taste, or rather an addiction, to these beautiful birds of prey. So when the Falcons glided into Houston on Sunday, they never stood a chance against the bloodthirsty Fuller as he went off for 217 yards on 14 catches with his first 3 touchdowns of the season. The Texans wide receiver will now go into hiding for several weeks as the authorities attempt to track him down for his foul treatment of the fowl. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy football:

Please, blog, may I have some more?