Welcome to the new off-season series, aptly named ‘Final Fantasy’. In this series, Razzball will be focusing the spotlight on certain players that either exceeded or fell-by-the-wayside of our expectations, and we’ll briefly touch them with our thoughts, legally. Despite rumor (and the series name), we will not be discussing anything +5 to magic missile. Unless there’s actually a NFL player that shoots missiles. And has, like, an amulet to vitality or something like that. Michael Vick’s -98 amulet of dog-caring will be excluded in this particular instance. Regardless, let’s get to the spotlight for today, and that’s Jordan Cameron.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Welcome to the new off-season series, aptly named ‘Final Fantasy’. In this series, Razzball will be focusing the spotlight on certain players that either exceeded or fell-by-the-wayside of our expectations, and we’ll briefly touch them with our thoughts, legally. Despite rumor (and the series name), we will not be discussing anything +5 to magic missile. Unless there’s actually a NFL player that shoots missiles. And has, like, an amulet to vitality or something like that. Michael Vick’s -98 amulet of dog-caring will be excluded in this particular instance. Regardless, let’s get to the spotlight for today, and that’s Jordan Reed.Please, blog, may I have some more?
If you’re reading this, congratulations. *high-five, chest bump, leg sweep* You are a Fantasy Football champion. Enjoy the bragging rights, the celebration, the confetti cannon and all the glory and glory holes that come with it. Here’s hoping you made a little green in your victory this season as well. New Years in Cancun! Or at least Tijuana. If you’re still reading this and have no clue what the hell FFB is, apologies. The Jammy/Crammy Awards have nothing to do with the AVN awards if that’s what you were googling, but probably could considering Trent Richardson’s off-field film making. As far as your humble-but-nonetheless-handsome Guru’s season goes, I went 1-1 in the RCL League Championships and 4-5 in all the other fake football Stupor Bowls I played in. Not bad. Five championships out of sixteen leagues. Yes, I am a fantasy junkie and with the season over the DT’s are setting in. Get these spiders offa me!! When does baseball start? Is there Fantasy Ping-Pong? If there is such a thing, make sure you draft Ma Long number one. He’s the king of epic shots. With all that said, let’s get right to the easiest fantasy column ever written: The year-end list. Here are your 2013 Jammy and Crammy Award winners.Please, blog, may I have some more?
I’m not gonna lie to you, I don’t know where I am right now. I just came back from the bars at 4 am to have a breakfast of waffles and scotch and I forgot to make the waffles. If you’re reading this then it probably means Sky’s lazy ass is somewhere ‘with family’ or some shit and I got a chance to step in and take over and give out these ridiculous Fantasy Football awards ‘in the spirit of the season’. First off, I guess I should preface this: I cuss a lot. Then again if you didn’t know that from the first couple of sentences, you’re either drunker or stupider than me. Secondly, WTF are you doing reading this on Christmas? Don’t you have some damned family around to make you sandwiches or something? Kid, my liver is the size of a Baleen Whale at this point so don’t be pretending you give a crap about what I’m writing unless you mean it. I’m what they call ‘an angry drunk’. I’m also an angrier sober so keep me socially lubricated. Now WTF were we talking about? Yeah, Fantasy Football. In a 12 team league, there are 11 people who’ve have their heart ripped out of their dong hole at this point except for those lucky few who do championships in week 17. And why are you doing that, exactly? Seriously, the JC Superstar owner is pretty much boned out of contention by that nonsense. Get your shit together. If you wanna include week 17, make it a two week championship then. Oh what, my harsh words gonna make you cry? You gonna tattle to Sky on me? What are you, five? Well if you are, let me tell you something: Santa’s not real. Yup, you guessed it there’s just a bunch of drunk arseholes like myself dressed up like this during the holidays and mommy and daddy are putting you on my lap to get your stupid picture taken. Reality bites, kid, get used to it. But enough school of hard knocks lessons from me, let’s cover who’s been naughty, who’s been nice and other fantasy football awards for the 2013 season before I throw up, get naked, and pass out (and not necessarily in that order)…Please, blog, may I have some more?
The team that resides in the nation’s capital is having a real hard time lately. They have two key injuries this week and it’s starting to look bleak.
First they lost WR Leonard Hankerson for the season to a torn ACL. The doctors were checking his knee after an injury to his LCL suffered against Denver and that’s when they found the ACL damage.
Tight end Jordan Reed (concussion) is also up in the air for this week’s game too. He’s sat out the last couple days’ worth of practice and his status for Monday night against San Francisco is unknown. While he has the extra day this week, he’s not an advisable start this week.
I’d also be gunshy about playing RGIII for the same reason. He’s also starting to run out of receivers. It’s basically down to Santana Moss and Pierre Garcon, the latter of whom I am amazed is still healthy and upright at Week 12. Fred Davis isn’t inviting at the tight end spot. Alfred Morris adds nothing in the passing game (three receptions this season) so Roy Helu would be the only real pass-catching option out of the backfield.Please, blog, may I have some more?
To quote Woody Allen, ‘my daughter is hot’. Woah, wrong quote! No, the quote I was gonna go with here was ’80 percent of life is just showing up’. That’s where all the opportunities lie, really, and this one was no different. I was minding my own beeswax on Sunday afternoon, writing in my fantasy […]Please, blog, may I have some more?
Well, we’ve gone through just about every type of 20 there is this week. We’ve brought you the Top 20 Quarterbacks, Running Backs, and Wide Receivers and now we’re here to talk about Tight Ends for our 2013 Fantasy Football Rankings. On the one hand, the position is deep. On the other hand, there’s really only two ringers in the bunch that will outpace their TE compadres by enough that you’ll truly notice. On the third hand which is actually just a cut out of the Hamburger Helper that I’ve glued to my shirt, Tight End is the position just behind QB on which I’m going to say do not take a top one unless they fall to you in the draft. It’s a position that had a few surprises last year that crept into the top 10 and I fully expect the same to happen this year for various reasons. In shallow enough leagues, I’m going to be very tempted to stream them as needed until it proves I have a keeper or until someone notices it and starts hoarding guys like Marcedes Lewis. At that point, it’s clear I’ve done my job: made someone done lose their minds. But that’s my approach and not what this is all about. This is the Top 20 Tight Ends for 2013 Fantasy Football…Please, blog, may I have some more?
Sing it with me! His name was Kevin/He was a Cardinal/He had a 6 year 60 mil deal and then played 15 games in 2 years…and on and on and so forth. What, you thought you’d get the full song outta me? BUY THE ALBUM! Kids these days with their Napsters and their Limewire. You could buy the single if you prefer for .99 cents or the deluxe $1.99 one that has an image of me signing a fan’s boobs. I didn’t realize I had such a male following but when you dress to impress, you get to sign flesh. But back to the moral of the story here: don’t sign man boobs when a camera is near by. And for another moral to a story that’s more relevant to the topic at hand, while NCAA fans were getting treated to a Shocker for the first time this weekend, the Buffalo Bills were signing Kevin Kolb to a 2 year deal on Saturday worth a very incentive-laden $13 million. Now here’s where I’m about to zig where a million people are zagging and no I’m not talking about those poor Gonzaga fans out there: I like this move. I’m prepared for the hate, bring it snitches! Here’s what we know about Kolb. We know that he was – for the most part – unsuccessful in his stint in Arizona. However, we also know that no QB was successful in Arizona over the last two years and a majority of this can be put on the offensive line which ranked by many metrics either dead last or in the bottom five for O-Lines in the NFL. Hard to be good with the ball from your backside unless you’re an escort and Kolb is no different. But let’s get back to that ‘for the most part’ statement I said earlier. After stepping in for John Skelton late in week 1, Kolb produced the line of 1,169 passing yards, 8 touchdowns and 3 interceptions and led the Cardinals to a 4-2 start. In essence, he played 5 games before getting hurt against the Bills. Extrapolate those stats across, say, 15 games and you have 24 touchdowns, 9 interceptions and over 3,500 passing yards. Those stats would’ve put him as a top 20 QB for fantasy, possibly a top 15. Now I’m not saying to go buck-wild crazy for Kevin at this point. We still have a draft coming up and it’s very possible the Bills draft Nassib to reunite Marrone with his ‘Cuse QB but Kolb is in a better situation in Buffalo. If he’s the starter for 2013, he’s very worthy of a roster spot in 2QB or 1QB/1QB flex leagues and one to keep your eye on for this year. Sound crazy? Well Ryan Fitzpatrick has been a top 20 QB for the last two straight years behind a solid line with decent skill-position players surrounding him. I do believe that as your floor is exciting enough considering he’ll probably go nowhere near the top 20 QBs come draft day. And with that, here’s a look at some other news going on from this weekend for 2013 fantasy football…Please, blog, may I have some more?
It was a once-in-a-lifetime experience. Something I’ve always thought about, but never thought would actually happen. It began like any other day, and halfway through it still wasn’t anything special, but then everything changed. The day would go down as one of the most important of my year, and maybe even my life. I’m talking […]Please, blog, may I have some more?
It appears Doc has a case of crystal balls. As mentioned last week, I thought the injury report would fill up and it certainly has. Let’s take a look at who’s new in the clinic this week and who went to the morgue known as injured reserve. Fred Davis of the Washington Redskins went on […]Please, blog, may I have some more?