While many of us wondered why we would ever watch a Colts and Texans Oilers (their momma named ’em the Oilers, so I’m going to call ’em the Oilers) Sunday Night Football game, you have to remember that we all make bad life decisions. I mean, what’s the NLCS anyways? Is that like the LGBT or something? But hey, sometimes the games that you give zero efs about with no one to cheer for turn out great. This was not one of those times, at least not until the fourth quarter where we suddenly found ourselves in overtime (where I immediately said to myself: “sh*t, we’re in overtime”). Since the Texans Oilers aren’t a real team, it probably made a lot of sense there was a fairytale ending (thanks in large part to that amazing catch by Jaelen Strong shown above). On top of that, you might wonder why we’re talking about the Texans Oilers, and I’d like to use it as a fantasy football segue… Week 6 is behind us and at this point, and you should know where you are in the great and very metaphorical fantasy football landscape. Much like how the Texans Oilers, now at 4-2, know that they are a team that is in the hunt for the playoffs, they could use a little bit more help from certain players, and a little bit luck to make their push. I’d like to think that describes a majority of fantasy teams out there right now, minus the whole Brock Osweiler thing. What I’m saying here might even describe fantasy teams that find themselves atop their respective leagues, but unfortunately, probably not the teams that find themselves at the bottom with an 0-6 record. Coming back from such a deficit may not be worth thinking about, so in times like this when you are way behind (something I’m quite familiar with… something we all are), my recommendation is to drink up. I mean, don’t drink too much… motionless and face down is not how I want to see anybody. (There’s a great Bill Cosby joke around here somewhere, but I’ll settle for: I’ll take “Things Darren Sharper has never said” for $1,000 Alex.) But if you’re one of the teams lagging a bit behind, let’s say you are 1-5 or 2-4, and desperate hope combined with dark wizardry are the only vehicles driving your will to play until another fantasy obsession distracts you (granted, Texans Oilers games are technically considered torture porn, if that’s your thing), well, now is the time to do wild stuff. Do some crazy trades, make some risky decisions, just let all your inhibitions go. True, this might be like buying an extra bottle of Centrum Silver to help fight stage four lung cancer, but… you’ve got nothing to lose. And for those of you are in the middle of all this mess? Well then, that’s why Razzball is here. Oh, and if you’re a Colts or Texans Oilers fan, I’d appreciate it if you found some different teams to like…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

afc-south

Despite being the urinal puck of the NFL last season, the AFC South is overflowing with fantasy goodness for 2016. Jump into my fantasy van (Hint: It has no windows) and I’ll guide you through the land of elite wide receivers and shiny new quarterbacks. Allow Honcho – your new and most favorite fantasy football bestie to help you navigate the numerous story lines that make up one of the most fantasy rich divisions in football. Can Andrew Luck keep his spleen in one piece this season? Will Blake Bortles remember he’s Blake Bortles or will he continue his ascent up the QB ladder? Can Marcus Mariota deliver through the air? If so, who will he throw to? Finally, is $72 million enough to convince you that Brock Osweiler actually knows what he’s doing? The suspense is too much! Let’s get started. As always, we’ll review the teams in order of predicted finish.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

I won my fantasy baseball league this year and am using the winnings to take my wife and two year old daughter to see Mickey Mouse. When asked what am I going to do now that I’ve won my league, I can honestly answer “I’m going to Disney World”. I am leaving Monday morning, so this post is being written Sunday evening as I half watch the Giants-Niners game, and half compose this writeup. That means I lose two games from which to select players, but I have a feeling it won’t be that hard. Here’s what I’ve come up with.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Greetings! Doing two posts a week, back-to-back, can be quite stressful, especially considering I’m attempting to give you nothing but my pure unadulterated best. Sometimes it’s necessary for me to spend 30 minutes in a steamy hot shower, letting the water pelt my chiseled body, watching the droplets stream down my crevices (anyone else aroused?) like the tear drops cried by the last 3,000 women who attempted to tame me, while listening to hard hitting rap music, in order for me deliver something I deem acceptable. [Jay’s Note: The longest sentence ever…] So, shout out to Drake (for the first and last time), for dropping hot fiery rocks on Meek Mill the fraud and for inspiring me to touch on every single offense playing skill position player drafted in the first three rounds of 2015. I won’t dig too deep, as the majority of your attention span seems to be shorter than a squirrel’s privates, but if you have any specific questions on the named men, then ask them in the comment section and will reward you with a facial of fantasy football information. Remember to look at some of these players from a dynasty perspective, as I know many of you, much like myself, like to pluck them when they’re young, cheap, and willing… When it comes to Lord Beddict, first of his name, remember to hate, not the player, but the game.

I am Tehol Beddict, and this is Disgrace/Delight, Rookie Edition! Take Heed!

Please, blog, may I have some more?