I’d like to dedicate this week’s Beyond the Numbers to Week 6’s fantasy darling: Jay Ajayi. His 204 yard explosion versus Pittsburgh goes against every data point you could have on the guy, and gives a little bit of credit to a “beyond the numbers” mentality. Everyone seems to be flip flopping more than Ajayi’s mascot about whether he or Arian Foster will be the main man (myself included), and hopefully now we’ve found our answer. That joke would’ve probably landed better if Miami’s mascot was a fish, but hey, you got to work with what you got. This week, I’m on the lookout for the next monster performance, so let’s get to it…Please, blog, may I have some more?
Beer bonging a gallon of chew spit while watching your pregnant mother get a$$ blasted by Ron Jeremy> Owning Larry Fitzgerald in fantasy football in 2014.
Greetings, and welcome to another excruciatingly sexy edition of, Disgrace/Delight! I am your honored master of ceremonies, the Tehol Beddict, and I come to you bearing gifts. Where in the name of the Elder Gods are these gifts, you ask? The presents I offer you, distinguished ladies and gents, is the verbiage I’ve spewed out for you below in the form of written communication. Take it all in (swallow, don’t spit) and leave your thoughts and questions when you’re finished reading, as each and every one of you deserve special attention (ladies and Sky especially ).
You know what the deal is here and you definitely know what the real is. This is: DISGRACE/DELIGHT!!! TAKE HEED!
Can you feel the electricity in the air? I know what you’re thinking– Mom/wifey has yet to learn her lesson and attempted to deploy her plug-in vibrator in the Jacuzzi again. (When will they ever learn?) Pray to the Elder Gods that twas not due to them discovering my mythical Instagram account, for once a mortal witnesses those photographs they literally have no choice other than “Releasing,” which is much like the way I felt after viewing the latest Nicki Minaj video, Anaconda! I am known in some underground circles as they Ganymede of fantasy football analysts and I thoroughly embrace it. Back to that electricity your boy Beddict spoke; It’s due to the return of not only football, America’s greatest sport, but FANTASY FOOTBALL, America’s greatest game! ARE YOU READY?!?! I SAID, ARE YOU READY?!?!Please, blog, may I have some more?
With the NFL’s ever increasing shift to throwing the football, the traditional running back that carries the football 30 times per game is becoming harder to find. Even NFL teams aren’t really worried too much about getting running backs. There wasn’t even one drafted in the first round this year! Fantasy owners have been told for years to stock pile running backs, and in the past that has been good advice. In today’s fantasy leagues, however, you have to draft the right kind of running backs.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Greetings! Tis I, Beddict, and I’m gonna drop some serious Bangerz on you today. Sky stole my breaking bad idea, so I suppose my version will have to drop on TeholBeddict.com. Drop by if you want to witness some hot solo jerk sessions and some life changing mankini shots. Back to Sky: I mean the guy is on season 4 for the God’s sake, and he has the balls to drop a breaking bad special on that ass and ask for no spoilers? Ok, think Tehol, think! Is there anything in this incredible universe more fascinating than the greatness that was Breaking Bad? After pulling my hair out and choking the chicken a couple times, it hit me! MILEY. Is it the Salvia smoking, the charmingly boyish haircut, the boner inducing twerking, or is it the blindingly white skin that almost makes Dakota Fanning look African American? We all know Miley’s super producer Mike Will is tagging and bagging that scrumptious pasty pancake ass. I mean, he’s got to be right?!? God dammit, I wanna be him, and that’s probably the first time I’ve ever wished to be another human being. I’d literally kill to bang my wrecking balls against that lurid, smooth skin. Speaking of wrecking balls, that’s my favorite song of Cyrus’s new album, which I listened to on my flight to Maui Thursday morning, specifically for the purpose of writing this prized piece. What I’m doing here is going through Miley’s song titles from her most recent album, Bangerz, taking a quote from them and placing the players under the songs I see fit for them after this last week. As per usual I will be breaking down the targets and touches for players that stood out to me. Oh and one more thing: It slipped my mind that last season my post’s were called ” Hard Targets” not “Targets and Touches,” so that’s coming back as well. I can feel your excitement from my hotel room, where I have two washed up models feeding me grapes and waxing my body for the big shoot tomorrow. When I say “shoot,” I don’t mean money shot, for this is not a porn. Only if I come upon dire straights will that happen. Dear Sky,Please, blog, may I have some more?
So the dead zone strikes again as I try to filter out the unimportant sports news of baseball and the NBA playoffs, don’t even ask me who’s in the playoffs as I really have no idea. I look to what little headlines in sports intrigue me. The NFL Draft seems to be a hot topic of discussion as it was announced that the draft will be pushed two weeks later which in my opinion really doesn’t make that much of a difference although people are completely losing their minds over this. What if it falls on Mothers Day? No problem, do what you always do order some prearranged flowers from a .com florist and tune into what is the best draft in sports. The way I look at it, it gives us two more weeks to dig into our already over-analysis of the future stars in what is the greatest sport, football.Please, blog, may I have some more?
I’ve taken the strategery rankings through week 6 and used them to look at the rest of the fantasy season. This first graph is the average rush defense ranking of each team’s next 9-10 opponents. This gives an overall look at how tough the remaining schedule is for running backs. I tend to look at […]Please, blog, may I have some more?
Let’s remind ourselves of the formula: Sleeper Rating = Amount of Talent (Individual + Team Support) + Opportunity I have to give a quick shout out to the Valedictorian of Sleeper Math, Ahmad Bradshaw. It’s sad to see him move on after being listed in here every single week. But he proved his mettle and […]Please, blog, may I have some more?