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Welcome to Week 10, ladies and gentlemen. 

We’ve reached a real impasse here over the halfway mark of the NFL season. Major stars are down, breakout players are rolling, and Mike White is a starting quarterback in the NFL. The draft wouldn’t be further behind us and our expectations have been subverted every step of the way. This is where winners are made and losers are born. 

Tuesday’s gone with the wind. And we’re coming up hard on Sunday morning. 

Anyway! The teams on bye this week are the Bears, Giants, Bengals, and Texans. See ya next week!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Friends, it’s OK to cry. A lot of us are broken after this week, and — let’s be fair — our fantasy football therapists are going to get a lot of work. Here’s a quick primer of things to say: “I should have started Colt McCoy,” or, “LeVeon Bell daggered my team,” or, “The Jags out-field-goaled the Bills.” I mean, these are the weeks that enrich those contrarian players and line their pockets with enough gold for a season. Let’s check in on the scores and stats that wrecked us in week 9 of fantasy football: 

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Is it me or are a lot of guys injured? Normally, I’d have some little cutsie intro to get into the carnage but sheesh, man! I don’t know about you but I’m getting killed out here! I actually sprained my right knee on a fishing boat last weekend and was listed as limited but here I am, dammit.

When I see the players I roster in person someday, I’m gonna tell them: If I can man up and type up a bunch of nonsense about fake football with a ligament injury, well then YOU GOTTA PLAY TOO, YOU BIG BABY!

As you can tell, this has been a tough week. Between my injury, all the injuries on my fantasy teams, and what’s happening to my Raiders… Well, we’ll get into that last part later.

And to add to the prevailing roster chaos we have our first bye week of the year! See you next week Jets, Falcons, 49ers, and Saints!

Let’s segue right into Sunday morning with an Intra-Florida showdown in London.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

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**VIDEO RELEASED BY ANIME DONKEY TEETH PRIOR TO WEEK 5**

I watched my first boxing match on Saturday night since Conor McGregor “fought” Floyd Mayweather four years ago. I must say, the big dudes this weekend were quite entertaining. I especially enjoyed the theatrical entrances to the ring from Deontay Wilder and Tyson Fury—it was like the movie 300 meets the Dave Chappelle’s Prince skit. Game. Blouses. But my goodness, Wilder was pummeled by the Gypsy King in that heavyweight bout. The only ones beat up worse than the Bronze Bomber this weekend were the New York Giants who lost Saquon Barkley to a nasty-looking sprained ankle, Daniel Jones to a concussion and Kenny Golladay to a hyperextended knee. But as the old saying goes: when one ankle swells to the size of a doggy door, another buy-window opens. Devontae Booker may only have a week or two in the limelight, but if Sunday was any indication (16 carries for 42 yards, 3 receptions for 16 yards and 2 touchdowns), Booker should see a heavy workload until Barkley is back and should be added everywhere. That’s not the only Giant buy this week, though. First-round rookie Kadarius Toney erupted for 189 receiving yards on 10 receptions. Captain Obvious here again to tell you Toney is worth a roster spot in your league. Yes, your league too. The kid might have catapulted himself into the alpha role for the Giants, which is a very fantasy-friendly role as they’ll be playing from behind often this year. Toney and Booker with be two of the top adds for week 6 with Toney possibly holding substantial value for the remainder of the year. Anyway, here’s some more players to buy or sell this week in fantasy football:

Please, blog, may I have some more?