DO NOT say I didn’t warn you. I made it abundantly clear that starting Jay Cutler was a grave mistake, an error so sacrilegious, not even the usual animal sacrifices would appease the Elder Gods. All week I declared that it was irresponsible journalism to have Cutler in anybody’s Top-10 for this week. Cutler’s numbers in Green Bay are right there in front of everybody’s face. It’s a known fact that he’s David Hasselhoff, blacked out on the bathroom floor eating cheeseburgers type of pathetic when playing in Wisconsin. Hopefully owners realize how ridiculously lucky they were to get that incredible TD from Brandon Marshall, making Cutler’s day somewhere approaching respectable. The only reason he put up decent numbers two weeks ago at New England was because the Patriots went to prevent defense once they were up something like 200 points. The Bears are an absolute joke right now, and my respect for Cutler has collapsed to Michael Lohan levels. Inexcusable all around performance by the Chicago Bears and fantasy analysts everywhere… hold tha phone! I just looked at Jay-bone’s rankings, and now I feel like a real d*ckhole. Let me point out that Jay is one of the most accurate rankers in the world, and that even geniuses like himself (Cutler thing), Kanye West (R&B album that somehow didn’t ruin his career), and Roman Polanski (an affinity for underage women), are prone to minor mistake every now and again. [Jay’s Note: That’s why they call me Jay… Wrong.] I’ll pray to the Elders, that he doesn’t’ delete me on Snapchat for this, or even point out the fact that if it wasn’t for his editorial work, it would look as if a 9-year-old child put this together. [Jay’s Note: You’re too hard on yourself. More like an 11-year-old…] Let’s just move forward with all of our lives, shall we… Gods, I F*CKING DESPISE OWNING JAY CUTLER.

I am Tehol Beddict, and this is, Disgrace/Delight. Take Heed!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Greetings!!! Week two was hella crazy, ya’ll; Adrian Peterson suspended for child endangerment, A.J. Green going down with a toe injury before making a single reception, and Jake Locker being beyond atrocious. Okay, well, maybe that last one wasn’t so shocking… but every soul on earth other than the legendary, Jay(Wrong), had Locker going HAM and eggs on the what was supposed to be pathetic defense of the Dallas Cowboys. Thinking about the once salivating thought of Locker to Justin Hunter, now sickens me beyond a level I believed only possible in the depths of Hades. More on these two bricks, later. My first four picks in my highest money league were as follows: Peterson, Alshon Jeffery, Andre Ellington, and Rob Gronkowski. Needless to say, I’m 0-2 and almost b*tch slapped my chicken out of anger. But then, I thought of Michael Vick, Ray Rice, Da Kraken, and the aforementioned AP, and decided to instead, hug my chicken, Beatrice, for love is the answer ya’ll. I’m Tehol Beddict, the only former-male thong model in history to be published in any form of sports writing, and this is, Disgrace/Delight! Take Heed!

Please, blog, may I have some more?