So yeah, I get it, the title is a bit overused in today’s parlance with the bizarre yet hypnotizing Adult Swim “horror-comedy-90’s sitcom” experience bringing the idiom back into style. Combined with the fact that I’d faint if you told me that this headline hadn’t been used by any other football writer before today when referring to Brandin Cooks (seen above with the 11-yard touchdown)… yeah, that saying’s been here before. But how apt! How meta I say! Because that’s exactly how I felt about last night’s prime time rematch of last year’s Super Bowl (did you know? You’d think they would mention that at least once last night!) that 95% of the Northeast tuned out of in the third quarter. There was some horror, some comedy, and of course Bill Belichek carries the whole 90’s sitcom vibe all by himself… but ultimately, it seemed to be a game that’d we’d all seen before and we were all the worse for it. And sure, while it might have been the Falcon’s gameplan all along, to give the Patriots a 23-point lead only to start a miraculous comeback of their own… problem was, the comeback never came and the Falcons looked about as good in the first three quarters yesterday as they did in the last quarter in the aforementioned Super Bowl. But there was fog! And lots of it! (I can’t find confirmation if it was coming out of Cris Collinsworth’s or Bob Costas’ mouth.) So instead of calling this a Super Bowl rematch, maybe we should call it the “Trent Green Bowl”? Kind of an “NFL’s concept” of what it’s like travelling through Trent Green’s head. You know, minus the purple bears and robot unicorns…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

While it’d be justified to revisit the whole Ezekiel Elliot suspension saga since, you know, it has yet to be resolved, I’d like to focus on a few other news items, just one week before the season-half. Did you know that the Dolphins and Ravens are on pace for a NFL record-low 8.5 yards per completion? I’d figured the Chiefs would have been there, since that’s Alex Smith’s throwing range. The Texans have led the NFL in scoring since Deshaun Watson became a starting quarterback. The Texans leading in offensive anything is the seventh sign of the end of the world (the sixth was David Johnson’s leg exploding). Oh, and yeah, Aaron Rodgers was officially placed on the IR. Too soon?

Here’s your updated Razzball Fantasy Football Rankings for Week 7 (STD, Half-PPR, PPR, IDP) including our updated Staff Consensus, Player Status Updates, and an opportunity to ask those all so important roster questions to myself, MB, and Zach in the commentary section!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

First they came for David Johnson, and I did not speak out – Because I did not draft him. Then they came for Allen Robinson, and I did not speak out — Because I did not care about the Jaguars. Then they came for Greg Olson, and I did not speak out — Because he was just a tight end. Then they came for Odell Beckham Jr. — and there was no one left that could medically attend to my liver and rescue my fantasy team. Exactly how hurt is OBJ? Well, despite bringing out one of those weird curtains that they break out when a horse goes down on the track before carting him off the field… I’d say not good. It’s a broken leg (I guess I could have GIF’d the injury, but nothing is as cringe-inducing as watching a human body part break in slow motion… and all of our uncles drunk at Thanksgiving), so one first has to ask, how do we define “broken”? Well, I’m no doctor, but experts have told me (i.e. I know how to Google) that it was his fibula and that an MRI to check for ligament damage took place earlier today, but one thing’s for certain (unless Ian Rapport is involved), OBJ is gone for a while. (Along with the rest of the Giants receivers. Seriously, read the injury report further down after the jump… I feel like stigmata is next.) I still have to ask though, for the sake of my aforementioned liver… If Odell Beckham can catch with one hand, can’t he run on one ankle?

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Image result for home dogs

Week 3 was a crazy, crazy week. Thanks Trump! I kidd. Blake Bortles, Case Keenum, and Eli Manning all threw for at least three touchdowns, with Bortles throwing four! The Jets dominated. It gets crazier, though. Eight of the games on Sunday had the road teams as favorites. The Jaguars, Colts, Bears, Jets, Bills, and Redskins all took care of business at home. Bow wow wow yipee yo yipee ya! Home dogs! The Lions should have won and the Chargers…well, just scroll down to the recap of that game and all will become clear.

The 2017-2018 Razzball Commenter Leagues for Basketball are now open. Get more info and join here!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

What’s going on everybody,! Hopefully you all had a better Week 2 than I did. Granted I won some leagues, but I did expect some huge games from players that really let me down. I’ll tell you who had a great week though…

Rudy and the Tools! I said it a few times during my rankings post, if you are waiting to subscribe to our fantastic season-long and DFS tools, you are simply wasting money. If Week 1 is any indication, and I think it is, this should be a huge year for Rudy and the rest of the gang here at Razzball. And if it is going to be a huge year for us, why shouldn’t it be a huge year for you guys as well?

Well without further ado, let’s get into some Razzball certified picks for Week 2, with some DFS knowledge at the very end thanks to our great lineup optimizers. Let’s get to it!

Note: Projections are based off of standard scoring leagues.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

What’s going on everyone, and welcome to Week 2! I have to admit, after a few months of getting hyped up, I was let down just a bit, with some very lackluster games during the afternoon and evening. But hey, isn’t the first week always the weirdest? Isn’t that what they say? They do know! Well it is Wednesday my dudes, so let’s dive into my first glance at the Week 2 rankings, but before we do, let’s take a brief recap of the week that was.

Check out Rudy’s exclusive DFS and season-long tools that are sure to help you be profitable this fantasy football season!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Welcome to Week 1 sports fans. All that time spent taking in the awesome draft content here at Razzball and mock drafting from your work computer has led you to the real thing.. And you thought you’d been neglecting your family this past month or so? Child’s play compared to 17 weeks dominated by football. Hope you signed that prenup.

In this space this year, we will be looking at streaming options for your leagues. Generally I will use 65% as a cutoff line, and I will be looking at Yahoo ranks. Typically the best spots to stream are QB and DST and Tight Ends. If there is a demand for kickers or any other positions, I will add them in the coming weeks. Be sure to hit me up in that comment section for anything you’d like to see in this space, or just to talk smack. Now with it being Week 1, it should just be simple and play your studs. But with Irma bearing down on Florida, we now have two teams with byes Week 1 (which I something I never thought I would say). Everyone is in scramble mode. Who should you grab? Let’s get into some plays…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Something you didn’t know you wanted until now… I didn’t even know I wanted this until it was made. Much like your mother. You can find Razzball’s Quarterbacks Preview here. You can find Razzball’s Quarterback Rankings here. And Razzball’s Visualized Tiers for Quarterbacks (probably the best draft accessory you can bring as part of your ensemble) can be found after the jump!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Welcome to Razzball’s Fantasy Football Preview series, where yours truly will guide you, caress you, perhaps even coddle you through your draft preparations and processes. Mmm, processes. And while none of this may be legal and I’ll end up with multiple restraining orders, rest assured that we’ll all be the better for it. Maybe. We’ll go in depth (that’s what she said) at every position… well, the positions that actually count (I’m looking at you Kickers and DSTs…), going over some analysis, the tiers, and any illuminating observations I might have. Because light bulbs are just the coolest thing. Said everyone from the 1800s. Before you get settled down, please refer to Razzball’s 2017 Fantasy Football Draft Rankings, and specifically for this post, refer to our Quarterback Rankings

Please, blog, may I have some more?