Greetings! Rankings or spankings, what be your preference, my goodmen? Why not both, I say. Aye, why not both of these joyous splendors of life? If that does happen to be the case, I reckon you just popped your second 30 milligram time-released Adderall of the day in a hopeless attempt at actually putting forth effort into a job you actually care extremely little about. Yes, you have children, but do you know 100 percent that they are of your seed? I mean, we all recall your cocaine and dry-humping days from college, and both have been known to cause permanent damage. Beddict would know as well as anyone. I suppose if you’re a woman, and you’re reading this, you are well aware of the father of your children… or do you look at little Tommy and then recall that girls trip you took to Antigua where you got blacked and rode a sexy, guitar playing Irishman who reminded you of the dude from ‘P.S. I Love You’? Aye, the man was hung like a prized moose, he was, and honestly, the kid’s probably the better for it. You’ve got to be realistic about these things. Either way, some of my rankings below may shock you a bit, but trust in the Elders and give me your faith, and I swear by all that is pure in what is left of this once great planet, that I will take you by the hand, and guide you to glory. Tis my fate, after all. Say one thing for Tehol Beddict, say he’s a birther of great and powerful knowledge.

Below are my rankings for Week 1. I pray that you enjoy them and take them to hear. Thankee-sai. Take Heed!

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Please, blog, may I have some more?